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angelak: (Girl needs a boy)
It’s a good day for an LJ post. What contrasting weekends, this weekend and last! Last weekend I was peppered with Seattle-events, my sweet and dear new friend from Australia, (we’ve only known each other since CGW5) but none the less.
This weekend was special in 2 ways already. I hadn’t seen Mom in a couple of weeks, which was feeling weird this time around because we’d seen TONS of each other for a couple of weeks prior (particularly with Amber being a puppy and Classy the car needing trips to the mechanic.) AND, Amanda got married.

Long Updating. )

-Angela
angelak: (Angela Pose)
Forgive me for my buff user-icon. I just finished circuit training for the evening, and it's inspiring that I am already training my latest cheerleader: Amber. Rufus was the one who started the tradition of Dachshund-cheerleader during my circuit training sessions. Oddly, he was the head cheer leader, and Fritz didn't take much notice of me.

Until Rufus passed away... and then he immediately sat in the same place Rufus had learned to sit (I got too anxious when Rufus would get too close to my free-weight military press moments, especially in the beginning when I was starting with the 20-25lbs in each hand, by the end of circuits at that time, I was beginning to hit muscle fatigue after my 4th set in the last few minutes. I made Rufus stay further away for fear that one day I'd drop a 25lb weight on his head!!!

So he learned that he had to stay a little further away and watch. Today, for the first time I CT'd with Amber in the room. She doesn't like to jump off the bed that is in the guest room - which is now, by the way, our old bed from our bedroom instead of an air bed. No box spring, but it is a real mattress now. She feels she cannot jump, even from one layer of mattress. So while I did my military press and leg kicks, (I have no idea what they are really called) - I moved her there. When I was doing my situps and pushups she made me nervous because my bare flesh was exposed (I wear shorts and a bra top because CT really cranks out the heat when I do it).

Today I upped my squats and lunges to the 12# weights on each side (I guess that makes them squats and lunges with 24lbs, but when I started CT'ing, I never even tried to figure out what I was doing exactly. It doesn't particularly matter to me).

I tried to leave her down for pushup/situps, but during my pushups she walked under my belly and each time I dropped down into a pushup, she would get crushed under me against the floor. Seemed risky. Then with the situps, she tried to crawl under my armpit and into my lap. Awkward...

During leg kicks, Amber decided she hated it and was barking at me. Now, leg kicks are kind of a bitch for whatever reason...... it doesn't help with a tiny Dachshund freaking out :P
Needless to say, by the end of my 4 circuits, she had fallen fast asleep on the bed. During my last pushup and situp set, she decided to stare at me, and it did remind me of the old Ru. Fritz still park-took in cheerleading. If I can get her to understand exactly where to sit to get in on the fun without getting irritating, this will be awesome :)

It all started by accident with Rufus, and now has become something I really enjoy about training at home. My dogs treat it and act like it's a special treat where we all hang out and watch the human do weird things... (jumping jacks anyone?) Amber seemed perplexed at why I'd be doing those.

Needless to say that my workout is done for the day, and it flew by because I was sort of managing a puppy. She didn't really slow me down. I took to setting her on the bed and deciding that her place was there, no matter how many barky tantrums she was going to throw at me ;)

Time for a shower, and then I want to head to Target to look for tension rods and Jim. I'll be driving to Marysville tonight, to get my check engine light turned off with Justin. Blargity. Needless to say, the work day has been work-packed, with a lot of productivity going on. I'd write more about work, but this is a public entry. So I'll leave it for another day. Needless to say that life right now is taking a definite turn for the better, and I know it has to do with some very specific mental shifts I've gone through in the last 2 months. While I thought I was lagging behind those who were close to me through their morphing, it occurs to me that point where I felt left behind, I might have just been on a non-comparable place in my path. When I came home, I walked through my house and realized that while it has a few things to tidy up for my Australian house guest and dear friend (Joel from CGW5), it really isn't the "MEGA SESSION" I thought I was going to need. It appears that the slow, small, gradual accumulation of constant tiny pieces of work are adding up in record amounts. My life in all areas feels like this is true. While I have not done any major sprints with self improvement, I have done a gradual marathon of things here and there, particularly a constant "let go and accept" concept - that has added up into something that has me finding day to day joy from morning until night. While I don't have any expectations on what this looks like every day, it is like not having those "joy looks like this" expectation has brought me a deeper sense of inner peace.

