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angelak: (Default)
Hello, Again Real World (IE, NOT FACEBOOKERS).
It’s time to talk more about things that don’t relate to work; but are much more possible because my work situation isn’t draining me. So here goes:
After being on starve diet since RadCon (we have done it annually for 3 years, I guess). And have decided that next Radcon we’re NOT doing it! But I digress.

I’m ready to get back to fitness. I was on a really great running with a small amount of yoga trend in January, but had to back off because it isn’t possible to work out on the HCG diet. It’s not.
I’ve not quite locked in a final number for the HCG diet; but at the very least I think I expedited my overall size shifting to closer to where I’m trying to be. It’s an ongoing journey for me and very much one of my major goals all the time.

A couple of years ago I wanted to go for a 10K distance in my personal goals, but after a couple of months in, almost broke up with Jim and then it stopped. It was like, that one day I didn’t get to go on that run, I stopped. I didn’t keep going.

And I didn’t really look back unfortunately. And then the job turbulence sort of started; so I was sunk on that. I did some yoga here and there and managed to stay somewhat fit; but it wasn’t my 10K benchmark. I have decided it is TIME TO GO AFTER IT! Yesssss.
I’m 12 weeks away and I am going to do it. As I said, in January I had a great consistent gym situation. I have morton’s neuroma from the last quarter in 2015 that has been healing on my left foot predominantly, but fortunately I am healed enough as of January this year to get back into running, provided one specific thing:
It’s on a treadmill and not outside. Now, that normally would upset me. But lately I’m ok with that!
It will do AMAZING for this plan I’ve found. VERY excited. I actually start it today. 3 days a week (DOABLE! Leaves room for 2 other things on my list – YOGA, and a hopefully an adult hip hop class, on top of Ignition practice.)
So you see, I’ve got some off work goals!!!!

Today starts week 1 of the 10K program. I figure it’s ok to start slower than I need because I have a terrible habit of going too much too hard too fast too soon on any of these things. My brain is FAR too committed and goes more than my body would prefer. Thanks, Type A attitude! UGH.
SO, I’ve decided while the slower approach is less than I was doing in January, it’s going to be perfect to self limit my body and keep me working up to it in a safe fashion. Way to be mature, Angela! Woohoo!

It’s also good for my foot healing. So I understand. ALSO, patience is a virtue. I’d love to just ease in and not force shit. I know it’s the Way. The Way to success!!! Yessss!

SO, Today is day 1 of week 1. VERY HAPPY.
The overall plan is going to look like this weekly (with adjustments depending on life, rescheduling, rather than bailing).

Sunday: Long Runs
Monday: Yoga after work
Tuesday: Hip Hop class (once I get registered! To be continued…)
Wednesday: Regular Run
Thursday: Ignition practice
Friday: Regular Run or off
Saturday: Regular Run of off

I’m a member of 24 hour fitness, and wonder if I should switch to Gold’s because there is one in my office building and also gyms in Issaquah and Redmond, but I haven’t made that jump. It’d be way easy to do lunchtime runs any day of the week including those that there are other things happening on. Unfortunately I’m not a morning person, I’ve done it off and on over the years with limited success. I can do it, but I usually just love sleeping. It’s true. I’m a sleeper.

As for hip hop classes: Ignition has been going through some crazy times as of late. I’ll elaborate eventually, needless to say I’m not on the “bailing towel thrown” camp, since there are 2 camps right now. We had a successful, energizing, focused practice last week without the folks who have “stepped down, kinda”

More on that in future posts. That said, I’m looking to level up on performing and dancing. So what can I do? Take a class. We’ll see. Jim is interested!!! That’s amazing. And Sean is likely interested also. So we’ll see. I’d like it because it would afford me and Jim something to DO together that isn’t at home and also level up our time spent together, as it is – the way our schedules have been have been have meant a lot less than other times in our life. It was OK when he was head deep in college, but I think now that he’s done with that program, he’s sort of seeing a gap in his life and noticing it more. It is possible he’s interested in joining the safety team for Ignition, we’ll see. I’m encouraging him to get out and be focused on something other than video games (and working on his work with video games) and such. He had a bad run of a new girlfriend who sorta crushed him recently and he realizes maybe there’s some other place to put his energy. I’d love to see that.
Aside from that, there’s a little snippet of the “other” stuff!

angelak: (MakeMeStrong)
The Good Stuff!!! )

More real posts soon!!! I promise. I know these are of no interest to most of you :P
angelak: (AngelaNov09)

Focus for 2012
(I don't exactly do resolutions, per se, but I do have focuses.)

Serve my communities – focal point = Service

Yoga/OTO/Pagan communities, serve them (How? Be present. Give whenever possible in time/service.)

Leave Self doubt behind

Serve in the Mass team beyond the child role:
(First Deacon, then Priestess - eventually, in the future...)

Replace carpets downstairs in 874

Create a tidy home that is nearly always acceptable for impromptu guests

Become a strong and valued Bikram Yoga Teacher

Develop my Yoga Teaching

Digest and Teach verbatim Bikram Dialogue

Improve physical and emotional bodies

Reach the low 140lbs range solid

Lean out body the rest of the way

Shrink the hips/upper thighs

Return to Teacher Training as a mentor (not a DE-mentor).

Travel to see teacher training friends and take their classes!

Maintain a strong Yoga practice

Maintain a moderate running and circuit training schedule

Continually build strong relationships with my sweeties

Stay close with Jim

More personal focus from self to community service

Rite of Sol Involvement

Search for a late 90's Mitsubishi Eclipse for personal material items list
angelak: (The Past)
Awake a bit early, this morning. But a lot has been on my mind, and I felt like it was too early when Jim and I went to bed last night. (He was super tired, I was super enegetic from my 6:30 class last night). Last night I had a surprisingly strong class. I hadn't been in to the studio in more days than I preferred - so much going on outside of my yoga-sphere this September, which is frankly an unusual occurrence other than work and running. I've been awfully social in my life - but the past couple years that seemed to be a little less true. Until late August and early September! BAM, social life exploded. This isn't a bad thing. I thrive when I am social.

So, this super strong class was a shocker. I was also like, "yikes. Is this so that I can go to training with confidence, or is this so I can suddenly get there and have used up all my awesome for my teacher's at home, so I can crash in training?" ;) Well, I'll crash in training no matter what. That's not a question of if, but when. So that's good. Fail your way to success. Everyone fucks up there sooner or later, it's not designed for perfection. It's designed to make you bullet proof, not perfect.

Also was looking at the new Bikram Yoga Burien photos and checked out the website. It reminds me a lot of Annette's first studio on Burnett. There's a special place in my heart for that old studio... her new one is beautiful and large and 100 other things, but that small, cozy first studio was where it all began for me. And Burien's studio reminds me a lot of it. I also checked out the schedule; nice lookin' schedule! I let Nina (the owner) know that I loved it and that the schedule rocked. Excitingly, she mentioned that after I get back from TT, I should come out and show them what I got ;) Very exciting. I would LOVE to teach there too. Bless Nina for already wanting to give me a chance!

So 2 studios lined up for possible classes... that's not too shabby considering the initial plan is part time. I was concerned with getting classes, but I think it will be just fine. I do know I want to be able to practice and really work at this teaching bit once I get home. Use it or lose it. Especially with that sort of thing......

The weekend was pretty amazing. Lianna's birthday on Friday - Jim went away to his HS reunion... and other very pleasant things. ;) I did get an opportunity to run on Saturday when I probably should have been in the studio. But I admit the running is important to me still.
On my run I had, as usual - my best thinking moments. I decompress so much this way. I really began thinking, based off of a couple conversations on Friday night - about how I got to be where I am at. About my knee injuries, my intense depression for a period of time, and how I got through all of that - and how I got to be standing right here, right now. Maybe this is a bit heavy, but I am only grateful that in my darkest moments, I prevailed over the darkness so that I would come out on the other side. I didn't think I could be in a place of joy like I am now.

It makes me think very hard and long about the thousand tears and moments that I truly, seriously was vulnerable to being awful to myself. The edge of my mortality at times was very real. I say this and am not proud, but not ashamed either. This is part of the reason I'm on this path. If there is one person I can teach and that turns their life around... then anything, ANYTHING I go through in the next 10 weeks is worth it.
I fully believe I may not have taken the exit off the depression freeway if it weren't for this yoga.

