Sigh

My sleep was interrupted at 3AM. Rufus, pooping in my bedroom. For the record, this is not the norm.

I couldn't get back to sleep.
Maybe this is the reason for the emotional tailspin at the moment.

I just feel really, really low.
I am analyzing and feeling things more amplified.
I just don't have a lot of yippee today.
Ever just feel like you are under appreciated where you work?
You've been there so long, and yet you had more respect when you walked in the door?
Maybe it was because I was 17 and I got the respect a 17 year old deserved.
And now I'm going to be 24 and I have the respect a 17 year old deserves.

Or maybe I suck that much more at my job after this long.
Or maybe I just suck.
My work morale has gone straight down the shitter in the last year.
This injury pretty much makes work frustrating for me too.
He is bugging me about new machine deployment again; but my tendency is to avoid it some days (my knee feels great today, why push it?) also in the last 2 weeks we had a long ass list of PC help requests. It's back down to a reasonable number.
I worked my ass off in the last 2 weeks. And the appreciation I get is, "we need to get out more machines."
Every machine I upgrade seems to worry me regarding my physical healing. How do I get around this.
The last 5-6 years, there were always 2 of us deploying. This year there is just me. And I used to do tons per day. Now 1 per day is as much as I can manage thinks to the good ole injury.
I want to scream and scream.Or cry. or both.

-Angela

Maybe R2R 6 will help me

Maybe R2R 6 will help me. (on lunch hour)
Not be so blah.
But sometimes it feels good to cry and run.
Although it fucks with the breathing technique.
My boss keeps repeating himself. OVer and over. I suck.

-Angela

Feeling better

Just trying to relax a bit. It is working.

-Angela

Phase 6

So far phase 6 seems to have worked. I felt my lungs screaming at me a bit, but it was really seriously welcomed. If my lungs are screaming, it means next time they'll thank me for pushing them.

If tomorrow I awaken and there is no dramatic change with my knees, I move on to Phase 7 on Saturday.
I had mixed emotions while out though.
Been stressing today.

And behind my sunglasses, no one can really see much.
Did I mention I love my shades?

( Pictured here, me wearing the new shades. )

That is all. Healing energy, not unwelcome. If you have any to spare, send it my way wouldya?

-Angela