While I had to back off of social engagements and really let my life transform itself, it seems I needed to fill myself with energy first, before continually handing out energy to others.
All in all, I can't complain. I've only gratitude to myself for all the steps, the tiny steps, it took to get me here.

I am SO excited for a pendant that is coming in the mail that I bought off Ebay. Mom's fault. ;)
It's a teardrop Amber chunk, that has a Amethyst setting on the top.

Thanks to Jim and the tiny dog, I might start taking over the not-stone of Amber for my jewelry collections! I suppose it was something I had never considered as a property/item I would want to wear, but suddenly I'm drawn to it. And without Mom's ebay-istic tendencies, I would never have thought of it either.

AT first I was hesitant for Amber and her name, but it is becoming clear that the name is perfect, and cute... need I say, I think it fits her. It is already clear she's the right dog for our household. Jim is already smitten with her, and I see that Fritz is getting there. ;) It does also give me a lot of joy to see them play, because I know it's an element that even with Rufus, he never had. Rufus tolerated a few meager play sessions, but the 8+ year old Rufus wasn't interested in long, frequent play sessions, and Fritz definitely loves to play. (Rufus was 8 when Fritz came about).

Fritz at 7 is energetic and truly a good playmate to the tiny Amber already. While I wanted a lab puppy, it amazed me with how hard it was to find one. Until I bought Amber, and last weekend I was at Mom and Dad's place. On their street corner someone was selling lab puppies. I had spent MONTHS looking for a damn lab, persistently calling top breeder's in the area, only to have my phone calls never returned. The notion that I was refusing to "force" it to happen, I gave up.
And BAM. At the right time, Amber appeared. The following week or two later, the Lab puppies are being sold on the damn street corner. It would seem it was not meant to be. It makes me grateful for the fact I did not force it. Once again I am shown the lesson that the right thing is what is most simple, and feels the best. While in some cases there is no such thing as "simple," but there is such a thing as "most simple of all the options."

And in this sense, Amber was yet one more beautiful example of how I am trying to lead my life right now. I am confident that we are raising a puppy that will make it easier as the one and only, handsome, special Fritz continues to age. Since Rufus has crossed the veil - the bond between Jim, Fritz, and myself got stronger. There is no sense of taking life for granted around here. It isn't that we did before. It's that we grew to appreciate in a new way. And this house is bursting with Spring energy, since bringing Amber home. She has definitely helped moved the energy flow of our household. What a beautiful Ostara surprise. My deep gratitude to the Spring deity, Ostara. I sense that my life is fertile with coming expansion. I'm freed of expectation of exactly what... and enjoying every moment of it.

It awakens my pagan side and makes me realize I should offer Ostara some honor this month, before March is spent.

-Angela

Today, I honor Ostara. )
angelak: (Contemplating Angela)
As you'll see, it shows I didn't post yesterday. Not true! It was private :) On a separate note, I have really been enjoying my Kindle 3. I finally figured out how to take off my awesome cover yesterday, and actually realized that YES, what that one author was saying about using it without the cover sometimes is actually not a bad idea given how easy it is to take on and off now. Now I wish I could have shown my parents the "ACTUAL" weight of the thing. It's super light weight.

I still put it back in immediately after reading when I'm at home with it. Yesterday I took the night off from the gym or yoga. I wanted to go to Yoga badly, but Jim was working the 12-9 shift and I couldn't leave Amber alone for 4 hours - that felt a little too long. So I went ahead and tossed her into the little travel kennel and took her with me on the road to my chiropractic appointment. She will be experiencing trips in the car whenever I feel like it, because that way by the time she is old enough to take places, she'll be broken in to the car rides - as well as making it easier for me while the weather is still cool but not freezing - cause me to relax about how she is doing if I *am* taking trips, not having to leave her alone nearly as long. Just while she's still so tiny.