I also know I would never, ever have tried it if I wasn't desperate like I was in December 2008 - to stop the constant day in, day out - 24/7 knee pain. To be 24 and in constant pain is a real eye opener as to what life can be like. I was running and thinking about all of this... About how it broke my heart in a thousand ways because I'd built myself up to be an athlete that I did not know existed - and been for the first time in my life 100% body confident.
The knee situation seemed to rob me of all that confidence and more. It had felt all-consuming, and I had never been in the places that I headed emotionally on top of all that physical stuff. There was a lot going on that created turmoil for me. And yet... without all of that, my levels of compassion wouldn't be what they are today - and I would certainly not be getting ready to head off on this wild journey for Bikram teacher training. The yoga showed up right after we moved to our townhouse. A pivotal time in my life, I was sick of trying to run, sick of the physical therapy that I had spent 3 months in and not gotten very far with my knee pain. When the yahoos at my first therapist's office released me telling me that "unfortunately we cannot see all of our patients through pain resolution..." I was pretty upset. I spent a lot of time and effort on this PT stuff. And here it felt it did not pay off.

So, Sammantha Gribble was reading on this very blog late November 08, and she commented suggesting a Bikram class. Desperation. Depression. Having been hair-raisingly close to taking my own life in spite of having EVERYTHING beautiful around me: I decided to try out this "yoga." I thought yoga was for pussies. I was a hardcore runner and I lifted weights - if I'd been healthy and you asked me to try out a yoga class, I'm quite sure I would have wrinkled my nose, laughed, and said, "you gotta be kidding!"
But Sammantha suggested working with a Bikram teacher, and something about the way she said it made me go research (shocking, my favorite hobby). And then I signed up for the one week unlimited pass in Renton due to their great schedule and my 10 hour workdays. BAM. I took 6 of the 7 classes in the first week, and only because I got a little sick on day 5 and accidentally slept through the class time.

I took 12 of the first 14 days that I practiced. I committed, after reading up on it - to 90 days solid effort for the sake of my knees. It wasn't about thinking Bikram was "awesome," but I admit I fell in love fast. I approached the yoga with uttermost curiosity. I became a little obsessed with, "what my next day" would look like as soon as I finished my classes for the day. My practice would then turn into a 5-7 day a week practice for almost 2 years. Within 1 week, my pain decreased by maybe half. This was a huge deal to me, after seeing little progress for like 6-7 months.

Needless to say, it was me thinking back on how if I had never been injured, I would have tested for police academy, and gotten successful numbers for sure. No doubt. I was strong as hell, and fast, and pretty amazing. I really did not know this at the time though, and failed to listen to my very awesome boyfriend too. The number of pushups I had in my back pocket... the pace of my sprints........ lordy. My nearly 6 pack... you get the picture.
But if I had continued on that path, I would not be here. The idea is very, very interesting to ponder on. I am finally starting to see that I am no less awesome than I was in late 07/early 08, in spite of having a slightly different body in many ways. Could it be that it's OK not to be quite as lean as I was? It is entirely OK>.

If we're talking strictly health - the yoga covers a lot more than just weight lifting and running could. And we're talking mental health included. Although I was in love with myself in early 2008 so that felt like less of an issue. I loved being that strong and fast and tiny. No one ever described me as tiny before in my life until that juncture - people like my awesome siblings suggested I play Rugby because I was so sturdy. Thanks guys. ;)
Digression: The path found itself to me, and it's all happening in a way that could not feel more right. And if I can open up and heal someone's life whether that is physically or mentally through this teaching - that is what I am honestly after. That is why I want to do this. I don't like the health-care field. It's made me very angry in the past. (You won't like me when I'm angry......)

I've wanted to scream and shout and throw things at doctors for not giving me any great accuracy. "Oh this will go away in a few weeks." then, "oh this will go away in a few months." then, "Oh hmm... interesting. Here's PT." INTEreSTING? We're talking about my BODY you asshole!!!!


I have to go back here and say that take 2 of physical therapy was VERY successful. And they got me back running with ease. (Thank you Balance Physical Therapy, Tiann Jefferies.) If there was a woman I could also shower gratitude on, it would be this therapist. She brought back my hope alongside the yoga.

Now I'm under the one week mark for Los Angeles. Very, very exciting. I am just profoundly grateful for being able to do this. I can't get over how amazing it is, how lucky I am, how in spite of the absurd amounts of cash I've been spending on this ... it's fell into place. (Gods, I just hope I can re-stockpile my savings again, because this drained my years old savings buffer).

Whatever, I can make more money.

Back to the gratitude part; this is something that I carry with me every day, possibly more times than I can count lately. Also hoping my friends and family aren't sick of me talking about it yet!!!! I'm just ignited with the fact my life is shifting. I WANTED IT TO SHIFT so badly since 2007. We're talking about a good solid 4 years of what often felt like a "holding pattern," sort of situation for me. No movement and all of my effort to find movement for 4 years. It was not the right time. You cannot force the right time to happen - you must Flow. I say this because I often let myself slam my head into proverbial walls on this one. IF I SLAM MY HEAD AGAINST THESE WALLS, I WILL SEE RESULTS!!! Might have been my theme for 2009 and 2010.
2011: I let go of it all. I actually entered this year frustrated because I got Plantar Fasccitis from healing my knees. What?! You say... well, I ran too fast, too far, too soon (too many hills also). *blush* Me and the hills make love sometimes. Maybe a bit too much. Can you make love too much? Well, not with people - but with hills and running coming off of a previous injury = yes.

But, because my faith was restored in my body at least, I did not get upset about the injury. Healing my knees went a long way towards my body confidence in healing (but not my body image, that was a hit that I am still recovering from).

All in all, if I have a few battles with myself realizing that "HEY YOU'RE FINE AND STRONG AND FINE AND STFU" - this is nothing compared to full blown suicidal depression. I can handle a bit of body dysmorphicness. And if I was able to work through the other stuff, it's no doubt just a matter of time before the rest falls into place too.

I'm entirely forthright in my weaknesses and scary mental issues because I think it's important for people to know that it can happen to ANYONE, for a myriad of different reasons.
And because it definitely is a driving force for my personal contribution to humanity.
So - without all that awfulness, I wouldn't be where I am today. Period. Some things really do have reasons that we cannot see in the moment always. And next week, I will try and let go and trust in the process as much as possible - knowing that each challenge and struggle may have reasons that I cannot understand while sitting in the middle of the maze. Only when I am through the maze will it make sense, but that often times means taking many wrong turns first.
So this - my friends, is my reflection for the one week mark. 6 days if you want to get technical, friends. Oh, My. Gods.

While hanging out with one of the two Jon's I saw this weekend ... I actually was so excited I wanted to scream and jump around like crazy. But that might also have been other excitement that impacted that... who knows. Oh yeah - I saw a couple of Jon friends this weekend too. Including old Jon from way back. All you close friends know who old Jon from way back is... Anyway.

OH yeah. Also, I cleaned out my old Den space in 874. It is now been re-purposed for my temple space/laundry sorting area. It was pretty screwed up before this weekend, and it was the last room in our house that was actually out of sorts. The cobalt room here needs tidied, but it is still amazing compared to the "how do I walk through Jim's room" way it was early this year and pretty much ever since I said "I won't tell you what to do with this room at all." (His messiness took over and before I knew it - I was teetering through the room trying to find a way to put my feet on open space on the floor.) This was the year I took this room over and we transformed it together. Then I swapped where our guest room was and put it in my old Temple/Library. And this weekend I took the old Den space and cleared the floor, did a LOT of laundry, some moving of stuff in there, and now it is good enough (not perfect) but good enough and has an open feel with my old pretty temple rug in the middle of it. And a place to organize my laundry. Which is important... now our top floor just has laundry issues, but this isn't exactly a public floor. And I know I will only have time to spiff up the Cobalt room and probably not the bedroom at this point... considering most of the bedroom hell is spawned by my honey. Bless his heart - he just has tidiness issues. Particularly laundry issues. We're workin' on it ;) he has made small improvements over the year and we'll continue to work on these...

