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angelak: (Sleeping)
Just going to write here for the sake of writing. Had a nice evening last night. Very normal, average, routine. Except we set up with a simple HDMI cable, Jim's computer downstairs. The benefits of this abound. Particularly that I think he may notice Amber's requests to go out more than prior when he was Repunzel in his tower on Floor #3 in 874.

Also, when I come in the door, I won't have to trudge upstairs immediately to alert him I am home.
That sounds like it's not a big deal, but after 5 years, I'm frankly sick of that. No need for an intercom system :P

Perhaps less dishes will migrate into floor 3... we'll see. I'm feeling optimistic about a simple move of computer. I said it jokingly about 3 weeks ago, and BAM, it happened for real. !!!
Just feeling at peace for the moment, and that feels good.

Let the weekend garbage die.
Last night July 4th plans were finalized. Can hardly wait.

The weekend was pretty cool. I know we went out on the boat a few times, and in the last couple of weeks I've discovered the beauty of night-time Lake Union time. How fun!!! My favorite was the evening we went out and I read my novel out-loud to us. How much more fun does it get? The only bummer is I don't really watch the boating environment if I am reading, but it was a lot of fun all the same. I sort of ate whatever I wanted, mostly drinking lots of wine over the weekend and skipping all scheduled workouts. That's okay. Sometimes it just feels good to live.

We also had to go nab Amber, a furchild-care issue related to the Leavenworth trip of Jim's. That worked out. As DriveHouse is not Amber-proof, we crashed at 874.

It turned out quite well in the long run, my favorite part being Amber's first trip out on the boat. Fritz is people centric and less independent. All he cares about is clinging to his people. Amber is very, very independent. She loved standing at the bow of the boat and staring out over the water, challenging ducks by barking at them, and generally just being more dog-like and interactive with the fact she was on a boat with water all around. In general, she tolerates water better to begin with. I just had to watch to make sure the crazy girl didn't get any ideas about jumping in, in front of the damn boat. You know. Like ya do.

The bad news was when our front snap cover ...blew into the marina while we were out. It was gone when we got back one of the times. Meaning a make shift covering of the front of the boat until Sean can get a new one. (not cheap).
I'm a strong swimmer... I also love swimming. But there have been times I've had water phobia. Sean would have dove in to look for the cover under the water in the Marina, but he is still recovering from shoulder surgery.

I was about to with my goggles and bikini, but you know. I was truly mortified by Lake Union waterworks marina water. I really don't want to see what is down there for some reason. I jumped in. For 2 seconds. Decided I wasn't going to be able to goggle around and find the damn cover.

So that was that.

Lake Union is gross, I'm sorry. It's gross as fuck and I don't want to know what's down there for the moment. :P
It is mostly frustrating to have a phobia at all, especially given what a strong swimmer I am, and mostly logic driven woman I am about a lot of these things. So annnyyyyyyyyyyyway. And you know, I wanted to find that damn cover. Took some nasty dry Chadonnay to alleviate my feelings. I need to get some boat worthy wine that I fucking like. I was just drinking what Sean had, which sounded like shit that Tammy liked back in the day. (Exgf). I think I need to take over and get tasty wine. I'm not a big cheap wine fan. I want something I love or don't bother. But you know, beggers cannot be choosers, and he had this other stuff. I was drinking it because I thought he liked it. He had drank it for Tammy because she liked it. But then he mentioned Tammy likes cheap wine, anything to get a buzz on. That's a bit less my wine style. Give me quality. I don't want a buzz on without fine deliciousness involved really. I'm a booze snob, yes - it's true. I wasn't at 21, but a few years later I got over that "let's get smashed for the sake of it," thing.

Oh yeah, We also did Father's Day at my parents'. It was super fun, Me and Sean went and then Jim showed up later. We also got Jill cupcakes and I bought her half of her new Horse Show Shirt. $100 shirt, but it looked great and will work for her shows for a long time to come. Now that her elbow is healed, we can actually have taken her to the tack shop to buy it. Anyway, good family fun and it is good to see James with a great lady that is kind, low drama, positive, happy as a person. She brings him to a place he always deserved to be with a partner.

angelak: (Eye)
This week has been restorative time spent at 874 and with Jimmers. Last week at work I was highly motivated. This week has been harder. I just want to leave town. Now.

It's freezing. I don't like the cold. I went shopping for long sleeved shirts, because apparently the ones I had have vanished into the abyss of my house. Layering is my new thing, because it's getting cold out, and I feel that I have been freezing for days. Ross provided some low cost options for me. Pretty much outfitted for winter now, thank goodness. Some of the stuff will work for the Spring, once we make it through the stupid months here.

I have become stripey girl due to the striped shirts all over Ross. I better balance it out with some other shirts later or I will become very bored.

It feels great to still have my life and dog home and routine in 874. The Dachshunds appreciate it. I appreciate it too. Especially being alone. Being alone feels so, so good, and so vital. Even if it's for an hour in the morning. Jim goes to work at 430AM. He kisses me goodbye and is gone by the time I get out of bed. I am alone in the house then.
I miss that in Bellevue Home. I need a name for that place, but I haven't for the life of me figured out what it could be. It's actually a good balance if I think about it, none the less.
The Dachshund routine with me in it is very, very comforting.
I say the same thing every morning to them when I am ready to take them out.
They snooze in bed until I am ready to take them out.
The moment I say the magic words to get them moving, they spring into action.
The three of us like our morning routine.
And I always loved my 874 morning routine. Maybe it's because I had 100% control over it.
And that 100% control is important to me.

In other thoughts:
If I get back to my work outs the right way, I will likely feel even better. But the starvation diet made it unappealing to work out, even for me. And now I am lazy. As I have mentioned to Sean though, perhaps this isn't so bad. I re-injured my hamstring doing standing bow in a cold room in rehearsals for Rite of Sol months ago. It has been cranky ever since and I have been holding back on the left side of postures in yoga for months now. Perhaps this resting phase is the best thing I could do for my hamstring. My hope is that when I try again and start using my body in the fitness fashion (I miss it) - my hamstring will have made some healing leaps. I injured it by straining it and stretching in a cold room: March 2012. Then it healed. Then I re-injured it in October 2012. It takes a lot of time for the damn hamstring to chillax. Damn you, hammy. It also kills me in the hot room to have to hold back on it. I know I could progress my standing bow in class if it wasn't so jacked!! My flexibility is there, but the muscle cannot do it without tearing if I am injured.
I suck.
But I know this too, shall pass.
And given my shotty yoga practice of 2013 ...well, *shrugs* I wouldn't be getting any better anyway. Soon, I will be there I guess. Who knows. I'm lost. I trust the right things will happen at the right time. I must.