She whimpered a bit for the trip out to South Renton, but I found she was totally quiet and great for the trip home. Perhaps she's beginning to adjust to the idea that it's not so bad in the crate. Or she got exhausted. I had went in to the dollar store really quickly to grab some puppy pads to try for her puppy pen (maybe it will be easier than newspaper?) I might switch back and forth - and also to grab some puppy blankets. It's always a good place to get puppy blankets. ;)

Then I came home, decided to do something unheard of for me lately: READ without working out!!! haha.
Amber, Fritz, and I cuddled on the couch. I also took a nap :P This seldom happens anymore, especially since I've been supplementing. But I have to admit, this daylight savings cycle always messes with me, and Amber has been waking us from time to time in the middle of the night. Not so bad though!
Before I knew it, Jim came home. BAM.

:)

He is off today, which is great. He can take care of Amber all day, and I can even go to Yoga tonight. After that, I can spoil the dog. It does make it easier with Jim helping. I'm not entirely trapped at home unless something like the night shift happens. So far things aren't as intimidating as I thought they might be. Even her chewing on stuff isn't really bugging me ;) She hasn't gotten into much on my watch... I think it is because I must have acquired some "puppy raising" 6th sense by now. I assumed I hadn't. But I think after having another puppy in tow, it's clear that it feels easier this time around, for whatever reason so far. (Fingers crossed I continue to feel that way). It is amusing to watch Jim's surprise at each puppy behavior exposure. He is learning fast that there ARE certain things that happen when you have a puppy. It is NOT the same as having a dog.

Tomorrow, I can circuit train and make my workouts still on par and not even leave Amber at all.
So far she has adjusted very quickly. Fritz accepts her, plays with her often - but is not ready to snuggle or sleep with her. He pretty much goes to the opposite side of the bed, snuggles with me, while it seems Amber snuggles with Jim. Fortunately Jim is a lighter sleeper than I am, because he typically wakes up when she gets restless and we put her immediately into the puppy pen. And she goes right away.

I am pretty sure if this were just up to me, just like when Rufus was tiny, I would sleep through the puppy commotion. Mom can probably remember this too well. Jim, however... is more like Mom in his sleeping tendencies. He is easily waked. This works great. I don't mind getting up and moving or taking the dog where she needs to go, I just can't help that my sleeping habits are pretty much *rocklike*.

To stir me, is to basically SAY something verbally (as being touched freaks me out quickly - because it will take twice as much movement as it would verbalness). I will wake immediately with a word, but if you try and shake me, I assure you, it takes a lot. And by the time you DO wake me, you're moving me a lot and I'm liable to think you're fair game for assault.... :( Sorry!

As a rule, the only place I tend to try and wake people physically (by touch) is from the shin down. (grab an akle or a foot, this is not likely to get you assaulted accidentally). Something about people touching the upper body of sleeping people is startling and a "rude" awakening, in more ways than one. YES, I just made this post about how to wake people safely. And in my household, if you wake either of us from the torso up, you might very well regret it...

ANYWAY, digression. I'm getting the vibe and sense it will be easier once she gets bigger a little, so we can take her outside and all that. I am optimistic that we can make her a record breaking house-broken Dachshund. Really cool bit of news: JIM HAS this weekend off. That's amazing...
I wonder if he would like to go up North and try and find some floor places, maybe my parents have some ideas of places in person? I know my mom mentioned Empire Carpets, but yeah. Not sure. Who knows. That's sort of in the back of my mind, and doesn't have to be any time soon I guess. Still got it on my mind though. :)

It is very fun to watch Jim's delight in the puppyhood. While he needs some minor coaching with things, I suspect he will pick it all up rather quick and before he knows it, he will have a full grown, fully bonded Dachshund that he got to be a part of in the bonding. It is the one piece of the puzzle he never got to understand about Fritzel.

:)
And perhaps he will be a lot grateful for how Fritz HAS mellowed, aged, and been trained. Fritz is a pretty good dog. I almost feel like Amber will be a LOT easier. She is already really, REALLY into chewing bones. I don't remember Fritz showing the kind of interest that this dog shows. I will have to ask Mom (if she doesn't read this and respond) if Fritz was into bones a puppy. Amber will chew and chew and chew if she has the chance. That could be refreshing. I might have a dog who actually has good dental health!!! And is fun to buy chewie things for...