Cheerio. I'll try and update more this week just to record what THE HELL is going on in my head before this !!!!

angelak: (Default)
I had some stuff I thought I was going to write, and then I forgot. So I will just have to write something else.

This weekend has been pretty awesome. Yesterday I hung out with my parents after chilling with Jim in the morning. When I got home at like midnight, him and Dave were just cracking open some beers and hanging out. I had a beer or two, we talked for a couple hours, then we told Dave he should really crash in our guest room rather than drive home to Sultan.

He stayed, we hung out more in the morning, then we went to breakfast. Talked for hours, then he went on his merry way. Jim and I spent the day chillaxin. I bought some items to make more yoga mat sanitizer. I am slowly preparing for what is going to be an awesome opener to May. I feel like May might be my "crack down on my habits" month.

Other than my sister's birthday, and a wedding that I am the photographer for (my cousin) my main priority for the month of May is diet and Yoga. I really want to get some uber flexibility in my lower body back, as for a few months I have been targeting cardio which is more like repetitive tightening motions, rather than loosening up. I also am fantasizing about a mini big-picture plan:

May, Yoga month. June, ramp up on running with a side of the elliptical so that I can get the most for my training with the least amount of injury risk - keeping yoga in the rotation to keep some of the 30-day benefits, but not spending my life or my summer in the hot room. Nope. It's time to reclaim my runner identity after my next yoga-thon. Maybe even create a little bit of a training plan instead of free-balling, as I feel I've been doing for a few months. While it's been nice to have the freedom, it's almost too much of a pain in the ass not to have a plan set in motion so I don't have to make On The Spot daily decisions about what it is I am going to do. I will maybe start working on my June plans now. Also have plans to do mini runs for May, either inside or outside - targeting a couple of things, mostly to keep some of my cardio stamina alive - and to keep my tendons and ligaments prepared for what lies after my yogathon. Which is: More dedicated running.

So, I will be keeping it modest with a 1-2 miler a couple of times a week, just to keep shit real. Nothing long because I don't want to wear my body out or burn out my adrenals/thyroid balance.
That and Jim will totally want to go if they are short jaunts like that.

angelak: (Girl needs a boy)
It’s a good day for an LJ post. What contrasting weekends, this weekend and last! Last weekend I was peppered with Seattle-events, my sweet and dear new friend from Australia, (we’ve only known each other since CGW5) but none the less.
This weekend was special in 2 ways already. I hadn’t seen Mom in a couple of weeks, which was feeling weird this time around because we’d seen TONS of each other for a couple of weeks prior (particularly with Amber being a puppy and Classy the car needing trips to the mechanic.) AND, Amanda got married.

Long Updating. )

angelak: (Thoughtful Angela)
Zumba. After my run at the gym this evening, because I decided to go back to sleep after all that babbling online... I saw the Zumba class was just starting. I thought, "hm. I've always wondered." Let me tell you, folks. If you wanted to laugh, I mean - really hard, you should have seen me, post run, in my running gear, trying (TRYING) out a Zumba class. Oh, my.

I felt bad for the people around me because of my perfume: Post runner's perfume. You know, Stench. But I have to say, that wasn't that strong. I have to say, my performance on the floor was pretty hilarious. But if you can't laugh at yourself doing authority experiments, and trying new things, then what CAN you laugh at? I mean really.

This was the experience I probably will not forget. I have an online friend in a weight loss forum I am a part of (she is from Malta) and she LOVES, loves, loves - Zumba. So I thought, "this one is for Bella." Well, Bella - if you could only have seen me.

I am not sure if this is my first and last class or not. But I have to hand it to myself, "GOOD JOB, Angela, for not walking out the door at the 30 minute mark." How do people MOVE that way? I suddenly wished I had Matt there to help me figure out how to work these hips. He is a master. I also couldn't help but imagine that Russian Anna would have been a dancing queen. Her and I are a lot alike in deeper personality ways, but yeeesh, I can see her rockin' the Zumba floor... while I was being mopped up on the Zumba floor. Not because I am not fit enough - no, more because I'm just not a rockstar dancer. But let's face it. I can't be princess awesome at everything, jeah? ;)

And I suppose since I have limited "dance" experience, that I didn't do half bad.
It was at least better than curling up in bed... it had to have expended SOME energy. Also didn't help that dancing isn't so great in running shoes, and that my orthodics were feeling funky, and that my blister started screaming at me. But you know, Ангелkа is not deterred by these things. I put my all into everything, even when I'm totally bombing it. And I have to say, I'm glad I have a chiropractic appointment tomorrow.

So there you have it folks. Ангелka, and Zumba.

angelak: (AngelaSide08)
So far, so good! I've been keeping a very close log on what I'm eating and balancing it out. I might be good to go with a balanced vegetarian/flexitarian diet - as that's what I've been toying with, coupled with some iodine and other trace minerals. After my Russian class today, I am going to go chillax with [livejournal.com profile] violindaine, because it's literally like 5 minutes from her house. Every time I've left class since I began it in January, I think "Wow, I'm so close to Icky's house..." Warning, Girlfriend, (you're the best though, because I know you'll get this) my brain is usually toast by the end of my 2 hour class. It isn't used to all this intense use anymore. :P

Anyways - sadly, this has been a pretty bad study week. Mostly because a lot of the week I was crashing too early in the evening and usually my best study times are at the gym on the elliptical trainer. This week I didn't even create good study guides! So last night I finally got to it, hopefully my brief session last night and another session today will do the trick enough to get me through class tonight; and I REALLY hope she gives us another week to cement the stuff she gave us last Sunday.

She DID give us a lot: Large Numbers (10, 20, 30, on up to 10,000) and months, and weather, and plural/singulars, and numericals (first, second, third, so on). THAT is a lot of material. Oh yeah, and some tongue twisters, which the entire week I *was* working on. Yeay.

Other than that, today I will be going for a run in the sunshine as soon as I finish this entry, brush my teeth, and use my neti pot.

I was happy to hear from Lance from CGW1 last night. He called me to inform me he's given his notice at his job and IS headed WEST baby. (From Boston). Portland will be his new home in just a matter of weeks. Profound and wonderful. I admire people who make these moves, because up until this point in my life, I haven't made any major plunges like this.

So, back to the energy factor... I do feel a slight difference already. I went on a long, relaxed walk yesterday for my "workout" also, instead of something harder. I took Fritz, and he hated it because I refused to turn around after 20 minutes, which is his preferred walk time :P Today I will keep it to a minimum pace and run to see how it goes. It is likely for now, I'll be alternating what it is I do.

I would also not mind taking my notes with me to the gym if I have time, after my run and walking on the treadmill for a brief amount of time so I can study the Rooski-ye.

I think a big key for me is going to be making sure I get enough calories, and doing the meal timing first thing in the morning (within an hour of working). It might be that I am generating some issues by not balancing my system - and it also might be that I am especially vulnerable on account of genetics. Who knows, it's not really my concern why or much else beyond "what's going to make me feel great and support me?"

And I have to admit, while I love raw foods... I'm also enjoying this whole foods approach with cooked meals again. No denial there :)
So right now, I'm using My Fitness Pal.com, which I found by searching for a calorie counting application for my phone. I stumbled upon it and realized, Holy Shit, this is a tool-rich, free website with all I need too!

As far as Sunday, Today is a Great Vos-Cre-Seen-Ya (Sunday) because........
Tomorrow is a furlough day for me! Oh yeah, I also have to go to GameStop and get my Valentine's day gift for Jimmers. He doesn't know it yet, but I have plans. He doesn't have tomorrow off, but that is okay. He has already apparently gotten me a gift, and one that made him want to check his bank account balance :P That's unlike him........ whatever! I don't need gifts, right now all I need is Jim. He's been amazing these past 3 weeks. Pretty much ever since I got back from LA and Santa Barbara, our relationship has shifted to another gear. I'm not sure why, how, or what - but I don't care. It's like we've reached a deeper level again. It's making me more excited than I can express. I'm grateful, I don't take a minute for granted these days.

And it makes me feel over the moon in a way, because I know that come April, we'll celebrate 5 years, which is breaking my records (while I know love isn't about breaking records, I'm a Virgo, so in a way - it is). LOL.

