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[personal profile] angelak
I'm going to talk about me for a second; which isn't my biggest objective always. I'm outgoing and gregarious - for the most part open. That said, something that gets overlooked is that often times I am also intensely private. I'll admit to a lot of vulnerability, that's part of how I suspect people come to trust me in the first place. That said, it leaves me in a place where I often witness others sharing things and I feel unable to do so. The last 2 months have been a little crazy for me. I'm afraid to talk about my endeavors; I don't want to boast, nor do I want to expose my possible dead end travels. For the last 11 months or so, I've been relatively unsatisfied with my job. Many of those months were officially temporary, but I'm pretty good at my job. That's the fact. I am good at helping people, I'm good at listening to people. I care about shit when things aren't going ideally for people. City government jobs have always been something that I said was where dreams go to die. It was my dream for the first 3-5 years, but as I dead ended in my career and stuck around in compacency (golden handcuffs) for another 8+ years, it became a shackle that was slowly killing me, even in an environment with a boss I truly respected and enjoyed working with. (CG). I entered a new job after leaving administration that was about to find a way to oust me anyway (after 12 years of honest and good performance). It was a good thing, while a risky thing, a good thing. Apparently I'm good at risks when every fiber of my being is telling me what to do.

I finally landed a second city job, in spite of my search for something private sector. On some level, I knew I'd land in the top candidates, but that is easy to say. Most of the time I do land in the top 3, the last two years of interviewing has taught me. Not bragging, just observing. And recently, the interviewers rightfully told me I was overqualified 3 out of 4 times. I am brave and not brave all at once. I kept looking for jobs that weren't the best next step for me.

Back to city job #2... I was happy because I needed employment. I was mildly disappointed because I didn't want another city job. I genuinely was happy to take a job to make it through my wedding period. This was a good thing. After 6-8 weeks, it became obvious the environment with it's unique personality and management structure was not at all as pleasant as my previous team. It was a daily drain.

I was converted to a full time non temporary employee but kept hunting. It's no longer about stability for me, in spite of the fact that it is apparently more "risky." I always preface that every move is a big deal for me. I see a toxic environment at work as a life threatening one, because I struggle with depression. I don't talk about that often. So when I evaluate overall "risk," - I assess what it does to my depression as much as I assess salary scale and other job details. Unfortunately for me it is not an option to go somewhere and put on a good face and go home and abandon the toxic impact. It follows me 24/7, and if I am not careful, erodes at my ability to be in a safe headspace. I knew this when I left Issaquah. And a few months into Kirkland, I knew that as well.

The fortune I have is that the rest of my life is really amazing. I have a great husband and a supportive boyfriend who is always present for emotional ups and downs. That said, my polyamory structure has slowly been shifting, and so too has my home life circumstances. These are things I worked hard to sort out over 24 months time. None of it was quick or simplistic. I take responsibility for these choices, however stressful they can be. One relationship is hard, two is hard, and so on.

That said, I was able to quit my toxic job after a rough 2 weeks of "maybe" on a promotional position at a private sector company last week. My last day at the place that has afforded me to connect with some of the best and worst coworkers I've ever met, this coming Friday will be my last day. (4/24/15)

I start my new job on 4/30/15. I feel that I have been anything other than entitled to this next advancement for my career. Since money is not the biggest object for me, I definitely don't make wild requests of the universe on that end.

I have put in 13 years of professional career work, not including the couple of years of vocational training in the subject - aside from that with this new opportunity, there was no part of my hiring process that was "handed" to me. I'm anxious, excited, stoked, nervous, happy, and beyond ready to learn and expand myself and offer the best service I know how to my new employer. I just hope I can rock it and be as awesome as they need. I am born of "Croston" lineage. That means anxiety and mental issues abound. We worry. We worry about worrying, and then we worry that we can't stop worrying about worrying. But my gut says this is going to be the start of a wonderful new chapter of my life. Dreams are not of government for ME. That does not mean it isn't for other people (priorities and energy and personality and a million other things play into what we need as individuals to shine, sparkle, and be.)

For me, all I can say is that I do not know where I would be today without the constant career advice and sound boarding every week from my wonderful, patient, caring, blessing of a husband. He has more experience in this field than most people because contracting means constant job shifting. He's done so much to keep me from falling off the edge these past 2 years. I hope all the stress I have endured has given me the ability to expand, learn from it, and exceed in my next steps.

To the people who matter to me at City of Kirkland, you too have made my everyday moments into something that were bearable. I am a very sensitive person. And I never forget a good or bad deed, and those kindnesses from my friends are not taken for granted.

-Angela

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April 2016

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