So. Frustrating.

[angelak]

On January 7th, I asked Steve not to "message me, e-mail me, or have any contact online or otherwise in person."

Not only then; but several requests since September. I unblocked his comments, merely to see if he could actually respect my wishes without me forcing it on him. Okay, it was a stupid test to see if he actually WOULD leave me alone. Why? Because I had wanted to see if it was worth salvaging a friendship for. I had concluded that perhaps had he resisted the urge to drop any line, that perhaps he'd be over me enough so that we might maintain some sort of mutual friendship. Not just him PUSHING it on me.

Maybe this whole logic is flawed; I don't know. What I do know is that I needed space to really process and establish myself, without the pressure from the ex.

Especially Steve. He’s rather pushy and he has tendencies to project... if to say the least, use his emotions to manipulate. I don’t care what he says about the fact he’s “not manipulating,” me... the truth is, I’ve caught on to that. Whether he is aware of it or not, he does have a tendency towards that.

This was part of what made me so miserable in our relationship after a point. I was no longer freely making decisions about where my life was to be going. It was a guilt-issue with lots of complaints from Steve—especially in regards to my spiritual path. Which—I could no longer take after a point. I realized that I was no longer free and able to grow as I would.

Digressing....

Today, or yesterday... he posts a comment on my live journal. Could I have been any more clear?
Where did I go wrong with my statement...

DO NOT CONTACT ME.
He doesn’t get it. It makes me ultimately sad that I can’t trust him to respect my wishes. Even in the most EXPLICIT terms.

I wasn’t nice about it.
I’ve been nice and it’s not working. So I had got a little harsher about it.

And now? Gah. It just seems that he really DOES want to push me away to the point where I won’t ever talk to him again.

Lianna... if you’re reading: What the hell do I do with the fact that he blatantly disregards me???

Does he think it will gain my eager-friendship by doing the opposite of what I’m asking?

By his actions, he is separating himself from me more than he knows.
Anyway.


That’s my rant for the day.
And I leave that behind to celebrate Khaya’s birthday in peace. Yeay.

-Angela