I haven't celebrated 5 years with anyone, and at the end of 2010 I was beginning to dread the fact I was going to hit that 4.5 mark and fall away. Again. Like my last relationship that hit the 4.5 mark ;)

It was not a good feeling.

But now I think it's apparent that we've progressed to a different phase in our partnership, and I foresee some pretty cool stuff ahead for us. I'm excited again to see where we're headed, and for that I'm incredibly grateful. And so this year, we're not going to do our usual Same-Old Melting Pot trip. I think we should aspire to do something else... something new and special!

So, here's to another couple of months before I figure out (because he HAD said last year he had an idea, and then he promptly forgot, which I knew he would when he came up with it, but he didn't want to tell me so it would be a surprise). :P So therefore, I'm not sure what idea he had, because yeah - he kept it to himself for surprise factor, and very Jim-like, he forgot ;)

Anyway. If I don't wrap this up, I will never get to brush my teeth, run water through my nose, and run. :P Don't forget the floss. For the teeth.

angelak: (Angela Pose)
Mystery solved. I think I had been too low on calories this morning, and thus I was not generating as much as heat as per caloric energy saving measures for my body. As soon as I ate some substance = freezing issue turned into body heat regularity.

Very happy about that. So now if I feel too cold like that too long, I'm going to take a stab in the dark it has to do with calorie needs. As in, I need some right then! Sweet. Good to have that solved.
Also bought some new shoes, as I was sick of my old, not so sexy shoes I bought during the last phase of my knee injury rehabbing. Found some cool Sketchers that actually seem to compliment pain alleviation for my plantar fascitis - what little of it that is left. Exciting! So, they're super cute AND they actually seem to be more supportive than my old shoes. Perhaps it was time that I replaced them, and this could ALSO help me finish rehabbing lower body problem take 2.

Also, happily soaked my feet in an epsom salt foot bath while reading a mystery novel. Maybe I'm not at the meat-sack club with meat-sacks dancing dirty. But it feels like a pretty mellow night. Jim should be showing up any time. Or something. Not entirely sure. Hoping to circuit train with him tonight. Looking for a run on Saturday. Rotating happily through the Yoga/CT/RUN/OFF loop.

Good news about my lower body!!! And after this, I'm so not injury prone. I'm beyond that. ;)

angelak: (Trapped)
Golly, I feel like the last segment of my life looks like this user icon.
I used to move with the flow of life and let it permeate my path, let it guide me, direct me, and was sort of taking things as they came along.

I feel that I resist a lot of shifts and changes now that I'm an adult, and that earlier in my life it was just a given to see life shift and flex and change. Now that I've been in the same position in my job, attached to the notion of numbers in my bank account, my identity in an organization... I'm frozen and paralyzed as to accept changes, shifts. My ideals are like mist in the center of a fog-cloud.

What do I want? What is it exactly that I am missing? I obsess over my body a lot more than I should. I obsess over what I have or don't have. I'm desperately seeking something to do with my energy.

Some changes I'll be making from here on out and have been implementing in the last week or two:

+ Less Yoga - I was using it as escapism. Actually, as of now I haven't gone at all in a couple of weeks.
+ Foot commuting to work when I can
+ Running, because I love it. Because my knees are improved. Because in spite of my weight, I'm still a stronger runner in a lot of ways than I was at my lowest size.
+ Switching from Four-Tens to Five-Eights at work

I don't know what else to do with myself, but I do need to seek ways to fill my life up.
Not a lot going on in my life. It's been that way for a long time. It causes me to focus all my energy on my body, on introspection, on everything that can actually backfire on me.

Placing too much value on size-shape, obsessive compulsive working out - anxiety surrounding change - depression regarding my feelings that feelings aren't acceptable to feel.

I've come a long ways. Yes, it's true!!!
With the onset of some strange physical changes in short order, I'm having to really confront some stuff. Like the fact that the physical changes are directly pointing to everything I've known for a long time: I've got a lot of emotional things that are lingering, that I'm carrying around. So what happens? The body represents that and it appears in tangible form.

And I really need to let my life change and to seek opportunities for passion. I've been racheting around with what my ideas are for this for months. Wow.

angelak: (Gleaming Mtn)
My posting momentum definitely shifted in April! As did my momentum with so many other things.
I played with some raw food for about 1 month. Did another 100% raw stretch. It gave good results, I even lost some weight for a minute. But then it came back on as a springboarded out of the raw foods into...

An unprepared post-detox strategy.
Sort of feeling off-kilter, for sure with this. So I am rebalancing with some other stuff. I feel pretty imbalanced in general. I have no idea where to go next with my life, even though I feel like for a few years I've been examining this very thing. Financially I'm doing just fine. That's par for the course. I'm typically fine in this area.

Looking to rebalance what my work outs are, but I find it hard once I add a #3 item to my work out list, that I get too overwhelmed. The problem is that I love and fond Yoga, but I always loved Running, and Circuit Training is important to me too. I struggle having all 3 being players of my life. I find that unlike my stretch between 2007-2008 pre-yoga, the focus drops off on my fitness goals when I have too many different things going on. For one, yoga can be done constantly and there is no limit to that. It also takes up way more time than any other fitness regimen of mine - which means it really does draw from teh rest of my "life."

I like the benefits I get from all 3. I like the benefits of Yoga, but at 3 hrs per night - it DOES take my entire night after work. I'm back to running and pretty much doing 90% of everything physically I could desire.

Standing in one place is no longer a horrid bear on my knees. I can wander around on uneven grounds, do things that used to be WILD. Like stuff that was out of my normal "safe" equation. A lot of folks didn't understand that just going out and trying something new was really hard on me. This is because.... wait for it.......... I was scared of reinjuring myself because I had done it soooo many times repeatedly in the course of 2 years.

Whelps, it has been 2 years since the initial injury.

I actually didn't even write a post about it this year :P It must be because I wasn't focused on it as much. My life is mostly normalizing. Except for the whole, "no direction career wise," and also challenges of figuring out what I want my work out plan to be. It's hard. I'm my own trainer and I'm good at it. But for the first time in years, I'm confused.

I am doing a 10k training plan at the moment that appears to be below my threshold (intentionally). This is fine. But in the midst of that, the Yoga has fallen off the wagon some. Well, shoot!! Right?
Who knows. All I know is that I do work out a minimum of 5 times a week.
Circuit training is one of my favorite activities ... the benefits of strength training are boundless like Yoga. How do I fit all 3 in? I try to get up earlier, but most times I just want my damn sleep. I personally think getting myself to work out once a day is a big enough thing that doing it twice in a day sort of drains me for my next week of work outs. Therefore, I'm at a stalemate.

Oh yeah. And we're coming up on 1 month without my sweet little Rufus around. We've adjusted. It's just not as cool as it was. He was awesome. He was my little emotional anchor. Now I've got flighty, very spoiled, very wonderful, and fantastic Fritz solely. He has adapted well to all of the extra attention in the wake of Ru's crossing over.

I have also been going to a new chiropractor. He is not only cracking my back (which has minor alignment issues thanks to a CRT monitor lifting situation when I was 19) - but also stripping my tendons of their scar tissue so that I can kneel easier on my knees directly without experience huge levels of annoyingness later. Speaking of which, I need to go find some shorts and head out to the appointment.

angelak: (I go Wild)
This feels like the longest class known to man, for me right now. It’s a 4 day class, and I am nigh on the mid morning of day 2. The class? Sharepoint for Devs.

I’m not a developer. IE, programmer/coder.
It has never been an area that I was strong at. I don’t have a lot of dev background. I have mostly networking background – hardware, setting up networks, definitely peripherals and computer services sort of stuff.

So this… this class is way, way above my level of… whatever it is.
Basically it’s like sitting through a calculus class when you should really be in Geometry class.

It makes me feel like this project is really in a different arena too. I don’t feel confident in my abilities to design, create architecture of a website for a whole organization, and also build it out, support it, teach it to people. This, still on my spare time next to end user support and other projects at work. It would be one thing if it WAS a regular website. But Sharepoint is a whole headache unto itself. It's asp crap, it's not some simple HTML concept. It's this whole slough of crap that is more complex than that.