-Angela
angelak: (2 Dogs)
Saturday was a busy day. I got quoted a better deal for Classy, my car - at only $900 of work for the leaking head gasket by an awesome mechanic. If anyone needs work done, I know of a guy who is honest and doesn't rip you off. Saturday night I almost hung out with Travis and Krista for the evening, but something told me to head to my Mom's, which was what I had really wanted to do with my Saturday anyway - until I realized I could get Classy in to be seen by Mr. Justin Running, who could also be known as Mister Super Hot Mechanic man.

It's okay, he's monogamously taken ;)

Regardless, Mister Super Hot Mechanic guy is going to replace my head gasket next week (probably Tuesday) for around $900, instead of the $2100 that the dealership quoted me. I am never ever going back there.

Now, I don't care what you believe, but that morning as I was driving to Marysville to have Classy looked at, I put in a CD that Jim made me 2 Valentine's days ago. It was the mix I was listening to late March early April of 2010. There was a song on that CD that I listened to that has some lyrics that I will probably forever attach to Rufus and his final chapter - which I consider to be my own grieving process. I listened to this song that morning and found myself not crying but thinking of Rufus and experiencing your standard watery-eye syndrome. It was just a moment where I felt like his energy was concentrated and close to me. I don't often feel this way anymore, but Saturday morning there was a pungent moment of *something*. I'm not even sure what. It went away as quickly as it came.

Got Classy looked at...

And then I headed to Mom's. She called to tell me about a wire crate she was interested in selling to me for Fritz. I admit, I've been wanting one for months. I have begun to really like the openness feel and look of the crate. Like it is less dark and blah for the dog himself in the kennel, but also looks tons better in the house. So, I decided to back out on Krista and Travis for further plans and headed the 15 minutes further North to see my parents. We had dinner, and then (still in shock over my great fortune of cutting my car work in HALF) - Mom and I decided I should head to Fred Meyer to pull out some cash to pay her so I could take the wire kennel. On the way, there was our favorite pet store to browse (5 mins or less away from Mom's). I thought in my head, "Maybe I'll mention us going there after we hit up FM..." and no sooner than the thought had escaped me, that Mom says, "We should go into Bridge's and look around."

This is when the falling into place takes place.

We wander for a brief minute before Mom wants to show me the "Chow-Lab-Rott" mix puppy. In the glass case above the ChowLabRott, were 2 tiny Dachshund puppies. Now, I've been in Bridge's when they had Dachshund puppies on Consignment before, and pretty much blew them off. "oh. Big deal. More Dachshunds." I rejected them every time, pretty ambivalently. This time, the dogs caught my eye. I especially liked the very light compared to normal "red" dachshund - puppy. There was one that also resembled Fritz in color and frame. After discussing, looking, and getting a distinctive magnetism for one of these Dachshunds, we asked to look. "Do I count as a prospective buyer?" I asked Mom. To which she said, "yes!"

And off we were, holding and swapping the two. I didn't push one way or the other with my feelings inside. It was just a consideration after all, I thought to myself. But then it became clear to me... the feel of the larger female had something Rufus-like in the translation. The boy was sweet and more snuggly perhaps than the female, but the idea of a girl seemed fun, and her Ginger coloring and larger frame drew me to her. Before I knew it, I was calling up Jim discussing whether we wanted to do this, whether he would mind me picking the dog without him.

It was all a go, so before I knew it I was walking the path of buying a little Dachshund.
It was all a little shocking, seeing as I had pretty much given up on getting a second dog anytime soon. But without pushing or stressing, the process fell into place and now we have a 4th member of the household.

Rufus's birthday is a week from the day we brought Amber, the new little girl home. It's interesting on the timing. His death anniversary is less than a week after his birthday - so it is just shy of one year since the final Rufus hours.

Relieved to see my car is costing me less, I was in shock about the dog, but adapted quickly once we brought her home and I realized that YES, I am ready to handle the process of building a sane adult dog out of a puppy. And very ready to help Jim walk this path, as this is his first puppy experience ever. While it brings back memories, it is also new because I am not doing it alone.

Fritz has adapted to Amber very quickly. He licked her the moment she came out of the tiny kennel for the first time at home, and he has had a history of snarling at tiny puppies if he was not in the right mood. He has already taking to playing with her, which is refreshing. I think because Rufus was never much of a play-buddy, he is actually realizing the potential of what this new dog has for him. Someone who will play with him back!!