Back to work, yeah?

angelak: (AngelaNov09)

Focus for 2012
(I don't exactly do resolutions, per se, but I do have focuses.)

Serve my communities – focal point = Service

Yoga/OTO/Pagan communities, serve them (How? Be present. Give whenever possible in time/service.)

Leave Self doubt behind

Serve in the Mass team beyond the child role:
(First Deacon, then Priestess - eventually, in the future...)

Replace carpets downstairs in 874

Create a tidy home that is nearly always acceptable for impromptu guests

Become a strong and valued Bikram Yoga Teacher

Develop my Yoga Teaching

Digest and Teach verbatim Bikram Dialogue

Improve physical and emotional bodies

Reach the low 140lbs range solid

Lean out body the rest of the way

Shrink the hips/upper thighs

Return to Teacher Training as a mentor (not a DE-mentor).

Travel to see teacher training friends and take their classes!

Maintain a strong Yoga practice

Maintain a moderate running and circuit training schedule

Continually build strong relationships with my sweeties

Stay close with Jim

More personal focus from self to community service

Rite of Sol Involvement

Search for a late 90's Mitsubishi Eclipse for personal material items list
angelak: (Lauren Graham Perturbed)
4 days to go. )
angelak: (Default)
9 days to go. I’m a mixed bag of sheer excitement and sheer “really? It’s happening?” I’ve been laser focused at work. Getting all of my last projects finished up, doing what I need to do. Someone mentioned I might be totally distracted next week. But I was too busy being focused to really consider that after today – I only have 1 more week here at the office until I’m officially on leave for… well, longer than I could ever have dreamed of asking for, let alone actually GETTING, let alone… Wow, it’s all very humbling in a way, as in humbling to the Flow of the Universe, to my passion here, and what I’m setting out to do. To even having this opportunity. This is something I’d read about in someone else’s blog at previous points in my life and say, “Damn, I wish I could do something nuts like that. Take off from my job. Still get paid… go learn a way to diversify my income and feed my passion, all at once…” “that stuff never happens to ME…” well, jee golly – It’s happening and it is as real as real can be. We’ll see!!!
I am happy I have half moon. I don’t have any other postures. But I have half moon…
And now that it is so close, it’s very hard to imagine that before I know it, I’ll be on that plane to LA. There is still a lot happening in my life between now and when I leave. Tomorrow, coffee with Jon G – a last minute plan. Yoga hopefully, because after house sitting for my parents for 4 days, I didn’t get to practice. Sunday I film a 9-11 remembrance ceremony with TS – this to earn one last extra bit of dough. It sure helps, seeing as I’ve had to buy way more things than I realized I would need for this. And the half of it hasn’t even begun. I’m sure I will need to get things while in LA…

So the weekend = Yoga and stuff. Jim will likely come home on Sunday and hopefully we can clean house, have one on one time together. It’s been a little hectic for him and me on that front. I’ve been so darned busy!!!
Monday and Tuesday look NICE AND CLEAR. Relief on that. I can spiff up my house, and begin doing the last bits of errands I need to do before I ship out, for real. Really getting my packing list together, stuffing it into the footlocker I intend on either shipping/mailing, or we’ll see. I wanted something I could store/hide things in from the house keeping staff. I would crack a joke about my dildo… but I really mean other appliances.

Wednesday is bowling/skating with OTO folks, woohoo. Jim will probably come this time.
Thursday morning Barry is flying in and staying until way after I leave for Los Angeles.
Friday evening we are driving to Leavenworth as soon as I get off work to spend the night with Barry and Jim. (Barry=Jim’s Dad). Spending Saturday DAY at Leavenworth, driving home for the evening.
I fully intend on having ALL OF MY STUFF taken care of Tuesday night. You read that right. Will spend quality time with Barry and Jim before SUNDAY morning.

Sunday morning I have a 9:35AM flight to Los Angeles. And it all begins.
I arrive roughly around 11:30 in LA. I cannot believe it is so close.
Today is special also – Friday. Jim is going to his 10 year HS reunion tonight – and I am celebrating a dear friends’ 28th birthday. We are having a special tea ceremony somewhere in Seattle this evening, I look forward to it.

I will say this. Sleeping in my own bed and wandering around 874 was delightful after spending a few days in Snohomish. Nothing wrong with their house… I just remember why I like the space that I have. And my bed. And my pillow… and 2 dogs. Off to go grab some lunch and finish out the day now!

angelak: (Palm Trees)
I tied up the financial side of Teacher Training today. I know I've done a lot of writing, net-screaming, and overall self-second guessing. I know my last post was pretty much as intense as it gets for the time being, but I am choosing to believe it's so that it isn't as hard on me when I'm actually in the experience.

I'm not sure. I'm generally trying not to predict how it will go, that's pretty much as un-present as it comes. Presently, it's been rough on me. I don't feel prepared the same way I did when I first started fantasizing about TT. I remember I had a strong practice, I was focused, although I was actually still depressed. Strange! Now, my practice feels weaker. I don't feel as strong. I'm carrying extra weight comparatively.

(Yes, 10 lbs, that's it - I know, it could be gone in a flash during training for all I know).
Anyway, the money has gone. That is because for this particular experience, I'm living the motto of, "Be scared, do it anyway."

Sometimes a co worker makes off handed (half jokes) about the city and how they might just kick me to the curb since I'd be leaving for 9 weeks. Well, now is the best time. My director is retiring in August. Late August. The time has already been approved. And if they did kick me to the curb, that would mean I'd just go do Bikram teaching more rather than less. *shrugs* The off handed statements don't annoy me any less. They're playing off of my survival fear side. Seeing as Bikram teaching alone is not quite enough to pay for my mortgage. Actually, it would pay for my mortgage but no food. ;)

Anyway, Point is, I'm going. I don't know how I'll make it through this pre-training funk. I have no idea, other than just to live through it and hope I just start to really laern how to let go before I even step foot in LA. I know I need to hit the studio tonight or else. That's a good sign. I actually really want to go. I think if I go the rest of this week it will possibly quiet down my freak outs. Especially if I stay present to myself in class instead of trying to look ahead for what I will be like in 2 months. For christsake, the first time did Bikram, I made incredible gains in 2 months time. I have a whole 2 months right now, still - to do both dialogue and build my practice up a little stronger. Just because it's mid July and it feels like the light at the end of the tunnel is a freight train, does not mean I don't have enough time to really do damage control. I just have to ditch this funk and forget about my weight. It's not serving me. It's drawing energy out of me. So who cares what I look like right now!? Who cares?!??!