It really is frustrating. I know I’m whining. I’ve been managing okay, but the problem is this class is highlighting that I don’t feel equipped skill base wise for this.
Ask me subnetting questions! Ask me network topology~! Ask me like 100 other things. But don’t ask me to write code.

Don’t do it.

And don’t make me design webpages.
The only single saving grace this could be for me, is to actually teach people this. If I could actually get a product launched that wasn’t a pile of crap, shit, splooge, … then I could run with the idea. I could learn it from an end user standpoint and pass that knowledge along 1,000 times over to everyone else. That’s what I’m good at.

I’m not the builder/thinker/create it in your head type.
I’m not a web architect if you will.
Everything in my power says _ SURE, I can create a site. But it’s going to be hodge-podged, unorganized as hell, and really just not as effective as if you had an entire TEAM working on it. Say – a Sharepoint team.

With some people with specific knowledge and education in more than 1 week spans on the subject. My frustration knows no bounds.

I was reading some posts I wrote in 2006. Guess what, I was beginning to mess with SP in 2006. And not ONCE did I ever work with it and not feel very frustrated with it. Just, wow.

So, I’ve been having ulcers over this same thing for 4 years, and what it amounts to is now – finally, we’re seeing movement on it. And it’s where my job is supposedly headed.
What do I do? I’ve tried to get across to my boss my levels of discomfort, but somehow it evades him.

Not being direct enough? Yikes.

Onwards: in other good news, I am drinking a delicious soy caramel macchiato, and did something very impulsive-ish last night. This girl Jim knows from work had invited him out to see a play with her and some other dude. Apparently this chica, after him asking her out to coffee – went around asking every single backroom overnight worker what kind of “guy” Jim was. Like a full on investigation. The women he’s been almost getting involved with are giving me headaches, to be honest. They’re weirdos. I don’t care if that’s rude to say, but he has approached a couple of women and they’ve turned out to be flakes. This girl doesn’t feel like she is any different.

I mean – I understand being in the game for personal safety. But you WORK with the guy. And shouldn’t you figure out sooner or later for yourself in a PUBLIC location, where you can leave at any time – what kind of guy he is? So weird. The last girl insisted she was interested in him, and then insisted that sexual advances, including kissing were out of the question, that she was “abstaining.” Well – yes, I get where this is something folks do from time to time, she would do this jerk-him around sort of business. He went on like 3 different dates and eventually she said she felt guilty and had some conversation with her ex bf and then he never heard from her again. This didn’t bother him. I particularly didn’t like that chick and I never met her. It was the stories he was telling me about her that were throwing off a bad vibe on that one. (Vanessa). This current girl is Amy. Overnight workers are making me ill in the first place. Are ANY of you overnight working women not out of whack?

So after Jim got several comments from dudes he knew and didn’t know that well on the overnight crew about this girl asking about him – she finally calls him last minute like yesterday (I found out right after yoga) to see some play in Seattle. Only she was bringing some other dude too. Jim didn’t know this dude. Also, he wasn’t particularly eager to go. Well, he called me and we talked about it. He sort of wanted to hang out with me, and we’ve been sorta BLAH lately, but I was like – in my head “there’s no way I’m going to get in the way of opportunities and a chance to go do something for him.”

He seems reluctant (I’m not sure why – is it me? Is it his feeling uncomfortable about how the girl approached all his pals and unpals alike at work?) No idea. He ends up deciding to go. I see him for 5 mins, and he goes out the door. Whoop Dee. I’m sort of wonky, but mellowed (thanks to Yoga!)

I sit on the computer for 20-30 minutes and then I think. Ah, hell. I’m going for a walk. But it’s cold. I should definitely put on the layers. Then I drive down to flat area… and decide, “no!” And having seen a “no enrollment” fee ad in the mail for the brand new, opened 3 weeks ago 24 hr fitness 3 minutes away from home, I head back home. I’m going to check out the gym. I know I have a yoga membership. I know CT at home and prefer running outside… but there are times after 2200hrs in the evening that I refuse to go outside but still would like to run. Wanted to buy a treadmill but not wanting to pay the $$ or store it. Wanted to buy a deadlift bar but saw they cost between $150-$200. Too much expenditure…..

Also fantasized about watching TV and just walking at the same time. So. I did it. I went to the gym on whim. I was bored, it was earlyish. Got a tour.

It has a pool, sauna, steam room, hot tub, b-ball court, regular machines for cardio, weight stuff, a bunch of deadlift bars, yada yada yada. TOWEL service (nice) and it generally looked awesome. It was packed, but I shrugged. Whatever. I signed up for the year membership opting to pay in a few payments, but getting a lower deal. Multi-gym pass, I’m paying like $33 a month. I figured that was a good enough deal. Less than cable. I don’t have cable at home. This is my chance to have it. JK.

I then went on to swim 30 minutes of laps, and went for a little 30 minute walk while watching some TV. Went home.

Found out Jim had come home and was calling me. Apparently Amy and some “older” dude were there in Seattle but the show had sold out. They had their tickets, and Jim couldn’t get tickets. He lied to them and said he was going to go grab some food in town (Seattle). That it was okay. Guess he said it was sort of lame. He was excited that at least if he couldn’t go to some play he wasn’t crazy about seeing with some girl who he would rather have had coffee with to talk to – that at least he could go home and spend his evening with me. And then I was gone for a few hours. Off spending dough on something that I don’t NEED… but I’m sure it will be worth it.

Anyways. About this Amy chick. Uhhh, okay. So far, so lousy.
His luck with women is pretty weird anyway. It was before me, and it continues to be weird. I think he attracts freaky chicks. Nevermind me.

Maybe that’s mean. I don’t care!
Sometimes polyamory is a headache. FYI.

Anyways. Now I have a gym.
And this 24 hr fitness is ACTUALLY open, 24 hours a day. This alone makes it way better than my old 24 hr fitness membership. Not all of them are actually open 24 hrs a day.

Happily membered. It’s just nice to have options.
Really wishing I could chat with Mom this week. But it just isn't feasible in this fantastic class...

angelak: (874)
Lunchtime today ... I wasn't sure if I had it in me for a run. But I did my new favorite "town loop."
Start around 56th Street, run down 56th to Gilman Blvd, down Gilman Blvd to Front Street - hang a left, and back to my car which is near 56th.

The last 2-3 weeks I've been making a nice 50 minutes of this regularly. Today I blew that away with a 45 minute clock in time. Wow - if I do say so myself. I was wondering why I was getting tired at the end aside from being at the edge of my calories for the day - and it might just be that I was high tailing it for the beginning of my run.

Needless to say, it felt awesome - but I think tonight I'ma take off from Yoga and reward myself with a lil chill time around 874.

Appreciate the wonders that I have use of (my home!)
March is gonna be my month - people. I'm here to make use of my time wisely.
Who knows whether that's a new pace, or I just had the right alignment to provide these legs with some speed. Also - could be the circuit training paying off. This is possible. :)

Regardless. Work is caught up. Next week I have Sharepoint training.
I know - not a terribly exciting post.
Yoga was super hot last night, it broke 111 degrees with 40% humidity. Woo. It was hard because I worked my body hard earlier in the day with my circuits and upping my weights.
And then after Yoga - since Grant's girlfriend wasn't there to sort of friend-block me, I chatted it up with him for an hour or two before I headed home for my shower and dinner. I got home and ate dinner at midnight.


:P But once Grant starts going on about Yoga or we start talkin about life - suddenly I look at the clock and it's been an hour or two! Yikes. It's 2200 when class ends to begin with on Tuesdays. I try and take the Tuesday 2030 class. Was just nice to visit with Grant, it's been a while since we just talked. Goof ball always has some tiny details to share with me about the poses. I enjoy it 111% :D

Way too clever. I hope to remember the things he told me DURING the series.
In fact, he may have had difficulty with memorization and really getting the series down pat... but there are so many areas where he blows me away and astonishes me with his detail oriented nature and insights. Really, he's a sharp dude. Everyone needs a friend, also - that will pass the time so quickly that you thought you blinked but it's hours later! Seriously. Everyone needs a pal like that.

angelak: (AngelaNov09)
Not sure what the deal is - but I am struggling to write some decent posts!!!!
It's Friday - I've had a good IM chat with violindaine (although the trip to see the judge and actively maintain my mentality made it sort of weird).