And as I type this, Jim got home from work and is now napping with his new little girl puppy. He instantly melted the moment he saw Amber. I predict very good things with this dog. She is mellow, and very friendly. I look forward to our hard work ;)

-Angela
angelak: (Deep Thought)
I have restarted this entry a few times in the last 30 seconds. Oops.
Today, I owe it to myself to work out. ;) Last night I did much of nothing other than eating ice cream, which doesn't particularly agree with me. Oops.

But other than that and not studying Russian, I napped and just generally hung out with Jim for the evening. And today, I want be more productive. It has been hard to keep the motivation up with Yoga. I lose motivation when I cannot stick to the same things, and I've been really rotating my workout setup.
Between mild runs, the elliptical trainer, circuit training, and yoga. It's a lot for me to handle ;)
And sometimes I've been a little less focused than I have been the last 3 years. I'm not sure why. It may just be a place I'm in right now.

I suppose that is okay. Anyway, today I have other ideas. Good ones. Including building a vision board, and possibly discussing dog-ideas with Jim. In March it will have been the 1 year mark for Rufus and his exit from this World and his entrance on the other side. I have wanted another dog at times. And other times what we have with Fritz is fine. Unfortunately, when I was ready for another dog, the breeder situations weren't panning out and stuff just got in the way. And then I was distracted by Sasha, travel, and really focusing on this, that, and the other.

We'll see what happens, but I'm wondering if perhaps an older dog solution, the same one I had in my mind for a year or two prior to Rufus dieing might be the ticket. I'm not sure what breed anymore. I was thinking a larger breed briefly, was thinking a Dachshund yet again briefly, and now I'm just not sure. The right dog has to choose me at this point. In a way, I only considered a puppy because Jim wanted that experience. Seeing as it was my baby, my primary sweet angel that passed away, today I had the thought that perhaps I should treat it like that, instead of adjusting what I want for what someone else wants...

And if we went with what I have wanted for a 2-3 years now, it would be an older (2-3) larger breed dog. Yes, there's the puppy thing. But who really WANTs the puppy thing, and who isn't in the habit of letting his own sweet dog out nearly as often as he would need to take care of a puppy? I fear that if I went the puppy route for someone else's experience, I would then end up paying in greater labor just because that is how things go sometimes.

So there it is. Some thoughts I've been having. And no, I am still not in a hurry for this new addition. I haven't been this whole time, which is probably why we still remain a single dog family.

-Angela
angelak: (Lots of candles)
Thank you so deeply and sincerely for the heartwarming support and love.
I look forward to writing more when I get the chance!
And am showering Fritzel with attention and love, as he seems to be a little lost for the time being. :)
We're adjusting.
Would also like to write some memories in an entry later.
It's very beautiful outside and I am heading out of work early to enjoy some time with Mom and Grandma.
Jim and I also have plans to take a trip down to Portland Saturday at some point. I look forward to this too. Last night I had an amazing time with some friends I made down in Las Vegas when I went to a Conscious Growth Workshop.

The 2 were a traveling pair; one from Ottawa, Canada, and the other from Philadelphia. They have been making a journey of the northern US and finally made it over here to Seattle! Inna came along and it ended up being just what I needed; a shot of fun, socialization, and 3 high vibrating friends oozing with love and good conversation.

Wow, what a week!!! Who knew?

-Angela
angelak: (AngelaRufus CannonBeach)
Rufus: March 19th, 1996 - March 24th, 2010.

I feel like he held on until his 14th birthday just for me.
The past week, things have been sort of rough with his condition. I knew he was deteriorating. He has been very stubborn the past 2 months and really stuck it out.

He was comfortable and out of pain.
Last night, after watching him avoid food and water for too long - and seeing what must have been aftermaths of seizures, I took him to a 24 hour emergency vet in town after Mom drove from Snohomish to accompany me and Jim. Jim called out of work and we went in to the clinic.
I spent an hour waiting for Mom before we headed to the clinic. This was my hour of goodbye. During this period it became obvious to me he was no longer comfortable or out of pain.

I knew instinctively somehow when I came home from work he wasn't going to improve from the condition he was in. By the time we went to the vet, I was ready and I knew he was ready. It was surprisingly easy to sign the euthanasia papers. There was no doubt in my mind that it was the right time.