I need to talk to myself in December and see what transpires by then!!!!
As for Jim and the house. It's not as bad as it feels. It's better than it was. We've made progress, but my energy stalled and sometimes I get frustrated that he is not the partner that will help spur me on with it. In fact, he is rather good about not always being on the games, but the fact is, sometimes I feel like choosing a gamer for a partner was the worst choice for me. It drains me even when they play part time, and his hobby should not have ANYTHING to do with me. It should be fine. But there times when I get so sick of saying things here and there while he IS gaming and being 100% ignored. He's focusing on the game.

He is so incredibly deep and intelligent, warm and loving, and other than having to work on the fact his love style is NOT touch, like mine - we're compatible. Except for this one thing that drives me insane. Video games.

Try as I might.

That's okay. Most times we actually function around this. I think when I get depleted, my negotiability on the gaming goes to zero. And I ACKNOWLEDGE that this isn't fair. The man needs his release. But truthfully, he's going to get all the release he needs between September 19-November 18th. He'll get as much gaming as he can fit in, so maybe I should discuss a little bit about in the coming weeks, us working on him and me, before we spend 9 weeks apart. I mean really....

Particularly this house. I don't want to leave it feeling angry about 874.
As for the sociability (making up more words or something).............
It's very hard to break through this. It reminds me of Mel when she tried to force me to hang out because that worked for her social anxiety issues.

For me, that doesn't work. She got super angry and called me a bad friend when I told her I didn't want to hang out in large groups. It's ok. She doesn't really qualify always as my bosom buddy. ;)
At least her wedding is going to be local.
I know, Throwing Mel in this post is TOTALLY random. But whatever. Maybe this writer's block, this communication block, is the reason I'm turning into a giant emotional wreck. Just maybe.

Anyway, living out the lesson of be scared; do it anyway - is obviously where my 2011 life is headed. So we'll see. I need structure, energy, a plan.
I'm going 100% raw next week as a way to kick myself into another gear. Not just my body, but honestly, I think my soul needs some fresh, uncooked foods to get me back aligned. There's something incredibly off. I'd do it sooner... maybe I will do it sooner. The rest of my food will keep. Maybe, just maybe I'll do a mini-raw run. I just don't want to make it high in fruits for the sole reason that I don't want my skin to break out because I over-sugared. That was what happened when I've gone raw before. Not overdoing it on the bananas, stuff like that. Jimmers is having his long Wednesday, so he's out working late.

Maybe this week is just the beginning of a shift into full gear with my life and get prepared? Particularly because Bikram has my money. Did I mention Bikram has my money?

angelak: (AngelaNov09)
Today is a beautiful! Woke up nice and early, didn't rush getting ready because I was 2 hours ahead of schedule. Got to work early, was nice and quiet in the office. Got a delish half-caff coffee and began replying to stuff, setting up my work day.
Got an email Sashka, and he wrote some very nice things to me and filled me in on what's up with him. That's always nice. Always makes my day when we share nice energy :) I haven’t written much about us really, but suffice to say we are in frequent contact still. He is trying to move back to Russia from So Cal, which is probably going to be a good thing. I will miss the California jaunts, I really enjoyed going down there. But, my next trips to California (might be a while) could be more family centric possibly... I think my cousins basically kick ass. Both of them. And Zack has lost a TON of weight! I love to see this. I might not even recognize him next time ;)

I have not progressed further with my Russian language learning skills, but I’m going with what feels right, and right now I’m happy with where I’ve gone. I might go on this language website and work on it independently, even though the high-pressure, fast moving – immersion class I was in seriously cemented the basics into my head. I didn’t even realize how great it was. I was just too freaked out, hahaha.

Every week was a struggle to me :P

Last weekend was nice. Relaxed, we did. No big plans, no obligations. I did a lot of yoga, ate healthily, and walked the dogs with Jim a couple times in the sun. Back to work, like I said. I feel like I’ve been dis-servicing myself by not recording my life in LJ again, Damnit!

It’s okay, it’s not an all or nothing here. I’m back for a while again. It’s June. Kelsi’s birthday – was Saturday. James’s birthday was Friday. He didn’t really get in contact with any of us. I give up on the lad. He’s going to have to walk his own path, and apparently that means turning his back on a very, very loving immediate family for his wife only. Okay, go for it laddie. Peace be with you, Bro.

Lianna has been in huge processes of changing up her life and it’s been amazing to see her Will, strength, and power building. While she did not get the Whole foods job, I suspect this is just one more power test along the way. We’ll see what’s next.

It will be nice once she gets settled over here and has her own life, not on her Mom’s couch…

I am just happy to be making some changes in my own life too. I have been phasing out stuff from previous lives and introducing new things in my home that are wholly this phase. Jim’s junk room is clear. My living room and dining room are transformed. I still have smaller things to do, and after a week or so breather, I am ready to power through some new projects. Our bedroom really needs to be spiffed, and I’d like to do some of the smaller tasks downstairs (IE, inside the kitchen island and moving the weight rack upstairs to what used to be the Den, moving the stereo to a better place etc). My crabs need a new spot in the house also… I also want to shift the temple space to where the Den is currently, and put the guest room under the “Cobalt Room,” we’ve rechristened Jim’s old junk room.

His name ;) As in, he came up with it. I got tired of saying "Jim's room," because we are sort of beyond that in 874 now, so I said, "the blue room." and he said, "The Cobalt room!!!" His favorite color of course, is Cobalt. And I tend to really love that color too. Part of me wants to actually paint the room COBALT!!! But that’s a project I don’t enjoy………………… painting.
That can be something I consider MUCH, much later.
Like... for instance, if I do get BRAVE and tackle a painting ordeal (of which it would ONLY be the most beautiful Cobalt ever) it would have to be as a "treat" -HAH- to finishing the other rooms. MAYBE, I'd even decide to paint my temple room. That might be fun. But I know. Painting is evil. I really hate it, and suck at it. But it is a not expensive way to change the energy in places!!! Just labor intensive. We'll see. First projects first, like getting our entire place in order FIRST.

Also thinking maybe tonight about renting the rug doctor… hmmm, or maybe that’s Tuesday. I need to write a list about this stuff! Then I can just pick stuff off the list whenever I feel like it! :D

Anyways. More later! I better set up my work flow here!

angelak: (Angela Pose)
Forgive me for my buff user-icon. I just finished circuit training for the evening, and it's inspiring that I am already training my latest cheerleader: Amber. Rufus was the one who started the tradition of Dachshund-cheerleader during my circuit training sessions. Oddly, he was the head cheer leader, and Fritz didn't take much notice of me.

Until Rufus passed away... and then he immediately sat in the same place Rufus had learned to sit (I got too anxious when Rufus would get too close to my free-weight military press moments, especially in the beginning when I was starting with the 20-25lbs in each hand, by the end of circuits at that time, I was beginning to hit muscle fatigue after my 4th set in the last few minutes. I made Rufus stay further away for fear that one day I'd drop a 25lb weight on his head!!!