Looking forward to OLOTEAS next weekend - I hear it's going to be rather quiet.
This weekend I have another Self Defense Workshop happening - this time through the UW Experimental college.
Am building knowledge and skills - and would love to begin putting on workshops of my own soon for women about self defense tactics and mindsets.

We'll see how well I can do with building on my own knowledge base, taking my own personal experiences and those of people close to me - and using these things as a springboard to begin the process.

I'm anxious because we all tend to think we need to be experts in order to teach each other. This isn't so. We can always teach people when we are still learning ourselves. This is quite possibly the pathway to greater collective knowledge.
And for all intents and purposes.........

I would like to run on lunch hour in the sun. Now finding the drive to do this is my next step.
Work is work. Chugging along.
Evaluating my life plan here. It seems my current job is definitely an enabler for creating better things in my life and is certainly a great resource for mobility. That makes sense best to me - though.

I find in the last week or two, I've yo'yo'd back to where I was. I'm maintaining whatever my current figure is. That is ok. I've got a lot of time to work on my endless project of self. And I am pretty sure I will be happier if I get my ass out there for at least a gentle run. I've been light on yoga this week (only 2 classes) and done 2 runs this week. While circuit training is an option (takes less time) I might save that option for Saturday and hit the pavement today. I took yesterday off as the two consecutive runs made things a little "interesting." Hm.

Also felt like balance in life was important. *shrugs*!

I am wearing the new Tool shirt I ordered. While a slightly different cut of shirt than the original ones from Coachella, I am happy with it - I like it, and the size is correct. Sweet.

angelak: (AngelaNov09)
As January draws to a close, I can say I've had some progress in life. The first two weeks were memorable: mercury in retrograde - mars in retrograde. The New Year was particularly uneventful this year. First time since I've been an adult that I really had no plans.

I set up some goals and began working on them immediately. It had little to do with the New Year - but it coincided. Mercury went direct and things started to spin up quick. I took my self defense class and now have a set of skills I feel pretty comfortable with.

Last week sort of dragged out! lol. Still working hard. Notably, late last week I tested my knees by going for a walk straight out my doorstep; which is to say, a lot of slope. This was successful for me. That's notable. I've been really bad about chiropractic this month. Ever since the week of the 25th - in December, I've not stepped foot in my chiro's office. Although my back is feeling great, I'd like to get back in there. Tomorrow.

Last weekend I went to the Yoga party, which was fun.
I went out with Grandma and Mom, and then relaxed a lot with Jim on Sunday/Monday. I did a double yoga class on Monday which was good. I skipped Yoga Tuesday and went for a walk. Today I went for a 4.5 mile run on gravel. This was a test. I've stuck to pavement, gravel is a totally different thing for the knees. In case you were wondering. My knees feel a little differently sensitive - but the real test will be how it feels tomorrow after I rest for the evening. I also plan to hit the 1830 yoga class and then come home.

Jim has met a girl spontaneously. Met her at Denny's where his work crew hangs. He went to meet one of the guys, and another guy was there with his gf and gf's best friend (the girl Jim met, the best friend).

There might be a chance for a nice casual relationship in this. Here's to hoping! They are both interested and hit it off well - but neither of them have tons of time or inclination to be "serious," if you will.

We'll see where it goes :)
Looking forward to it.

In other news... just closing out some requests here at work trying to finally catch up.
Good news? I'm back in my size 7 pre-med leave jeans again at last. This is a relief. Now only 1 more size to be at my final goal. Weight wise I'm unsure atm, but I am happy to have more pairs of suitable comfy, fit-great jeans to wear. I can travel the rest of my shape shifting journey a little less poopy faced. My hips are returning to something I recognize again.

I am also enjoying more freedom with my knees. Still proceeding with caution - but this is just preventative to ensure I can still continue to heal more and more every month.


Fought it!

Jan. 22nd, 2010 05:19 pm
angelak: (Female Runner)
Fought the urge to be entirely lazy alllll night!!!
Hit that 4 miler.
Proud of this. Less than an hour ago, I was wondering how anyone could call ME energetic.
High energy.

Hands frozen; can't post anymore. Till later, folks.
I made it.

angelak: (AngelaNov09)
Good Morning, folks!

Been another whirlwind of a day in 2010. Loving every minute of this year so far. Last weekend was by far one of the most fun weekends I've had in months. I took the Unarmed self defense course from Insights. 2 day course, from 8AM-6PM.

This is where I heard my heart say, "learning is breath for the soul." Learned some great stuff and actively practiced all weekend long. The end of the course was highlighted by the Ex-Special Ops Army Ranger dude attacked each of us while we stood in the middle of the 14 person class room with our eyes closed. He attacked us until we effectively "knocked him out/off us good enough for us to run away."

He did this the first time 2-5 times, depending on your level of ability. (Me 5 times :P)
I, as usual, volunteered to go first. :D I'm a dork like that. I love to go first.
Scary, scary waiting for him to lunge at you from god-knows-what angle! I froze up more my first time around with this, I find where a lot of women will screamscreamscream and try and run, my condition is to freeze up and forget wtf to do. Fortunately I figured it out; Greg was not letting up until we threw a strike that would stun him if he wasn't wearing his full body padding.

Unfortunately the guy after my second turn (he decided to go back through the group one more time - I did MUCH better time #2, because I realized what my weakness was) accidentally fell wrong on Greg's leg! The guy who was being attacked was an EMT, so he immediately was able to say, "yep, Greg. It's broken."

Greg, founder of the training facility - had taught 20 years of classes and this was his first injury on the job :P

Regardless, it was a very action filled class with lots of important and usable take away. Although very spendy for the course, I give it a 5 star rating. I would do it again, and hope to take it again sometime when I have another spare $275.

There are many other courses, and I drool over them all. It was 1 instructor and 4-5 coaches in the room at any given time to help give pointers as they observed us practicing against each other.
I will tell you right now - it was way harder to be the "bad guy," while students practiced against you. "CHOKE ME OUT!!!!!" "PUNCH ME IN THE FACE" were things you could hear non stop in the class.

We practiced ground fighting, defense against chokes, bear hugs, kicks, holds. All sorts of handy stuff. Pre-emptive strikes!

Oh, man. This stuff was right up my ally. The best part is that now I have the real balls behind my already intensely keen observance skills. If someone attacks me, I am confident they will be the ones leaving with a broken face, and not me.


They have a great handgun course, that I really wish I could take. I know I'd leave a weekend of shooting a much, much better shooter. They are also partnering with West Coast Armory's new shooting range soon. West Coast Armory is my favorite weapons shop.

:D IT's right here in Issaquah and I run by it all the time!!! Feeling the urge to save up to buy a nice sidearm for myself, with the knowledge that I can only carry so often... seeing as I wear clothes that are too tight to conceal easily unless I've got a baggy hoodie. Hmmm. I also am interested in their "knife fighting" class, that's something I feel like would be handy right now as a protective device that I could utilize right now without any training beyond: "STRIKE TO THE NECK" which is already a piece of knowledge I have as it is. Strike to the neck with a knife, that works. Anyone want to get in the way of a knife laced power punch???


Anyway, the rest of the week was spent being sore from being thrown around for 2 days straight.
I have lots more stories from the class, but right now my work list is like a mile long...

I just feel like a breeze of positive, powerful energy has been blowing through my life. As Mercury and Mars goes direct, I feel like it can only get better. As far as my weight loss goals, week #1 of officially weighing weekly; I've lost 3lbs - after plateauing for effectively 3-4 months. Here goes, world! Consistency is my priority.

Here's to continued progress.

angelak: (CommentsCrack)
Life has been chugging along! Lots of stuff going on. Most notably, last night I completed my 30 Bikram Yoga classes in 30 days. Score!

Pretty happy about this. Had a great time doing it - but am really looking forward to diversifying. Sad I didn't go run this morning; I felt nauseous from taking my birth control on too little food in my stomach. When that happens, I feel horrible or puke - say, 5-7 hours later.


So it made it really hard, even though I woke up when I wanted to, to go decide to run a few miles. It just didn't seem to be what called to me!!!! I was like, uuuuuugh. I want to lay here and fall asleep so I don't have to feel blaaaah.