It was late at night so the clinic was empty. There were several synchronicities that I found comforting, ushering me into the journey now of what will be the first time in 14 years that I will be without that grounding, quiet presence of Rufus (physically) in my life.

I held my hand close to him as we put him under and he gave one last nudge into my cupped hand with his head as he was injected and almost immediately relaxed. It was a very fight-free euthanasia. He was ready. Now comes the brave part; holding him in my heart and carrying on for the rest of the week - and for all intents and purposes, life.

<3

Light and Love surround his soul.

-Angela
angelak: (AngelaRufus CannonBeach)
Happy 14th Birthday Rufus!!!!
You made it, buddy.
One stubborn dog.
He is a glorious, sweet soul. An extension of my heart - Rufus is also an angel.

Having been his steward since he was 6 weeks old, today marks a special day for us.
He is blind, mostly deaf, not as mobile. However - he still is pretty comfortable and doesn't appear to have much pain.

He looks like an old man.
He acts like one, but we still share some good times.
Here's to another birthday we share with him.
My cute little treasured Elderdog.
When he does croak, I will feel anything but cheated about the time I have been afforded with this one.
Who can even imagine a few of those parties without that dog?!

-Angela
angelak: (Mystery In You)
Here I am, finishing off my last day in the workweek. Figured I'd write a quick LJ update before I head out for the weekend. I'm pushing off into my 4 day weekend.

Yeay!!!!!

Circuit trained on lunch. I left my house and did it at the gym today!
It took me a few minutes to figure out logistics of how exactly to set it up. Unfortunately the pull up bars are not really close by... damn. Maybe I will just have to do those entirely separate and not in a circuit then?

Already feeling like I made the right choice with joining this gym. It makes me cheerful that I can use the mirrors for good form - that I have a destination sometimes that isn't 30 minutes away and going to occupy the better part of 3 hrs total in the evening (yoga).

Also that after 2200/10PM I can actually work out doing WHATEVER work out of my choice. Weights, pool, treadmill. I can watch TV and walk aimlessly or even sit on a bike for gods'sake. I can take group classes if I fit that in that aren't Bikram Yoga.

There's possibility. I haven't even delved into half of it! It's only been like 3 days. I think I joined on Tuesday. And because it was there, I ran a tiny bit after my circuits today (it was quick).
What else?

Something satisfying about having a new destination. A new place to call my "place."
And after seeing all the deadlift bar weight bar options in the gym, I'm really stoked to try doing deadlifts. So far I've done free weight stuff. I'll be giving deadlifts a chance sometime this weekend, I think.

See how my body likes it.
I am also getting a lot of yoga in this week. So far, it's been every day except for Tuesday - when I ran 5 miles. Granted... I was going to go to Yoga that day but felt lazy. So I went for a run instead.

ONwards... tonight I have plans to hit the hot room. :) Just trying to decide: 6:30PM or 8:30PM class?
I'll further determine that decision later tonight.
Also booked a room for the Sunday/Monday period, so that Jim and I can go on a mini trip to the Hoh Rainforest, in the Lake Quinault Lodge.
Hoping to get a nice chance to break out of monotony.

We haven't been on any mini trips in a while or stayed anywhere fun. I look forward to it :)
They had a "Four Legged Friends" Special running on some of the rooms, which makes it free to drag the boys/dogs along.

For one - Rufus is almost like not having a real dog at this point. He mostly just lays around in his elderhood now. Next Friday, the 19th - is officially his 14th birthday. *siiiighs

14 years of my life we have spent together. That is a long time and longer than many friendships with humans last. Again - I feel so very blessed and treasure him greatly. We'll see where the end of the road for us lies and how it unfolds.

BUt yeah! Free dogs and we get a "water bowl" to remember the resort by. Awesome.

In less cheerful news...
My co worker's wife died of stomach cancer a couple of weeks ago - and there is a memorial for her on Saturday. I'd like to go. Although me and David aren't exactly pals, I extend my heartfelt sympathies for him. She was 51. And I had met her a few times, and really genuinely thought she was a sweet lady.

And life goes on.

ANywho. Gonna get my stuff together and leave! Excited to have an excuse to chillax with Jimmers, excited for my new gym membership. Excited for a mini-break from the orface.