So he learned that he had to stay a little further away and watch. Today, for the first time I CT'd with Amber in the room. She doesn't like to jump off the bed that is in the guest room - which is now, by the way, our old bed from our bedroom instead of an air bed. No box spring, but it is a real mattress now. She feels she cannot jump, even from one layer of mattress. So while I did my military press and leg kicks, (I have no idea what they are really called) - I moved her there. When I was doing my situps and pushups she made me nervous because my bare flesh was exposed (I wear shorts and a bra top because CT really cranks out the heat when I do it).

Today I upped my squats and lunges to the 12# weights on each side (I guess that makes them squats and lunges with 24lbs, but when I started CT'ing, I never even tried to figure out what I was doing exactly. It doesn't particularly matter to me).

I tried to leave her down for pushup/situps, but during my pushups she walked under my belly and each time I dropped down into a pushup, she would get crushed under me against the floor. Seemed risky. Then with the situps, she tried to crawl under my armpit and into my lap. Awkward...

During leg kicks, Amber decided she hated it and was barking at me. Now, leg kicks are kind of a bitch for whatever reason...... it doesn't help with a tiny Dachshund freaking out :P
Needless to say, by the end of my 4 circuits, she had fallen fast asleep on the bed. During my last pushup and situp set, she decided to stare at me, and it did remind me of the old Ru. Fritz still park-took in cheerleading. If I can get her to understand exactly where to sit to get in on the fun without getting irritating, this will be awesome :)

It all started by accident with Rufus, and now has become something I really enjoy about training at home. My dogs treat it and act like it's a special treat where we all hang out and watch the human do weird things... (jumping jacks anyone?) Amber seemed perplexed at why I'd be doing those.

Needless to say that my workout is done for the day, and it flew by because I was sort of managing a puppy. She didn't really slow me down. I took to setting her on the bed and deciding that her place was there, no matter how many barky tantrums she was going to throw at me ;)

Time for a shower, and then I want to head to Target to look for tension rods and Jim. I'll be driving to Marysville tonight, to get my check engine light turned off with Justin. Blargity. Needless to say, the work day has been work-packed, with a lot of productivity going on. I'd write more about work, but this is a public entry. So I'll leave it for another day. Needless to say that life right now is taking a definite turn for the better, and I know it has to do with some very specific mental shifts I've gone through in the last 2 months. While I thought I was lagging behind those who were close to me through their morphing, it occurs to me that point where I felt left behind, I might have just been on a non-comparable place in my path. When I came home, I walked through my house and realized that while it has a few things to tidy up for my Australian house guest and dear friend (Joel from CGW5), it really isn't the "MEGA SESSION" I thought I was going to need. It appears that the slow, small, gradual accumulation of constant tiny pieces of work are adding up in record amounts. My life in all areas feels like this is true. While I have not done any major sprints with self improvement, I have done a gradual marathon of things here and there, particularly a constant "let go and accept" concept - that has added up into something that has me finding day to day joy from morning until night. While I don't have any expectations on what this looks like every day, it is like not having those "joy looks like this" expectation has brought me a deeper sense of inner peace.

While I had to back off of social engagements and really let my life transform itself, it seems I needed to fill myself with energy first, before continually handing out energy to others.
All in all, I can't complain. I've only gratitude to myself for all the steps, the tiny steps, it took to get me here.

I am SO excited for a pendant that is coming in the mail that I bought off Ebay. Mom's fault. ;)
It's a teardrop Amber chunk, that has a Amethyst setting on the top.

Thanks to Jim and the tiny dog, I might start taking over the not-stone of Amber for my jewelry collections! I suppose it was something I had never considered as a property/item I would want to wear, but suddenly I'm drawn to it. And without Mom's ebay-istic tendencies, I would never have thought of it either.

AT first I was hesitant for Amber and her name, but it is becoming clear that the name is perfect, and cute... need I say, I think it fits her. It is already clear she's the right dog for our household. Jim is already smitten with her, and I see that Fritz is getting there. ;) It does also give me a lot of joy to see them play, because I know it's an element that even with Rufus, he never had. Rufus tolerated a few meager play sessions, but the 8+ year old Rufus wasn't interested in long, frequent play sessions, and Fritz definitely loves to play. (Rufus was 8 when Fritz came about).

Fritz at 7 is energetic and truly a good playmate to the tiny Amber already. While I wanted a lab puppy, it amazed me with how hard it was to find one. Until I bought Amber, and last weekend I was at Mom and Dad's place. On their street corner someone was selling lab puppies. I had spent MONTHS looking for a damn lab, persistently calling top breeder's in the area, only to have my phone calls never returned. The notion that I was refusing to "force" it to happen, I gave up.
And BAM. At the right time, Amber appeared. The following week or two later, the Lab puppies are being sold on the damn street corner. It would seem it was not meant to be. It makes me grateful for the fact I did not force it. Once again I am shown the lesson that the right thing is what is most simple, and feels the best. While in some cases there is no such thing as "simple," but there is such a thing as "most simple of all the options."

And in this sense, Amber was yet one more beautiful example of how I am trying to lead my life right now. I am confident that we are raising a puppy that will make it easier as the one and only, handsome, special Fritz continues to age. Since Rufus has crossed the veil - the bond between Jim, Fritz, and myself got stronger. There is no sense of taking life for granted around here. It isn't that we did before. It's that we grew to appreciate in a new way. And this house is bursting with Spring energy, since bringing Amber home. She has definitely helped moved the energy flow of our household. What a beautiful Ostara surprise. My deep gratitude to the Spring deity, Ostara. I sense that my life is fertile with coming expansion. I'm freed of expectation of exactly what... and enjoying every moment of it.

It awakens my pagan side and makes me realize I should offer Ostara some honor this month, before March is spent.


Today, I honor Ostara. )
angelak: (Make a wish)
Excitingly, I have a 9AM appointment tomorrow to do my taxes. Today, I would have done them at 10, except my 11AM appointment to get waxed conflicted. I've got to say, this woman I see now is one of the best people I've seen for this. Ever. She did a maintenance wax in around 20-25 minutes. This is nothing short of amazing.

I started seeing her with a living social special. But successfully for her, I've chosen to keep seeing her. She's in Bothell - but, it is well worth the drive.

Today, later - we walked Fritz and Jim helped me start cleaning my closet. This means I now need to help him with his mancave soon, because I was able to clear out my entire closet, which I had already done to the 60% point, but the other 40% I finished today. This is probably going to revolutionize my laundry and clothing habits.

