I love you all. Blessed be.
Dec. 13th, 2003 09:48 pm![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
angelakToday started out like all Saturdays. Push come to shove, trying to get out the door to go to the Study group... loving touches from Steve and a shower with him. Things that are good. He made me sandwhiches because he knew I'd be behind schedule, as I always tend to be. Ready for another fun rehearsal and Study group... I wasn't really thinking ahead.
I call Cheryl to tell her I'll be late. I get behind slow people on the road... My comforting Eclipse and the familiar feeling of controlling it's motions. I love driving, and my stereo, and time to myself while getting important places. Ahhh, the familiars. I arrive at the library and there they all, all my friends. All the people who have enhanced my life the past year or so. Katy, Inna, Cheryl, Vicki, Jessie... all the usuals. It all seemed so usual. Like it'd never end. But of course... all wonderous things end to make room for more.
Rehearsal was distracted, but most people knew their lines. It was refreshing to see Katy after so long. Finally the Study Group time came around Kyrie came...
Katy started her presentation and it was a super one. I fully enjoyed it, and I loved her books. I didn't want her to stop, I just wanted to listen to her go on and on about her speciality. And she did. At last that was over. LOVED HER PACKET!!!!!!!!!
Apparently upset with Cheryl, she vented all the things that upset her. I feel this unfortunate thing that it was not quite right to do an extended communication in front of all the group. Cheryl felt publically bitched out. I can see how that wasn't cool. We'd been discussing her urge to quit for some time. This made her wish final.
It seems lately that my fight with my time and the intimate things that are so very important have been difficult. My family is not fucked up like a lot of people, so making time for them it more than just what these girls see. Moving out makes it harder. You can't just see mom or dad anytime you want. You've got to take time to visit them, like any of your friends, any
of your study groups. Katy made me feel like it was a "social thing," to make time for my family.
No. Frustrated with the idea that the e-list has "crap," on it...
It was a split instant that I made the decision I couldn't lead, let alone continue. My idea of ritual and a group isn't the light hearted one that Katy envisions. This being perfectly okay for the both of us. In the end I realized my pure neglect and arguements and work that I have in regards to my relationship with my best friend lover, of whom I have not given nearly enough respect lately. I have things to work on with Steve.
And, I daresay 10 hour work days alongside Sean Ciall is enough to make my life full enough.
I have reaped so much and been built into a stronger person with the group. I have gained some confidence and all that. There were tears and some thick-horrid energy with the announcement that both Cheryl and myself are leaving. The study group is not done. I am not the whole group and neither is Cheryl, may those who move on be blessed and succeed in their manner as they so will be happy.
It is also going to be my goal to drag Becky back into our communications. So to those who care to read:
Katy: You're awesome. I am sorry if you feel it is your fault I left. You cannot change
my work schedule, or my love life, or my ritualistic views. You deserve the best luck. May you
grow with what you've been given to step up with.
Inna: I am so proud of how far you've come. Please contact both Cheryl and I. We'd still
love to work with you... 2 on 1!
Jessie1: We'll stay in touch.
Vicki: SEE YOU IN SPELL CIRCLE LADY!
Anyone else...
THE GROUP isn't over. And I'm not disappearing. You are all my friends and if you still feel
that way, then I'd love to get together for rituals perhaps once every few months or so. No pressure.
And cheryl: I came home and had lots of sex with Steve. [Where's my fuck??] Yeay for me. Now he's snoozing with my dog in his arms.... Anyway. I have to wake him to decorate our Yule tree...
AND I AM EXCITED FOR THE INTENSIVE. We all need that time to realize it's going to be okay and we're all still friends. The Study Group lives on and is reborn, as is my life. I love you all.
Yes, all of you. May the cirlce be open.. but not broken.
-Angela
MOOD:
Numb because the Study Group has been a such a part of me.
Excited because I will begin a new path to learning more things. SEAN CIALL SEAN CIALL SEAN CIALL...
I call Cheryl to tell her I'll be late. I get behind slow people on the road... My comforting Eclipse and the familiar feeling of controlling it's motions. I love driving, and my stereo, and time to myself while getting important places. Ahhh, the familiars. I arrive at the library and there they all, all my friends. All the people who have enhanced my life the past year or so. Katy, Inna, Cheryl, Vicki, Jessie... all the usuals. It all seemed so usual. Like it'd never end. But of course... all wonderous things end to make room for more.
Rehearsal was distracted, but most people knew their lines. It was refreshing to see Katy after so long. Finally the Study Group time came around Kyrie came...
Katy started her presentation and it was a super one. I fully enjoyed it, and I loved her books. I didn't want her to stop, I just wanted to listen to her go on and on about her speciality. And she did. At last that was over. LOVED HER PACKET!!!!!!!!!
Apparently upset with Cheryl, she vented all the things that upset her. I feel this unfortunate thing that it was not quite right to do an extended communication in front of all the group. Cheryl felt publically bitched out. I can see how that wasn't cool. We'd been discussing her urge to quit for some time. This made her wish final.
It seems lately that my fight with my time and the intimate things that are so very important have been difficult. My family is not fucked up like a lot of people, so making time for them it more than just what these girls see. Moving out makes it harder. You can't just see mom or dad anytime you want. You've got to take time to visit them, like any of your friends, any
of your study groups. Katy made me feel like it was a "social thing," to make time for my family.
No. Frustrated with the idea that the e-list has "crap," on it...
It was a split instant that I made the decision I couldn't lead, let alone continue. My idea of ritual and a group isn't the light hearted one that Katy envisions. This being perfectly okay for the both of us. In the end I realized my pure neglect and arguements and work that I have in regards to my relationship with my best friend lover, of whom I have not given nearly enough respect lately. I have things to work on with Steve.
And, I daresay 10 hour work days alongside Sean Ciall is enough to make my life full enough.
I have reaped so much and been built into a stronger person with the group. I have gained some confidence and all that. There were tears and some thick-horrid energy with the announcement that both Cheryl and myself are leaving. The study group is not done. I am not the whole group and neither is Cheryl, may those who move on be blessed and succeed in their manner as they so will be happy.
It is also going to be my goal to drag Becky back into our communications. So to those who care to read:
Katy: You're awesome. I am sorry if you feel it is your fault I left. You cannot change
my work schedule, or my love life, or my ritualistic views. You deserve the best luck. May you
grow with what you've been given to step up with.
Inna: I am so proud of how far you've come. Please contact both Cheryl and I. We'd still
love to work with you... 2 on 1!
Jessie1: We'll stay in touch.
Vicki: SEE YOU IN SPELL CIRCLE LADY!
Anyone else...
THE GROUP isn't over. And I'm not disappearing. You are all my friends and if you still feel
that way, then I'd love to get together for rituals perhaps once every few months or so. No pressure.
And cheryl: I came home and had lots of sex with Steve. [Where's my fuck??] Yeay for me. Now he's snoozing with my dog in his arms.... Anyway. I have to wake him to decorate our Yule tree...
AND I AM EXCITED FOR THE INTENSIVE. We all need that time to realize it's going to be okay and we're all still friends. The Study Group lives on and is reborn, as is my life. I love you all.
Yes, all of you. May the cirlce be open.. but not broken.
-Angela
MOOD:
Numb because the Study Group has been a such a part of me.
Excited because I will begin a new path to learning more things. SEAN CIALL SEAN CIALL SEAN CIALL...
