My writing

[angelak]

I feel like writing.
I mean, seriously... writing.
The problem?
I can’t write and be social. The two for me never mixed. The only times I would sit down and “write,” were in times that I was literally, alone-alone.
And that isn’t now.
So much is always going on that I doubt as though I’ll ever get back to it again, sometimes.

So hard for me to balance all of my goals sometimes.
For the first time in a long time, the inspiration of writing was present--of perhaps trying to fight my fear about my beloved writing.

In the past 2 years I’ve lost all manner of confidence that I may have once had in regards to my writing. I’m sure any piece I would write; I’d be mortified to show anyone. This sucks, because previously I actually had confidence about it. It seems all of that has snuck away and I am left thinking that anything I write will suck; that anyone who reads it will be skeptical.

It was always my #1 recreation and passion of choice... it was always what actually used to keep me ticking. Even before I could write, I was composing stories in my head and relating my life to a giant book, that I visualized had volumes and volumes, pages upon pages....that I would conciously narrate as early as 5 years old or so.

Writing was always my thing, until about 2000. My focal point and all my energy went towards computer and networking knowledge.

Perhaps for an entire month, I will vow not to talk to ANYBODY and be ALL BY MYSELF.... and just follow my goals of writing.
Obviously a couple of months in particular are out of question for that. I think all months are. But I fantasize about being solitary for that reason.

Maybe I’ll try and set aside some time. But I know if it’s not substantial, I won’t get anywhere with it.

*sighs* Jeah. I’m ghetto.
If I don’t believe in myself, then who will believe in me? Hah.
Deep within, I think, “Since I last seriously wrote, I have changed as a person so much. There’s a lot of potential there for my writing...” but on the same level I also think, “you haven’t seriously written in quite some time. It’s going to totally suck and no one should ever, ever, ever read any of it.”
I need that confidence back; but I have no idea how to start.


-Angela