This is nothing short of a HUGE deal, something I've been dreaming of since I moved in here. I will finally have peace as I search for all kinds of clothes: Work out gear, everyday wear, my shoes will be all upstairs and out of the way - it looks like I am finally using the closet the way a walk in closet is designed to be used. I'm ecstatic.

I will actually be able to find everything, and it will (already is starting to shape up) to how I'd always dreamed of having a closet. I will go to the dollar store soon to buy boxes so that I can stow my sports'bras in, without having them go all over. I have all my shoes lined up in closet, happily found that one pair of dressier shoes, my orthodics fit into. Which means I can wear them and still heal from the PF. My foot doc did some major adjustment on my orthodics and now they no longer bother my knees, and feel better on the arch. As to whether or not they will still blister me when I run - I certainly hope not. But first I have to heal from the first blister (BLAH, waiting.)

Good thing I can go to the gym and hit the elliptical trainer and do just as much good as outside - if not better for reasons like more resistance and also studying the Russian.

I have now begun wearing a pedometer for fun. I will post more about that later.
I want to go to the dollar store, but Jim is playing a batman video game. I could go alone, but somehow I think it would be fun for him to browse the dollar store. The man is a tight wad - it's sort of like candyland for tight wads. I mean - at least that's why I like it. ;)


30 day challenge, Day 4
angelak: (AngelaSide08)
Powering through week, getting lots done. Today, I had fun checking all of my "deal" websites for unused vouchers. I tend to procrastinate on certain vouchers (for instance, getting my car detailed). I went through November sort of buying some great deals on LivingSocial, Groupon, and Tippr.

I have FINALLY made an appointment for one of my 2 car detailing vouchers. It will happen in just over a week, and I'm SOOOOO THRILLED! (Actually, Saturday March 12th) Classy is going to be clean and tidy inside. I am taking EVERYTHING out of the trunk, as well as inside, so that it can be as if I was driving it off a used car lot after it had been spiffed to try and trick you into thinking that a used car is really not that used ;)

Classy used to be brand new, but she has earned the title of "used," through all 85,000 miles that I've put on her. And as a tribute to paying her off, I had purchased the detailing voucher. I kept procrastinating on calling.

I have been using some of the other vouchers. Today I purchased the 2 fandango tickets for $9. Trying to get Jim to purchase one today also - so we can see movies on the cheap. I know we'll want to go to one eventually. And in a few short minutes, I will go take a quick run in the rain. It is obviously not as cold as it has been lately, so this I am grateful for. Hopefully it goes quick. After that, it sounds like Jim is in the mood for some "consumer whoring." He wants to go to Fry's and shop for stuff. I'm not sure what brought this on, but he will be looking at external drives, video cards, and possibly a netbook.

I'd like him to get a netbook so he could browse stuff (videos and facebook are his addiction when he is not gaming, and I have to admit I got him addicted to facebook, and now I hardly browse on it that often). And be in the same room as me. Who knows what he'll walk away with. But it's rare that he gets in a "Let's buy shit," mood, given his squeaky tendency regarding the cash monies. I also think we will check out laminate flooring at the home improvement store near Fry's. Or something. I've confirmed he is interested in replacing the bottom floor carpet (which is about half of our downstairs, which is about 1/6th of our entire house).

We'll see. I really want to do it. I think it would force us to fix our living room to be shiny and clean, and be a whole new look to the house. It does sound a lot more entertaining that simply going home and watchin' videos, so I'm a little excited. What else? It's the end of my workday, and it's time to hit the ground running and get that workout over with! I was proud that while I worked until just after 9:30 last night (when I started around 7:30) I still managed to circuit train. I was tempted to just go to bed and make that "day off #2" which is all I allow myself, but then I couldn't ditch Friday or Saturday. I'm confused because I accidentally switched my workout tracking Mon-Mon... and it has always been Sun-Sun. So I guess I may switch back to Sun-Sun. I've done that tracking since like 2007, so it hurts my brain to switch to Mon-Mon. I realize all of that is very confusing. Nevermind.

Also excited that my friend from Australia is coming to visit Seattle at the end of this MONTH! w00hoo!!

That was totally random.


30 day Challenge, Day 2.
angelak: (Goddess)
Just got off work, cleverly packed my gear, purchased blister protectors for my foot. 36F, brrr. Snow was happening in Issaquah when I was off for lunch. Big, giant flakes. We will probably have snow tomorrow. Oh, joy. Fortunately, I won't be running every day, so I can easily circuit train tomorrow in doors.

My energy level feels up today.
30 minutes, ramped back to the Target turn off for now. My pace is medium, if I were lighter, I'd probably be going faster, but for the time being, I'm not particularly concerned. Right now is my life. Not tomorrow and definitely not yesterday!!!
Happy to have hit the road, gotten my workout in already, have plans to go over past and future tenses (ironic, given my last statements there) in Russian to try and sort out what the hell my teacher gave me on Sunday. (Oh, my. So confused).

I will figure it out. I know (WHAT) she gave me. But I didn't fully grasp it. We go super fast in class. Sometimes I have to come home and do a lot of self study. Sometimes?? EVERY time.

I am definitely glad I didn't skip out to finish helping Roby and Sarah move. I was tempted.
I hope I remember to come back later and post about Cowboy.
I know that's random.

Anyway, my legs are cold. I should stretch. I should shower. Jim is playing his games, but I insist that we spend some quality time on house improvement. Neither of us are happy with where our house is "tidy" wise. WE've got a lot of work to do, and unless we do little bits EVERY night or every other night, we will never reach our goals of being happy with our home. This includes him, not just me. As a team, we are going to get there. My big dream right now is honestly having the man-cave not be a shit repository (lots of crap in there) but possibly moving my desktop computer up there too. So we can spend time together, but not pay attention to each other at all. I mean that. ;) Maybe, we'll see. That way when he sits down to browse crap, so can I. We need some major closet re-organization, also. Anyway. I am freezing and need to stretch.

Maybe I will also remember to recap on the weekend...

angelak: (874)
Lunchtime today ... I wasn't sure if I had it in me for a run. But I did my new favorite "town loop."
Start around 56th Street, run down 56th to Gilman Blvd, down Gilman Blvd to Front Street - hang a left, and back to my car which is near 56th.

The last 2-3 weeks I've been making a nice 50 minutes of this regularly. Today I blew that away with a 45 minute clock in time. Wow - if I do say so myself. I was wondering why I was getting tired at the end aside from being at the edge of my calories for the day - and it might just be that I was high tailing it for the beginning of my run.

Needless to say, it felt awesome - but I think tonight I'ma take off from Yoga and reward myself with a lil chill time around 874.