I'll have to trust in myself that I'll get back to it!!! I'm nervous because I took some time off when I got a headcold at the beginning of my 30 day. I'll be trying to uphold a very regular practice anyway, now that I've had my great 30 days. I saw some awesome advances, and I plan to do my very first official article on Fitness, The Journey, about it.

It seems appropriate. Thanks to Inna, for cluing me into blogspot, which has adsense, which is something I really wanted to enable on my first "content oriented," blog.
So, last night was day 30, and I felt fantastic. And dubiously tempted to do a 60. But my studio closes at the end of this month for 4 days to switch to our new location. Which... would sort of be a pain in the butt. :P

That and the idea of freely diversifying...
I better head off to my chiro apt, and then do work. Hopefully post more personal blabbing later.

angelak: (AngelaSide08)
Time to write some blog updates, here. As my life begins shifting lately, it seems the old ithisia livejournal entries are getting scarce. I like when I do sit down and choose to put words to the screen, and I know I’ll value the ability to step back and read them when these times are over.

Not succeeding this week at eating very raw. I’ve been eating about 50% raw, instead of 90-100%. I guess it’s not in alignment right now. Haven’t been craving the green juices as much – and it is probably to do with the cooler weather. Been eating fruits to try and take care of the sweet tooth and that usually works great.

I got a g1 a week or two back now off of CraigsList, as I couldn’t keep up texting with Jonny. He has an iphone, and I had a shitty RAZR that I’ve always hated. I got it 1 year ago when I moved into 874 – SOLELY because my other phone battery was too short lived.
The g1 purchased off CL, with my old SIM card because I’ve been a t-mobile customer for like over a decade now – works like a charm. No need to upgrade to a data plan, because it has WiFi and I’m not that thrilled about paying $20 a month extra for an incidental.

This week I have been trying to do more running, and succeeding. I had set the intent to do every other day running vs. yoga, but I have an engagement tonight that breaks into my yoga time :( That makes me sad, but right now I’m feeling like breaking it up how the life and schedule allows. Running gives me a lot more time to do other things with – (read, see Jim for more than a meal or two). At this point it’s important to me to keep that homelife relationship strong and improving and morphing into greater and more beautiful things. Why? Because the NRE with Jon is pretty fun and it exposes on some level some things I’ve been wanting to work with between me and Jim. These are good things.

We’ve been spurred to have a few super serious conversations that I feel like – I walked away with more insight into Jim’s reality. At times I am not entirely in tune with his reality.
So, because my schedule got a bit tweaked, it looks like this for the week:

Sunday: Ran
Monday: Yoga
Tuesday: Ran
Wednesday: Ran
The rest of the week will perhaps look like this:
Thursday: Yoga/Run (I sort of want to ACTUALLY make it to toastmasters…but in the interest of getting enough yoga in, I might have to push it to next Thursday)
Friday: Yoga
Saturday: Run

The goal was to get 4 runs in and 3 yogas. Next week I’d like to get more yoga in, and scale back on the running. I miss circuit training, but I want to start learning what the balance of running vs yoga is, before I can add in anything else to the equation. I miss my big guns and my built deltoids. My deltoids are pretty badass when I’m working them good.
It’s because I love military press. ;)

Feeling pretty good with 3 runs already this week; in fact I can scarcely believe it. Today my knees feel a little more tender than usual, even though I woke up with them feeling stellar. I think it was when I was hitting 7mph on the treadmill that did it. But, it still feels pretty awesome. My next run will be slower and more easy, and I will stick with steady. I’ve been doing some minor speed work and seeing results already. My regular pace is heightened. It feels good to run long. My legs reaching for the limits feels fantastic – but I’m also knowledgeable enough to realize that this causes more impact also. So, a couple of easier runs to ensure that my body’s limits are not pushed regarding tendons, and things will be great.

In yoga, I am getting further down in fixed firm and a little shocked that the past few times I’ve done this it has not done anything “weird” to tenderize my tendons. It makes me very optimistic that one day I will be back on the floor without causing tendon strain. I also feel a strong vibe that eventually – I will also be back to doing kneeling poses. I’m in no rush. The 2 I can’t really do without a modification or sitting out are camel and rabbit.
For one, I love camel.
For two, I hate rabbit.

And I miss doing both – no matter how poorly I execute rabbit. I always felt a sense of satisfaction from doing a pose that was really not constitutionally easy for me. But that’s why I stuck with Bikram, after all. None of it was easy.

Fighting in Yoga with standing head to knee – because my left knee tries to hyper extend every single damn time. I have to fight to keep the leg from hyper extending. It frustrates me, but I think if I just keep pushing and working on it – I’ll have some pretty awesome muscle benefits that will help keep my knee on that side safer. The right way – is the hard way.
Emotionally, I’ve been steering clear of depressive episodes and low moods. I feel like I’ve hit some major break throughs, and some of it has to do with being out of pain for most of my day. I am still VERY mindful all day long of my knees, but the dull ache and constant worry is fading. It is becoming a nasty memory that has shaped my soul.

I look back at my last 19 months and realize that 19 months was a short journey to what insights I think will be carried with me for the rest of my life here on Earth.
There’s no telling the number of people I wish to help one day with my empathy, with my ability and understanding of how these physical limitations can change your entire life, and your entire being.

While I may be mindful of my knees for years to come and perhaps forever – I know I’ve come very far. The turn around of this was in June 2009. I started my 30 day challenge that lasted 14 days with the Bikram Yoga, and found insights and strength to back off and turn my knees around. Without that 14 days of yoga, I doubt I would have had the presence of mind to know in my heart what things to do to get me where I could become as pain free as I am today.

I am still working with the extra weight I put on during that period, but it is minor. I am still fit, mostly trim, and close to my goals. I am okay with where I am at. Also, fortunate with 2 fellas to remind me that they value me for not only my physical attributes, but so much more.

I went in to get a physical a couple of weeks ago and got some blood work done: all numbers are stellar. I have super low cholesterol where it is supposed to be low, and all my other numbers are in the low range of what they’re supposed to be.
In my gyn visit the nurse and the gyn were surprised at how low my resting heart rate was. They said, “uh, do you work out???? We see very few people with a resting HR of 49…”
I grinned and said, “just a bit.” For the record, the average person has a resting HR of 60-100. Apparently I’m in the athlete class with the resting HR! Some athletes though, have a HR as low as the 30’s. (Think Lance Armstrong).

The lower your heart rate, the more efficient your heart is at pumping blood throughout the body. Less beats means a stronger heart. One could deduct that I have a strong heart! Yeay! You mean the toiling pays offff????
What this tells me, is I am VERY healthy right now, in spite of some minor knee issues that are fading rapidly.

I also feel pretty emotionally grounded, which has been something I am almost as excited as I am about the knees! My day to day life has been looking like a lot of work, a lot of house cleaning and laundry, a lot of running and less yoga than I’ve practiced in the last 10 months, but still a pretty decent practice (falling to 3-4 times a week over the previous 5-6 times a week). I admit – it is keeping things fresh for me at this point. I can’t deny that my body just loves to run. In December 2006, I started an “experiment,” that I kept to myself. The experiment was running. I was too ashamed of myself to call myself a runner. I didn’t want to be a poser, so I kept this experiment to myself. I’ve been hooked on running for the duration of the last 3 years. And I celebrate this blessing in my life every mile I put in.
In December 2008, on the 5th – I began Bikram Yoga as “an experiment.” I had no idea what to expect, but it was largely due to the suggestion of S/Energei. My gut told me I needed to go do this. I resisted, but bravely went in by myself with no other intent but to improve my knees.

