Thoughts
First off - D, C, and J hosted a killer Samhain party. I was honored to be in attendance.
It was good to visit with people and get out of my own very small confines of reality. I didn't feel like leaving my house to go.
But Jim advised it was probably best that I get out and see people.
He was right.
He's typically right often.
Even if I occasionally have a habit of telling him otherwise... I have no idea how he puts up with me. I wish I was half as patient as he is.
Something about hitting a depressive low in the mid day made it hard to want to dress up. I wish I could tell myself and listen to myself, to be a little less driven off the edge. But once I start thinking of how my life "used to be," I tend to find myself going down the dark spiral of sadness. I don't mean to sound so emo, but there it is. I fall hard sometimes at this current time in my life.
Jim assures me I am everything that I was and I can achieve all that stuff as I did before. I realize I am standing in my own way. I know this - and yet what is stopping me this time around from being as driven??? My knees? My attitude. My view of myself - toxic and unforgiving. I'm working on shifting. After all, I make so many positive choices for myself, and am capable of so much more than I ever was before.
I try and pep talk myself all day long. I try being nice, I try being cruel to myself, and yet if I look back to the highest point in my life, early 08... I find myself given to tears. :(
Moving on...
I found 2 new icons and fell in love with the one for this post. It's going to be my new default. I wish I had a full sized version because I'd print it out and hang it on my wall.
Been an odd day. I feel like running. Yes. At midnight.
My sleep schedule has been off all weekend. Fortunately I stayed out late Friday night with my friends (ehh) while they drank in Ballard, (I ordered coffee at the bar, I'm a real partier).
Ran into the MA from the clinic at a pub in Ballard. I was amused. Mostly because when I saw him in the clinic I thought he was adorable. I didn't mind chatting with him whilst he was buzzed. It didn't hurt to see 2 cute guys side by side. (Jim and the MA.) Poor me. ;)
As the days wear on - Jim and I tire of living in our rental Duplex. It's not a bad place. I've loved Side A in many ways. And not so in others... but, we know this phase of our lives is drawing to a close. And with a new place to call our own. It is hard to want to be here anymore. Especially since my house keeping has gone out the window.
I am not sure what my point is.
I was undoubtedly kept at the party slightly later than planned. I had nothing to come home to other than the 2 boys (Rufus and Fritz), so it was not that bad. Fortunately there was nothing important on the agenda for Sunday.
Jimbo working the graveyard leaves my bed empty at night. Except that my bed is never empty. There are always 8 other legs and 2 big noses and 2 furry bodies. And they always try and shove me out of my own bed...
I hope I seemed as patient as I could considering the fact that it had been hard enough to tell myself I wanted to be social - let alone stay out until, as I unlocked the door to SideA, just after 4AM...
In conclusion to my party updates:
It was nice to be reminded outside of my 3 boys (Rufus, Jim, Fritz) that people enjoy my company.
Thanks folks.
-Angela
no subject
Aw, Thanks!
Being violently ill sucks donkey balls.
;)
-Angela
Also
Intense!
-Angela