-Angela
angelak: (Goddess)
Boy oh boy. It's been a busy day. I've been catching up on some work and getting a lot done. That's a bonus. I want to make Friday a bit low key ;) It might become my new policy to make Thursday extreme push day. I work better that way.

I've been putting some great effort also on my lunches to maybe skip the "formal" work outs and have been walking Fritzel. He isn't fat yet, but I see his body fat getting a little higher ;) More walks - his brain will be happier too.

What else? Last night Yoga was nutso. Been struggling to get back in my groove!!! Holy smokes, I could not get my heart rate down. All class long, my heart was pounding out of my chest. Goody. Making the heat in the room seem actually hot for once. I'm sorry - did I say that? Usually I love the heat. Yesterday, I was not so in the lovey dovey mood with the heat.

However, I had pre-prepped a faux sausage, mushroom, red pepper, and other veggie pizza and had it all set to go in the oven for after class. Had Jimmers preheat the oven halfway home - and I came home, threw my pizza in the oven (personal sized) and took a shower.

Jumped out of the shower and ran downstairs to a fresh, delicious pizza. Wholesome and tasty!
Tonight I must go back to Yoga and have a better class :P Or else.
Been doing many walks this week, where as last week I did a bunch of runs. That works. Like Monday when I took a 2 hour walk in the early afternoon - and then had another hour walk or so, with Jim and Fritz around midnight. Yes. I'm weird.

That was pleasant. Me and Jimmers visited and I really enjoyed it.
Other than that - lots of Yoga, and I need to hit those circuits. They are way too good for me to not do! But I am totally okay with whatever I do end up workin' on. I've only got so much time and energy, after all.

Just happy to be contenting my little tiny Dachshund. He is so well loved and spoiled.
:)
Jim spoils him twice as much as I do. <3

-Angela
angelak: (Rufus Swimming)
To check out just how spoiled my dog is...
Go here to see his birthday fun :P
http://www.flickr.com/photos/24197129@N08/sets/72157615707906426/detail/

-Angela
angelak: (AngelaRufus CannonBeach)
Rufus is 13 today!!!
I am so glad he has survived so long. He is very old - doesn't do stairs so well these days. We spend our days carrying him up and sometimes down all of our stairs.

But he has been the friend who has been there for me for so long.
I value every day that we spend together. I got him as a puppy when he was 6 weeks old, and I was roughly 12. I am lucky to have had such a great pet and friend, and he is lucky to have a great home with a single loving owner for his life.

Pictures of my precious friend under the cut. )

I love this dog!!!!

-Angela

My dogs

Feb. 23rd, 2009 12:09 pm
angelak: (2 Dogs)
One on the lap.
One at the feet.
Sure do make it hard to get about...move around and such...

-Angela

Fritz

Feb. 20th, 2009 11:43 pm
angelak: (Angela Fritz Puppy Snuggly)
I love this dog. He is being a complete snuggle bunny. No idea when he became such a mellow and useful little dude.

-Angela
angelak: (Sad)
It would seem I hit a mental wall about 10 days ago.
And then I began thinking my healing was doing much better.
And tonight I had a minor depressive episode.
Well shit. This is confusing.
The last fortnight has been a bit of an emotional tossup.
Trying hard not to let it all go to shit.
Finding it a struggle to stay happy.

Shoot, shoot.
My Yoga practice has been strange.
Okay, I can accept that.
I didn't go tonight - I slept through it.
Jim's observation is that whenever I sleep TOO much, my body is more likely to go into the depressive state. He says it's like it gets angry that I slept TOO much.
I've never heard of anything like this. I think my depression and sleep and diet are all related. (Okay, duh). But I am not too sure that the sleep is just a bi-product of feeling really lousy.
Let's face it - when you're really bummed, it's easier to escape through sleep.

Today I felt like I was avoiding class because it has been such a misery for me. Instead of the usual (mostly) joy. What the fuck?
Reading my last 10-days entries has me thinking my brain and heart are all over the board.
Shit, shit, shit.

Must stay patient. Jim thinks the Yoga has done nothing but good for me, I tend to agree.
We have had our most stable months in our relationship during the Yoga-months. Really.
We've been happiest and most harmonious. I'm not a fool to think it isn't related. It is. And of the two of us, I'm the trouble-maker in the relationship. You know - the moody one.