Appreciate the wonders that I have use of (my home!)
March is gonna be my month - people. I'm here to make use of my time wisely.
Who knows whether that's a new pace, or I just had the right alignment to provide these legs with some speed. Also - could be the circuit training paying off. This is possible. :)

Regardless. Work is caught up. Next week I have Sharepoint training.
I know - not a terribly exciting post.
Yoga was super hot last night, it broke 111 degrees with 40% humidity. Woo. It was hard because I worked my body hard earlier in the day with my circuits and upping my weights.
And then after Yoga - since Grant's girlfriend wasn't there to sort of friend-block me, I chatted it up with him for an hour or two before I headed home for my shower and dinner. I got home and ate dinner at midnight.


:P But once Grant starts going on about Yoga or we start talkin about life - suddenly I look at the clock and it's been an hour or two! Yikes. It's 2200 when class ends to begin with on Tuesdays. I try and take the Tuesday 2030 class. Was just nice to visit with Grant, it's been a while since we just talked. Goof ball always has some tiny details to share with me about the poses. I enjoy it 111% :D

Way too clever. I hope to remember the things he told me DURING the series.
In fact, he may have had difficulty with memorization and really getting the series down pat... but there are so many areas where he blows me away and astonishes me with his detail oriented nature and insights. Really, he's a sharp dude. Everyone needs a friend, also - that will pass the time so quickly that you thought you blinked but it's hours later! Seriously. Everyone needs a pal like that.



Jan. 21st, 2010 12:04 am
angelak: (874 B)
Since we've moved in, one of the more annoying little things (there aren't that many) about our place was the doorbell. It had to have been a $9 special, because from anywhere else except for the bottom floor (where we could typically see/hear someone at the door ANYWAY) we couldn't hear the bell. It was located in the dining room, underneath technically, the stairs.

Annoying! Every time Jon would come over, I would be on my computer in the Den on floor 2 killing time. Or worse yet - in my bedroom on floor 3!!!! Definitely no hearing the doorbell then. Sound was not good enough to carry with the old doorbell, up 2 flights of stairs. The other day Jim was expecting his XBOX to be shipped back from repair by UPS. He asked me if I had plans that Monday. I did - in fact. So he was camped out downstairs when I came home trying to sleep on the couch, waiting for the UPS man. XBOX business, is - after all, SERIOUS!

We tried to get the doorbell sooner, the night before - but Home Depot was closed.
Today I finally bought a wireless doorbell that had a plenty loud chime. And put it up, and it works great. I can hear the chime from all the way downstairs, when the actual bell is on floor 3. Super pleased.
Jim camping out in the living room due to needing to hear the doorbell was the last straw. We aren't big into projects around the house. This is partially why a newer townhouse was more ideal for us. Not.Project.People.

But this I could handle ;)
I was pretty stoked!!! And now I don't have to worry about missing the doorbell.
It has a cheesy chime... but I kind of like it. Mostly because it can be heard all over the house.

angelak: (The Past)
Spent last night at a retirement party of one of Jim's co workers. This was fun.
Today I slept in, (not sure when my 30 day 5AM trial begins, but I know it might be the 15th of January when Mercury goes direct) and lounged around the house. I finally got bored and went for a run. Decided since I felt so lazy, not to be pushing my speed. Turns out I went at what seemed a "slow" pace, and it was the same as my standard pace. Okay, weird.

Sometimes the brain thinks the body is moving slowly...

I am updating before I head out to the 16:30 Bikram class. Had a quick lunch. The weekends have been weird with my eating schedule. Hm, okay~! Mostly due to sleeping in too much and then Bikram classes not wanting to eat too much before class.
Today I risked it, seeing as I would have zero fuel to get through the class if I didn't. Hoping I'm not feeling gross in compression and floor poses with my soup, bread, and banana... hmmm.


I'll let you all know.

So, after I head out, do this (looking forward to it now because I got cold when I came home!) I want to clean house with Jim and stock up on some meal makings for my next week. Br, feelin' cold. My living room is in serious NEED of cleaning. Can't wait to fix up the front room. It will make me happier and I will be ready for a week of great home vegetarian cookin'. Slowly wrapping my head around the label a little more. Was pretty much strongly opposed to the label for the last 4 months. Maybe I'm just accepting to what I'm becoming. I was only listening to my mind-body intuition on this shift. My intellect said, "I love meat!" but beyond my mind was otherwise. Hard to explain. I don't question these things anymore, I just listen.

angelak: (874 B)
Finished Circuit Training for the day.
Good job, me. Go you. Go you for getting off your ass after your dandy 7-6 jorb.

I have to pat myself on the back today - because there was this little voice in my head that was feeling lazy on a Friday.
But I figured if I just got to it immediately after the office, I wouldn't back out. I would if I waited until my lovely Jim woke up, wanted dinner, wanted to watch The Office Season 4, and then he had to go to work and then I had to go to bed because I have a 4:45/5AM date with my mom to go get Grandma to go support her one and only fun hobby=gambling.

I go because I love to chill with Grandma. Also we just have a blast - and it provides an opportunity to occasionally see my sister, and also always see my Mom.

Needless to say...
I have been reading a lot about the Raw Food diet lately. It is really annoying me because I have a burning curiosity to try it, but I'm totally mortified also. So I've been reading and reading. I know it would be good to go veggie, and if I was really ambitious, vegan, but those 2 things are also seemingly intimidating. I wanted to talk to Sam on the Flist because I think she tried the Raw diet. I'm curious. At the very least, I will keep it in the back of my mind and learn what I will about it.

It's not that I'm against meat, it's that my inner voice is like, "HEY LOOK AT ALL THE BENEFITS THAT COULD BE YOURS."
The downside: Expense, inconvenience, deviation from social norm, and changing my entire home life and the things I currently share with King James, AKA Jimbo. Who knows.

For now I just like to look at it conceptually.

On another note, I have been really putting some strong efforts to organizing my home. It is coming along, single room by single room. I have at the very least re-arranged furniture in the living room, the Den (partially now doubling/tripling as my office/workout room, leaving my Temple space for just spiritual work) and the Temple space.

As for the bedroom? Jim and I have plans to deal with the laundry in there VerySoon(tm).
We had a triumph for sorting laundry that was sitting in the Den area. Now it is gone and in the right places.
That only leaves Jim's space. Which I pretty much leave to him.
If he wants it to be a scary obstacle course, than that be his personal Will. When we moved into 874, I did say he could do ANYTHING he wanted with that room (the Man Room) and that I would not dictate on any level what that was.

This being said - I am interested at some point once all my other projects are done - helping him if he wants it.
ONLY if he says, "I'd really like it if you helped me."

It would be nice to CL that shitty futon and get something like a twin mattress/bed in there so guests could be a TINY bit more comfortable. But, we'll see. I hate the futon thing we have in there. It is poopy. I feel for guests on one hand, but it also keeps them from over-staying. Not that we have many guests come over - HONESTLY.
Either way.
Thinky thoughts about home.

