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angelakAs I look out the window between tasks at work, I behold outside a bright orange/pink sunrise, behind the rolling hills of Issaquah. And I cannot helpb but stare, for a brief minute or two. It's lovely. And I daresay a better way to start my Friday than the end of my Thursday was.
So, another evening of panicking about Steve or if I made the right decision to move in with him. For the two years, even three years, I was sure that was what I wanted. It seems I am going in and out of a panick state about if this is good.
People will tell me it's entirely different living with someone than it is going from your house to theirs. What I mean is, living in each others' homes as much as one would live in a home together.
It really isn't the fact I see MORE of who he is. It's the fact that his life choices right now are frustrating to me. And, stupid little things trigger a real conflict. That is nothing new with Steve and I. In fact, fighting is nothing new. We used to do it more actually, before we moved out together.
Side note, the sunrise faded :X
I feel the real onslaught of arguement became to present when his contract ended. I thought it would be cool for him to have some time off. He could do things he's always talking about not having time to do. Exercise, since the contracts he's had have taken their toll on his fitness. I figured he'd go visit Sultan, play some of his games, do things around the house. But the problem really lies with his blatant obsession to the online multiplayer game, "Horizons."
Instead of doing a variety of these things, Steve plays them 10 hours a day while I am gone at work. It's a clever solution to play them while I am gone, but to play it ALL day that I am gone, no joke or exaggeration here... really upsets me. I've told him this. Several times. His goal... his solution... is to promise to spend 30 minutes of his 10 hour game day, doing the dishes or picking up. Each day...
While this is a good attempt at actually making a difference... he still sits there at least 9 hours staring at his computer screen. It reminds me so much of our differences, of all the things that make me sad, angry, and frustrated. This game, all for this game. Save the fact our gate needs fixed... or the fact it makes me feel so completely used because I feel his share of work, if he's not AT work, is to do those little things, and not just cop out and say, "oh honey, 30 minutes of work is comparable to your 10 hours..." It makes me want to cry. I feel like I get no where. No matter how much I freak out, he just regards it as me, "Freaking out." I don't feel respected. Even now, speaking of it, is building this sorrow, so strong. I wish there was no game, and I wonder how things would be then? A year ago when his game came out...all the same issues game out. All the same arguements and sorrows were there. We were not living officially together. I think this has nothing to do with really moving out together. I think it has everything to do with the game. Although he claims he'd do anything for me, and he claims the game isn't more important than me... it doesn't feel that way.
-Angela
So, another evening of panicking about Steve or if I made the right decision to move in with him. For the two years, even three years, I was sure that was what I wanted. It seems I am going in and out of a panick state about if this is good.
People will tell me it's entirely different living with someone than it is going from your house to theirs. What I mean is, living in each others' homes as much as one would live in a home together.
It really isn't the fact I see MORE of who he is. It's the fact that his life choices right now are frustrating to me. And, stupid little things trigger a real conflict. That is nothing new with Steve and I. In fact, fighting is nothing new. We used to do it more actually, before we moved out together.
Side note, the sunrise faded :X
I feel the real onslaught of arguement became to present when his contract ended. I thought it would be cool for him to have some time off. He could do things he's always talking about not having time to do. Exercise, since the contracts he's had have taken their toll on his fitness. I figured he'd go visit Sultan, play some of his games, do things around the house. But the problem really lies with his blatant obsession to the online multiplayer game, "Horizons."
Instead of doing a variety of these things, Steve plays them 10 hours a day while I am gone at work. It's a clever solution to play them while I am gone, but to play it ALL day that I am gone, no joke or exaggeration here... really upsets me. I've told him this. Several times. His goal... his solution... is to promise to spend 30 minutes of his 10 hour game day, doing the dishes or picking up. Each day...
While this is a good attempt at actually making a difference... he still sits there at least 9 hours staring at his computer screen. It reminds me so much of our differences, of all the things that make me sad, angry, and frustrated. This game, all for this game. Save the fact our gate needs fixed... or the fact it makes me feel so completely used because I feel his share of work, if he's not AT work, is to do those little things, and not just cop out and say, "oh honey, 30 minutes of work is comparable to your 10 hours..." It makes me want to cry. I feel like I get no where. No matter how much I freak out, he just regards it as me, "Freaking out." I don't feel respected. Even now, speaking of it, is building this sorrow, so strong. I wish there was no game, and I wonder how things would be then? A year ago when his game came out...all the same issues game out. All the same arguements and sorrows were there. We were not living officially together. I think this has nothing to do with really moving out together. I think it has everything to do with the game. Although he claims he'd do anything for me, and he claims the game isn't more important than me... it doesn't feel that way.
-Angela
