Yesterday evening - Cheryl - The ritual!

[angelak]

*Yawns* It's not that I have an excuse to be tired, but I just am. I am formatting a hard drive right now. Bleh. I should respond to Amy of Building. She left me a voicemail about her Outlook, but I just don't have the energy to talk.

Yesterday was a ton of fun with Cheryl and Cristin writing the ritual and blocking it. I should start working on my Oak King part now, memorization. Cheryl also began teaching me the fight scene work with the staves. It will be so much fun, it's such a challenge, but I think I can get it down. I mean, we've got a month, so I think if I stick to it like glue, I'll be able to catch the movements! We lost track of time while we were experimenting, and little did I know Steve was trying to call because I was late.

The stormy, windy, rainy weather made him worried, especially that I was about an hour late. My phone was in Cheryl's room, we were practicing our moves in the garage. Normally I have my cell on me, but I had left in her room while we wrote.

We vented about various frustrating things too, which is always good. Cristin left early, before Cheryl and I started our practicing. When I did get a hold of Steve, he was annoyed because I hadn't called. And suddenly, like a rope around my neck, I felt so very restricted, more so than I had ever felt with even my parents. And it was then that a shadow of doubt was cast upon the subject of moving in with him.

I wondered to myself if this was the right thing. Worrying and such, as Cheryl continued blocking the ritual, I began to pay less attention to the blocking and seriously wonder what mistake I had made? I tried to shrug it off. Too late now, anyway.

I came home to a sink full of dishes, that Steve had promised he would do the prior evening. They were still there. I ignored them at first, showing him some movements, until he began questioning why anyone would do it THAT way... and then I got defensive, with being tired, and the frustration from his worry that I was late sunk in. Alongside with the dishes, I was just annoyed. Got in an argument. I didn't even want to go to bed with him at this point.

Too tired to be stubborn for long, I just gave up and went to bed with him, still miffed about the dishes, but weary from nearly 2 hours of movements that had flown by, as if time were quicksand, taking moments down in no time. It was crazy. I woke up, not ready for the day, but feeling less annoyed. And here I am. The hard drive is on 95% done formatting, soon I will begin the Windows 2000 installation. Blah. :X Oh well. ZZZZzzZZ I didn't even have coffee this morning, I opted for Chai tea....

-Angela

Comments

[netharos.livejournal.com]

I'm sorry. If you haven't already, you should definately tell him how you're feeling. It's totally natural to be worried about your loved ones, and maybe he doesn't realize that his worrying makes you feel restricted too. He definately should have done the dishes--totally inexcusable there. I believe that communication is the cornerstone of all good relationships (with friends, family, lovers,etc.), because without it you just get one misunderstanding after the other. All relationships can feel like work sometimes, because they are a learning process, and you certainly learn a lot of new things about each other when you're living in the same space--good and bad. Just be sure to take time to tell him calmly how you feel. He needs to know though, and if he loves you, he'll really appreciate it and want to work things out. For my part I hope things really do work out. Take care.

I did

[ithisia.livejournal.com]

I told him everything. Of course, he defended himself with excuses as to why he didn't do his share; and he merely discounted the fact I felt restricted by saying, "well, I can't help being worried." But it doesn't change the fact I am worried I will feel restricted. I just always pictured moving out creating more freedom, rather than more restriction. I feel like when I am communicating, he just discounts it due to his side of the story. It's only the tone of his response that makes me feel as though he isn't listening. But then when I'm tired, I don't listen either. *shrugs* It's nothing too unusual. The past year and a half of our relationship has pretty much been like this. Perhaps we're just adjusting to the new environment.

-Angela

Re: I did

[netharos.livejournal.com]

I admit I've never moved in with a girlfriend, and I always picture it as leading more freedom too. My best friend Jessica has moved in with boyfriends at different times in her life, and from what I've heard/seen from her it has got its reals ups and downs like anything else. It sounds like you're certainly doing your part. Best wishes.