![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
Welcoming in 2008 with some thoughts
It’s 2008.
2007 was quite the year. I must admit. I’ve had a lot of time, like everyone else – to contemplate these things. This is just what comes along with calendar years shifting. Humans begin to be conscious of these things, all over again. As if the year before wasn’t enough. I am, however – constantly doing this in my own life anyway. A day in, day out – sort of thing. But lately, I have had some other thoughts. Some New ideas to try living with.
Some shifting has been occurring in my own life. I’m at a good place in my life. Financially, I am not doing too badly. Physically, I am not doing too badly. Emotionally, I am not doing too badly either. There are things I do want to work on, because I can always improve. I’ve a lifetime to continue getting better. It’s when I hit a standstill that I know I should be worried. Sometimes I think I have done that somewhat in the workplace. This is what causes me to be snippy, bitter, and insecure. I have career dreams that don’t involve where I’m at now.
The reality is, for the time being I feel like this is where I am supposed to be, however – there are times it feels like I am standing at the edge of cliff. And just preparing for what may lie ahead in my life. Just waiting for my monkey brain to catch up with the possibilities. This year I will turn 24. In April, I will have been at my current workplace for 6 years. 5 years full time, 1 year half time. In April 2002, I started my work here. I am vested at 5 years. I have dreams and yet that is all they are. There is more work to be done on myself before I can hope to build the blocks to reaching them, and I know what that is, where it might be, and when my emotional stability would allow for – if it ever does.
There are a handful of people who truly know what that is for me. Some dreams aren’t meant to be shared with the world.
It would seem I have learned a great deal about my friends lately. I feel like I’m in a different place than many of them. I am shifting, morphing – and changing like every person does. I find this to be exciting, and at the same time there are always growing pains with this.
2008 I hope to get faster and become stronger physically. I have come a long way since December 2006. I waited to allow myself to become mentally ready before training harder, after I had learned how to run. I have now made it a larger goal to maintain more physical balance and include other things in my scope of physical endeavors. My legs are only half of it. And I realize by strengthening my entire body, I can reach closer to any goals that I could hope to attain. I want to be better than I imagined by the time I turn 30. I want to be stronger that I could have imagined, more confident than I could have imagined – and more accomplished that I ever dreamed possible. I am already there in a lot of ways, but right now I think my life is still on the edge of a turning point.
And I haven’t even touched the relationship side of things. But I do know one thing… I enter 2008 fortunate to have company in my home once again – and with Jim. He is very fair and we are learning how to interact, negotiate, and co-exist in a harmonious way. I’ve lived with a boyfriend before. It didn’t feel this way. I think I’m onto something very nourishing.
So – it becomes my goal to be more social, and to find some closer connections with a few people. I used to think I wanted to be more active spiritually, but I think right now is not the time for this kind of growth in my life. Spirituality has to come naturally, and not be forced. Beyond the things I have been maintaining now, I think I am going to have to carefully ensure that my other growing needs of my life are met first. Focusing on my future in other areas feels very right to me right now.
I have 2 female best friends. I have known them for over a decade. We have interacted, grown up together, and been the source of much support and also roller coaster situations. I am feeling at odds with these people – and it was New Years that made me really sit down and contemplate what that was to me. It’s a difficult thing. I am close to them. And yet I am so distant at the moment. Like they cannot understand me, like they do not want to understand me. And the more I step back, the more I wonder about the sort of individuals they have become. I am not resonating on the same wave length with them anymore. This has happened to me with other close friends; just not these 2. Sooner or later I was forced to accept the realities of the last time this happened to me. I just hope this isn’t as harsh.
I must seek elsewhere for support and this is acceptable. I am realizing this. This is not so bad. I enter the New Year in a state of life evaluation.
This year I hope to find a home of my own. And if this is meant to be, it will. If it isn’t time – then I am not forcing anything. The hope to do this is out there on the horizon. I wouldn’t mind inviting it closer in once given the year some time to settle in.
Although I currently feel secure in my rental – it has been trouble. It does not make me “happy,” in so many words. It is an unbeatable deal and insanely close to work. It has also helped me grow and learn how to run in a safer environment. My goal for a more permanent mortgage situation is that I would be able to run in relative safety outside at varying times of the night. This is one of my number one priorities.
So, I hope to maintain my high level of fitness, health, and ambition for the year.
-Angela
no subject
I think I'm at the same place with the spirituality thing.... it's just not something to be forced. If it's not the time for it, then it's just not the time.
It's always hard to realize that things may not be the way you wish them to be (or the way they used to be) with people... not fun to accept, but new things can grow out of it, whether it be with those people or with other people.
Cheers to life evaluation.
yes!
Yeah - things can change with people. It can be hard to let go - although I was beginning to realize perhaps this is my chance to forge stronger, more current relationships with other people.
This happened to me before with the same set of girls. And that was when I became close to the PSG. Although a part of me was melancholy when I was distant from my old pals, it was wholly exciting to get close to a new set of people. And that set of people included you and your sister!
I'm really hoping there are some really great chances to do both meeting of new people somehow and getting close to older pals that don't include the old "group," that I was speaking of.
Anywho!!! Hope to see you soon... are you back on this coast??? :P I am never really sure where you are. I should utilize email and phone with you more. I have made another priority to take more outwards steps to contact folks that ARE important to me. Where as in the last 6 months I have been a bit solitary in this measure.
-Angela