It became a refuge for my depression and my life. It taught me so much about myself and now I’m really thinking the next several years of my life will also include a steady practice in the Bikram Yoga. Besides – once you get addicted to how wonderful the hot room feels, I’m thinking it’s hard to step away from it ;)

Also the leg strength and balancing that is attained… it’s irreplaceable. On December 5th, 2009 – I intend to make a mental celebration of my 1 year anniversary to Yoga. I have also found some very energizing and supportive souls at my studio. I was very shy when I first started going, but their open and loving attitudes brought me to a place of emotional healing. I don’t think I could have done it without them. Linda, Brenna, Heidi, Laurel.
Anyways. More to come, but I have a chiropractic appointment very soon. ;)

angelak: (Sing to me)
Having a wonderful Thursday morning. It's one week until I take a trip to Las Vegas, where I'll be going to Steve Pavlina's personal development workshop. This was my primary reason for going to Vegas. I'm not big into the party scene, or gambling. Regardless, I will probably take moments to also enjoy the scene while I am there. I'd never made plans to go to Vegas, but it seems my personal vibes have pushed me to attend this workshop, and I'm very excited.

Also, Bikram teacher training starts in Vegas over the 2-4th. From one of my teachers, she says you can drop in!!! She said perhaps later on in the first few days Bikram will probably teach the classes and so – in some I should be able to join in for a regular drop in fee if I can locate the place they're doing it!!!! (Which I am pretty sure I can).
This prospect is awesome!!! So, we'll see about. Maybe on my last day of Vegas, I will do a drop in.

Jim and I will be flying out Thursday morning – October 1st. This is our first plane trip together. We've been together for a while, but I do look forward to this milestone. I would pretend that I haven't become a bit of a self-help junkie, except that I can truly admit that between personal development and yoga, it has really alleviated a lot of my depressive cycle that had programmed itself to my brain. I was looking for ways to reprogram myself, when I ran into Steve Pavlina's book. Which I ordered and loved. And then I found his blog. And the chain of spiritual change happened. And as a respect to myself, I am not going to pretend it hasn't brought about a much better life circumstance for me on a day to day basis. Same with the following news.

In other news, I've been experimenting with eating more raw/vegan style. It's a personal experiment. I've been reading about it for months, but always felt too overwhelmed to actually make entire steps towards the lifestyle. It's hard to wrap your head around this sort of thing. No one accepts this. People like to reject the idea. I don't care how other folks live out their lives, and I think everyone should eat/believe/do what suites them the best – their personal Will. That being said, I'm doing personal experiments with my own body and seeing how it works for me.

This week I decided to stop being so intimidated. I went to a juicing class on Monday put on by this guy I've been following on facebook who does raw diet stuff, and was inspired. It made me realize that I don't have to doing anything 100% if it isn't what I want. So, instead – I decided to try to take it day by day. One day at time, instead of “I'm going to do this forever,” or even a 30 day trial yet.
And if I see situations where I see fit, or outright WANT to stray off and eat something cooked, I can and will. The idea that any percentage of raw food eating will improve me, is what I am going off of. My body is being inundated with fresh, raw, and wonderful nutrients.

And the thing of it (fruits and veggies) is... I haven't had many cravings at this point. For the most part I feel pretty good. My current routine goes like this: Fruit in the morning, a green juice at lunch, fruit if I feel my calories are crashing, and a big salad for dinner with tons of veggies/fruit.

This also with working out 5-7 times per week so far. The thing I enjoy most is – drinking gallons of water is less needed when you do this. The water is all inclusive in the food/meals. (Not that I don't have SOME). Instead of indulging in candy or other stuff, lately I've just reached for fruit instead.
Normally this did not work when I ate other cooked items... but paired with 50% veggies, and 50% fruits, I seem to notice that it's easier to handle. So, this is my experiment that I will work with for now. And if I feel like I don't want to, or it stops FEELING good, I'll drop it ;)

I've been sort of struggling with identifying with it – or admitting to certain skeptics about it. This is sort of why I'm writing about here it. To begin to remind myself of my own personal authority. It doesn't matter what Jonny says about it ;)

(Jonny is a sweetie of mine who is definitely into his protein). For an different view of protein, read a little about the protein myth, or don't...

It was when I found myself ordering my dinner salad out (knowing full well that most salads prepared at restaurants are not entirely raw) and picking at my chicken because I was afraid he'd judge me for it. I was breaking a couple of personal rules here: Changing myself for a man, (albeit a wonderful man!) and pretending to be something else that I am not.

Right now, I am not hugely meat eating. I've been experimenting (again, lots of experiments) with cutting beef and chicken for a few months. Lately I just indulge in meat as a “special” occasion almost, instead of a regular part of my diet. Hey – I've been pro-meat for years. I also love eggs and dairy. But, what does it hurt me to learn more about how my body feels on different fuels? Not at all.

So, last night when I prepared my (HUGE!!!!) salad dinner (that, note – I could not finish because I got full) I dialed Jonny's number and proudly announced that I was eating a fruit and veggie salad with NO PROTEIN. And that was how I liked it!

It was intentional because this was the second time I've prepared such a meal and had comment from him. I needed to get him to realize that I am not going to stand behind the “work out, eat tons of protein” concept. While I understand you must be careful about re-fueling, nutrients, and the like... I will go with my own body experiments and not accept stuff because “studies have shown,” or “other people told me,” XYZ.

I want to know for myself.

That being said, life has been good. The past few days I've been feeling very, very high.
Really, really busy. I went to yoga and then went straight to Red Robin to meet Jon for dinner and hang out. Yesterday I chose to skip yoga (and have a rest day) and hang out with Jim before he went to work.
Somewhat irritating that both my sweeties would have overnight jobs, and virtually the same nights off.

Could I just have a guy that works a normal daytime schedule??? Anyone? Actually, I don't think at this time I could even find time to have any other involvements. With Yoga, running, healing, ongoing personal efforts, reading, house keeping, and working – my life is honestly full. I also have been more social in the last 1-2 months, and this involves more friends.

This is how my situation with Jonny evolved. For the past 4-5 months, we've been getting together as friends. If anyone KNOWS Jon, you'll know that we've dated off and on for about 10 years or more.
Somehow, I found things evolving once again. Things are going well on that end. I have been trying to get him to go to OLO, but he's shy.

I think he also wants to lose some weight before he goes. :(
He is self conscious. He lost 100lbs 3-4 years ago, so he could join the Marines. He joined the Marines, made his entire life shift, and then in boot camp he got discharged for medical reasons. (He got sick or something?) He came home, got a bit down about it – and after sustaining a knee injury (are we seeing why I could connect with him on other levels?) slowly regained 2/3s of that weight. He was more overweight before, and I've always adored him regardless. When it comes to his weight and knee issues, although I am a tiny version of this – this is where I know Jim has less ability to directly relate to the struggle with injury vs. having been at a supreme fitness area.

The understanding I get from Jon is something I haven't found with any other connection in my life. (And we spend a lot less time talking about it unless one of us has a flare up with our knees!)

I would like to take this time also to shout out to the roof tops about how progressed my condition is!!!!!!

MY KNEES ARE ON THEIR WAY TO 100% health! Right now I still have to be very careful, but my day to day experience is much better. For this, I also feel the depressive states have lifted. But part of me thinks my outlook had a direct impact on where my healing was.

Right now running is a far lower risk than kneeling. Once the immediate inflammation went down, the running was less risky. Right now I struggle with reminding myself not to kneel in yoga classes. I have to sit out a number of poses (2 or 3, which feels like forever when you are the sort of student who normally refuses to relent). Lesson there: sometimes we need to back off in order to reap the bigger benefits. I already knew that, but it is a daily lesson when I go to class.

The kind of patience that not going into camel or rabbit poses takes, is bigger than that of practicing either position. Also fixed firm. So far, half-tortoise appears to do less harm. On my last visit to the therapist – she advised bringing a blanket or pillow to start going into kneeling poses. Well, my studio typically frowns on props. So I asked if I could use a towel. I am thinking the towel I chose was not enough padding, because when I tried one or two poses this way (as a test) it has left me waiting the past couple of days to get past a mild twinge in the around-the tendon area.

I am committed to take it easy the rest of this week and search for something that is sort of towel like, but very, very padded. It is the action of rolling over the kneecap with my full weight that currently causes relapse.

Look at me! I'm so learned. I am proud of my self knowledge. I feel like I'm waking from a long, deep – groggy sleep. Running feels like a blessing. Going for walks is elating. Stairs are wonderful. Standing talking to my co workers with less worry makes me want to shed tears.

Sitting down on the toilet with no pain is a personal triumph. What can I say? I will never take these things for granted.



angelak: (Default)

April 2016


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