Glad to be enjoying a Friday afternoon with my books, my computer, my peace. Soon - shower.
The layouts I have for both the Den and the Living Room are SO MUCH BETTER than before btw. Very pleased with them. I would like to move the weight rack up here to the Den eventually, but we'll see. It is one heavy son of a bitch. Although, I DID lug it around when I brought it home initially (I bought it from Kimberly). best $60 I ever spent btw.
I will wait a bit before I try this on my own - or request generous services of Jim. Seeing as it WOULD be 1 flight of stairs (thank goodness only floor 2). Anyyyyway. Enough babbling.
And to end this, I'd like to announce that Fritz is sound asleep on the love seat in here and looking entirely too plush toylike and adorable. I want to squash him with love. ;)


Quick post

Jul. 13th, 2009 01:10 pm
angelak: (874)
I am doing a 30 day early riser trial.
I am on day 4 of getting up at 5AM, no snooze button.

So far, so good. (This includes weekends).
I find I am able to get stuff done in the early hours. Especially before Jim gets off his shift. See, if he gets off work at 8AM, I've already had 4 hours of empty morning house.
I am determined to change the cluttered house and provide myself with the house I dreamed of when we bought this place.

If I alternate between nice, easy workouts for rehabbing, and house cleaning (which seems just as hard on my damn IT bands) then... well, I think I can accomplish what I want!

I have 1 perfect place in my house currently: My Temple Space.
It is just how I want it. It has become my refuge from the rest of the mess.
Now to work from my walk in closet, and towards the Den - and then down to the first floor, and possibly the bedroom, little by little I seriously plan to conquer my 874 clutter and ... live a nice, shiny existence. And Jim can keep his room however he likes.

I should clean more, but honestly. I'm sort of bored with it. I might head out to see mother dearest. Jim stayed up until almost 1PM, which means he will sleepsleepsleep until late evening, no doubt. No need to hang about here. Not until tomorrow morning, when I will commence a mini-cleaning session before work.

angelak: (874)
I am drinking some tea and trying to keep my brain from being lame.
It's short timer's times 10 today! IT's a bit slow here in the office.
I did some work at the PD earlier today – and that kept me entertained. When the cops call me direct, I usually don't mind heading out. Lol.

Darn M.M .called me to heeeelp. And then eventually mentioned “I thought I saw you speeding up High street the other day... do you live there?” I was like, “yeah. And I speed up that street everyday.......”


It's the ONLY Issy street I speed up. I saw the moment he saw me too because he turned his head to stare to see if it was me :P That was like a month or two ago, too. We were joking about my car... because it's a badass car. He called it a WRX and I said, "no, no! It's the neutered version! It's the RS!!! It has no balls."
He was like, "riight. You chipped it! I can hear that thing all the way down in town," :P

I got to say M.M. kills me. Not too bad on the eyes. And previously I was all soft when I was doing a ride along with M.M. a year ago or so and I heard his wife's ring tone. It was a super cute/sweet song.

Anywho, when he saw me on High St the other day,
I was thinking, “pretty sure they knew it was me with the head turn...” thing is, I was hardly speeding comparatively to how fast I normally take that road...................
And the local pd tend to stare at me because they know me. Or wave. Usually I'm not actually speeding though. :P I was thinking also that day, "how nice of them to patrol my hood."


Anyways. Onwards.

I had some deep thoughts about an ego post, but it's now blank!!~ I am sad for that.
It might come back...

Needless to say, today is dragging by at the moment.

angelak: (Sad)
It would seem I hit a mental wall about 10 days ago.
And then I began thinking my healing was doing much better.
And tonight I had a minor depressive episode.
Well shit. This is confusing.
The last fortnight has been a bit of an emotional tossup.
Trying hard not to let it all go to shit.
Finding it a struggle to stay happy.

Shoot, shoot.
My Yoga practice has been strange.
Okay, I can accept that.
I didn't go tonight - I slept through it.
Jim's observation is that whenever I sleep TOO much, my body is more likely to go into the depressive state. He says it's like it gets angry that I slept TOO much.
I've never heard of anything like this. I think my depression and sleep and diet are all related. (Okay, duh). But I am not too sure that the sleep is just a bi-product of feeling really lousy.
Let's face it - when you're really bummed, it's easier to escape through sleep.

Today I felt like I was avoiding class because it has been such a misery for me. Instead of the usual (mostly) joy. What the fuck?
Reading my last 10-days entries has me thinking my brain and heart are all over the board.
Shit, shit, shit.

Must stay patient. Jim thinks the Yoga has done nothing but good for me, I tend to agree.
We have had our most stable months in our relationship during the Yoga-months. Really.
We've been happiest and most harmonious. I'm not a fool to think it isn't related. It is. And of the two of us, I'm the trouble-maker in the relationship. You know - the moody one.

He is slightly more flexible than me sometimes. But I come close.
Regardless. Instead of being pissy, I've been able to stay calm and collected even when he irritates me. Bonus.

Now if I can only keep myself from skipping classes. Granted, maybe it's okay to take it easy this week. My head and heart are all over the board, after all. It's harder work when life is throwing me all kinds of emo-sludge.

Nothing felt cope-able tonight.
Perhaps next week will show me a little more kindness.
Jim's observation is that the emotional side of this knee trauma is far worse on me than the actual pain. He is often times correct.
The more time I spend with Jim as an integral part of my daily life, the more I find he is just what I need.

On a less angsty note; he is positive, intelligent, hilarious, adorable, kind-hearted, genuine, and at times sensual. Don't take this wrong, but of all of those things, I think sex is my lowest priority. It's not that it's not important to me. It's that sex is fleeting. And all the rest are things I need more frequently.

Sex is often superb, although occasionally I find him a tiny bit more vanilla than me. *shrugs* I'm okay with that - obviously.

The things that are more important:
He makes me laugh all the time.
And being around someone who smiles so much is really refreshing for the soul.

So, while I'm sad right now - I also realize the bounty of my fortune in life.
I have a home that I've worked hard for and love. It's our own. We've made it our own. I accept that clothes on the floor in the bedroom is not the end of the world.

I have 2 dogs that adore me and 1 waiting to become a love-source like the others.
They annoy me to no end, and yet they're so rewarding and know just when I'm at my lowest.
And then they decide to treat me accordingly, by acting as adorable as they know how.

I own a car that I really like.

More than that - I have a really solid family, and friends out there who would probably be there for me more if they knew how, or I made that more possible.