He is slightly more flexible than me sometimes. But I come close.
Regardless. Instead of being pissy, I've been able to stay calm and collected even when he irritates me. Bonus.

Now if I can only keep myself from skipping classes. Granted, maybe it's okay to take it easy this week. My head and heart are all over the board, after all. It's harder work when life is throwing me all kinds of emo-sludge.

Nothing felt cope-able tonight.
Perhaps next week will show me a little more kindness.
Jim's observation is that the emotional side of this knee trauma is far worse on me than the actual pain. He is often times correct.
The more time I spend with Jim as an integral part of my daily life, the more I find he is just what I need.

On a less angsty note; he is positive, intelligent, hilarious, adorable, kind-hearted, genuine, and at times sensual. Don't take this wrong, but of all of those things, I think sex is my lowest priority. It's not that it's not important to me. It's that sex is fleeting. And all the rest are things I need more frequently.

Sex is often superb, although occasionally I find him a tiny bit more vanilla than me. *shrugs* I'm okay with that - obviously.

The things that are more important:
He makes me laugh all the time.
And being around someone who smiles so much is really refreshing for the soul.

So, while I'm sad right now - I also realize the bounty of my fortune in life.
I have a home that I've worked hard for and love. It's our own. We've made it our own. I accept that clothes on the floor in the bedroom is not the end of the world.

I have 2 dogs that adore me and 1 waiting to become a love-source like the others.
They annoy me to no end, and yet they're so rewarding and know just when I'm at my lowest.
And then they decide to treat me accordingly, by acting as adorable as they know how.

I own a car that I really like.

More than that - I have a really solid family, and friends out there who would probably be there for me more if they knew how, or I made that more possible.

We both have jobs.
We both make enough money to make ends meet and have enough.
Our partnership is laden with straight forward, no-games or passive aggressive communication.
I love that he is a communicator. I love that Jim feels happiest dealing with problems immediately. It is he who makes me realize how long I hold onto crap sometimes before I let loose with it.

I am thankful his perspective on life is so real and so positive.
"Every day someone isn't shooting at me is a good day."
Who can argue with that?
And, once a soldier, always a soldier.

I am thankful that although I may be up 5lbs or so, I haven't gained back the weight I lost in 2007. This IS a feat, considering my 2008 situation.
Right now I appreciate my small waist, and try and ignore my hippy-ness. (As in hips).

I accept that for the most part, I'm not so bad looking. I clean up okay ;)
I am also thankful I changed my lifestyle in 2007.
I will try to remember these things as the knees scream at my soul.
They are not all consuming giant knees of doom.
They shouldn't take over my whole heart.

I am also thankful for my dishwasher. I lived years without one. I love dishwashers. I love not hand washing my dishes. I love how clean and shiny my dishes get in a dishwasher, when by hand I could never get them to be this way.

I love my silent, but present supporters.
And I appreciate my community and everything they've added to my life.
Yes, you pagans.
I adore you all.

Now, I'm really going to let go of this fear and go to Yoga class tomorrow with no judgments on myself. No judgments, no expectations. That will be my mantra. No worries that I skipped class THREE times now in one week. Wow, that is definitely a new record. So what, though.

I will be there in class tomorrow. Ready or not.
One thing I do not take for granted today, is my connection to the kindest man I've known.

-Angela
angelak: (Angela Fritz Puppy Snuggly)
Today, it's Fritz' 5th birthday!
Happy Birthday to my little doggie!

Me and Fritz 5 years ago plus a few weeks. )

The dog is no less obsessed with me. But now he has Jimmy and he adores Jim so very much.

:D He sure has turned into a great dog.

-Angela
angelak: (Female Runner)
The juicy post. )

And for those interested in my temple space, this is my photo stream with some images of the work in progress:
http://www.flickr.com/photos/24197129@N08/

I am planning on sheers only for the windows, like the not-solid ones on the right side of the window. I have 2 more panels coming in the mail early next week. And that is my new curlup chair for reading for just ritual purposes or whatever.

-Angela
angelak: (Break my heart)
It's been a pretty eventful morning.

Some history for the live journal. )

-Angela

My boys

Dec. 28th, 2006 04:34 pm
angelak: (AngelaRufus CannonBeach)
My boys are so lovable.
Huggable. :D

-Angela

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