We both have jobs.
We both make enough money to make ends meet and have enough.
Our partnership is laden with straight forward, no-games or passive aggressive communication.
I love that he is a communicator. I love that Jim feels happiest dealing with problems immediately. It is he who makes me realize how long I hold onto crap sometimes before I let loose with it.

I am thankful his perspective on life is so real and so positive.
"Every day someone isn't shooting at me is a good day."
Who can argue with that?
And, once a soldier, always a soldier.

I am thankful that although I may be up 5lbs or so, I haven't gained back the weight I lost in 2007. This IS a feat, considering my 2008 situation.
Right now I appreciate my small waist, and try and ignore my hippy-ness. (As in hips).

I accept that for the most part, I'm not so bad looking. I clean up okay ;)
I am also thankful I changed my lifestyle in 2007.
I will try to remember these things as the knees scream at my soul.
They are not all consuming giant knees of doom.
They shouldn't take over my whole heart.

I am also thankful for my dishwasher. I lived years without one. I love dishwashers. I love not hand washing my dishes. I love how clean and shiny my dishes get in a dishwasher, when by hand I could never get them to be this way.

I love my silent, but present supporters.
And I appreciate my community and everything they've added to my life.
Yes, you pagans.
I adore you all.

Now, I'm really going to let go of this fear and go to Yoga class tomorrow with no judgments on myself. No judgments, no expectations. That will be my mantra. No worries that I skipped class THREE times now in one week. Wow, that is definitely a new record. So what, though.

I will be there in class tomorrow. Ready or not.
One thing I do not take for granted today, is my connection to the kindest man I've known.



Feb. 5th, 2009 11:01 pm
angelak: (Take me away)
Some days I miss running a lot.

And on lunch today I thought to myself, while driving by my favorite running route - one that I toiled on for months and months/ 2 years........

How could I ever have doubted that I'd have the gumption to start back over? A 2 month break gives me withdrawals.

THE RIDICULOUS THING IS... I cannot wait for training back up from ground zero. It is going to suck so bad and I'll be so slow. But damn am I going to enjoy every minute of it. EVERY MILE of pain, will be my joy. No sarcasm.

I closed my bank account for WAMU. Random. My neighbor works there. She's cool.
Her name is Loan. I tried hard not to make the crack about a woman named "Loan," working for a bank...

Said something about how I leave early often and am always put together... and how she is self conscious when I see her smoking her morning cigarettes. Thing is. She's definitely a pretty girl, and to be blunt about it I rarely think the average Asian women is pretty. Call me an asshole, but we have our preferences right? Truth is truth.

I think she's incredibly pretty, before or after she's put together. Funny, funny.
She knows my name. Although she thinks I'm Karen...

haha. NM.
This is random. Jim's mom is coming over tomorrow. Joy. THE REAL JOY is... I requested to leave early (AGAIN on a Friday) to do the noon yoga class, and come home and finish house cleaning. And then take the rest of the afternoon and perhaps have some tea and maybe go for a walk?
I am feeling very restless with the not walk/run thing.
Whatever the case.
No one cares about my cute Asian neighbor. But it made me sort of like her even more somehow. And then I was sad for not banking with WAMU anymore... but that is ok. I still have our Dell ONsite support guy who lives in my hood...

Now that guy is awesome. I think this neighborhood in the "poor" zone (us normal working class folk) have unusually neat people living here. How odd is that? Because it's MY neighborhood. It's not just a rental. I own this shit and these people are here to stay for a while! Fortunate they've all been so nice and not assholes!!! haha. PHEW!

So. I get off at 11ish. I will bring my Yoga clothes straight to work, and head out to the studio from there. Lucky, lucky me!!!! I'm so happy about that.
Now I am having talks with these knees. Progress has slowed. But still, it is so so much better than it has been. Hm. Another month? Today was 2 months or 8 weeks of Bikram. Congrats to me for going so regular for 60 days. I know I will never be the same.



Feb. 2nd, 2009 12:49 pm
angelak: (874)
Life is pretty good!!!!
I go to Yoga, I'm doing a 10 day mini challenge of my own. I usually go 7 days and then give myself some excuse to take a day off.

(Lazy, I ate at the wrong time, blashbalh).
Today will be day 7. I might turn it into a 15 day challenge, and then if I hit that - go for gold on 30 days.

I'm flexible. I'm stronger. I'm smaller, and the odd thing is, I know this because all my "once" perfect fitting clothes at my old favorite running body size, are baggy on the torso. That's fine!!!! I could never have imagined this. My hips are always larger. Thanks, mom - the child bearing body may one day come in handy *sighs*.

lol. But even then I think my ass is pretty toned. Toned considering I haven't been able to go toil for miles and miles. Just for hours and hours in one place... I love it.
I can't deny it changed my outlook on life. I can't deny that I've learned things in the last 2 months (February 5th will have made 8 weeks of Bikram) that I might never have touched upon elsewhere.

It's hard to explain. I cannot wait for the day to come when I can integrate all my activities. Running, Yoga, hiking, and weight training. When that day comes, I will be as happy as one can get.

The relationship has grown.
We've hit a place where I had always wanted to hit, together. We're closer day to day.
We argue very much less. We enjoy each other so much. And yet we do not fetter each other, or take over each other's lives. We've got freedom, and understanding, and a real team atmosphere between us.

We've fleshed out more of our relationship ideals this year and I already feel so very glad and stable for our direct communications.

I have always enjoyed our relationship. But it has become more than what I think it has ever been in the past. End of April marks 3 years together. I can't wait for our annual date at the Melting Pot!!!

I feel like I found myself and I found my life again. And I feel prepared to deal with things that come my way, so much better. Once I dropped all the fear and anxiety, and once I worked through all my rough spots...
The other day I was able to meditate on all the people I have in my life.

My family - all of my immediate family are very pleasant people.
My closest friends are pretty awesome.
And the boyfriend.
I have all these good people in my life.
Don't forget that there are some pretty awesome other people out there that I crush on everyday. Hahahha.

Anyways. I am off to figure out what to do with my phone that is MIA, off to drink *more coffee* and *more life giving water*.

And to figure out wtf Rufus is doing.
Oh, did I mention I have a wonderful home? Being a home owner is fun adn scary all at once ;)
The best part is that I know that Jim and I can handle it well together.
I couldn't ask for a better person to be in this partnership with.
Besides. That shit eating grin he always wears makes me crazily happy.
People who walk around smiling just get me!
And the fact that he dances and sings.
And dances.

hahaha. And sings.
I once said to him early in our relationship, and I've said it to others: "Men who sing are just inherently sexy..."

I am also enjoying his labor-job body. Dayum, he's slimjim again! And we match. :D The skinny on skinny sex is pretty good for us, too. Did I ever mention that Yoga and sex go pretty smooth together?!



angelak: (Default)

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