Ah. Much to catch up on!
Dec. 21st, 2003 01:29 pm![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
angelakWe will begin with Steve.
Did a lot of communicating with Steve. He made a promise about laying off the game and being more productive. I'm a little nervous about whether or not he'll follow through, and so that's the downside. But the upside is that we made up and I feel better. I won't add power to my fear about him not following through. Apparently he didn't "realize it was such a big thing to me." And when he read Sammantha's post about how it's an "escape to reality," in which I had already asked him about previously, because I've heard of such things before... he just replied, "that's not it. I just enjoy the game. A lot."
And when I mentioned being upset enough to be thinking about going so far as leaving him, he acted as though I had never communicated what a big deal it was to me. Apparently breaking down is not enough to get across that it was a big DEAL to me. *shrugs* Whatever. So, having spelled it out simply, that I had even begun to think about leaving him. Although, of all seriousness -- I don't think that could ever happen anyway. Especially when I start thinking rationally. When I mentioned the thoughts had been crossing my mind to him, he immediately went to the, "it's only a game, and I would stop if it meant that were to happen." Which is good. In fact, I've already seen an improvement on his effort. So, because things have improved, I have felt able to open myself sexually to him. And this morning was a very fine session of love making... and needless to say, he re-newed his promise yet again during this time. So, I think things are going to be heading upwards again, as does the waxing days become longer... perhaps we will get stronger, as happens with every rift.
ONwards... Study grouP!!!
The hand parting went lovely. It was lower key and less depressing than a lot of people expected. I haven't once really felt ... depressed about the group coming to an end... BUt I am the sort of person who feels loss at a slow rate. Once I finish something, it generally takes a year or so for that to catch up to me. So, ask me in a year if I've felt upset about it. Maybe I'll say yes!
Lots of socialization. Much fun. I also realized that I really am ready to move on. As I am tolerant to those younger than me, times are ready to learn from someone older, rather than the time I have had, learning from those who are younger. Both is a healthy experience. I'm excited to work with Bobby.
Cheryl and I practiced our staff routine. I am feeling good about that. THat'll be so fun. I am still tacking down my invoke. I have all my ritual lines, which is good. Ummm... pizza... gifts... presentations that I didn't feel particularly driven to listen to for one reason or the other. Things I've already heard or learned elsewhere, so my attention strayed. I went on and droned on about grounding and centering... particularly stressing these ideas to the newbies. That went well enough.
Anyway. I think that covers it. Lots of fun. Had fun with namely Inna... she's so crazy. I love to listen to her Russian, and I love to emulate her and totally butcher the words. Poor Inna. I harrass her so much. But she's just going to have to get used to it!!! muahahhaahaaa. Anyway. Must have Steve time now! And get ready to go to Joshua's party. STEVE'S COMING. We're getting Cheryl and Cristin. YEAY YEAY YEAY! And I am relieved about my Steve situation. I really think it'll all be okay now. Last night, I wasn't so sure.
-Angela
Did a lot of communicating with Steve. He made a promise about laying off the game and being more productive. I'm a little nervous about whether or not he'll follow through, and so that's the downside. But the upside is that we made up and I feel better. I won't add power to my fear about him not following through. Apparently he didn't "realize it was such a big thing to me." And when he read Sammantha's post about how it's an "escape to reality," in which I had already asked him about previously, because I've heard of such things before... he just replied, "that's not it. I just enjoy the game. A lot."
And when I mentioned being upset enough to be thinking about going so far as leaving him, he acted as though I had never communicated what a big deal it was to me. Apparently breaking down is not enough to get across that it was a big DEAL to me. *shrugs* Whatever. So, having spelled it out simply, that I had even begun to think about leaving him. Although, of all seriousness -- I don't think that could ever happen anyway. Especially when I start thinking rationally. When I mentioned the thoughts had been crossing my mind to him, he immediately went to the, "it's only a game, and I would stop if it meant that were to happen." Which is good. In fact, I've already seen an improvement on his effort. So, because things have improved, I have felt able to open myself sexually to him. And this morning was a very fine session of love making... and needless to say, he re-newed his promise yet again during this time. So, I think things are going to be heading upwards again, as does the waxing days become longer... perhaps we will get stronger, as happens with every rift.
ONwards... Study grouP!!!
The hand parting went lovely. It was lower key and less depressing than a lot of people expected. I haven't once really felt ... depressed about the group coming to an end... BUt I am the sort of person who feels loss at a slow rate. Once I finish something, it generally takes a year or so for that to catch up to me. So, ask me in a year if I've felt upset about it. Maybe I'll say yes!
Lots of socialization. Much fun. I also realized that I really am ready to move on. As I am tolerant to those younger than me, times are ready to learn from someone older, rather than the time I have had, learning from those who are younger. Both is a healthy experience. I'm excited to work with Bobby.
Cheryl and I practiced our staff routine. I am feeling good about that. THat'll be so fun. I am still tacking down my invoke. I have all my ritual lines, which is good. Ummm... pizza... gifts... presentations that I didn't feel particularly driven to listen to for one reason or the other. Things I've already heard or learned elsewhere, so my attention strayed. I went on and droned on about grounding and centering... particularly stressing these ideas to the newbies. That went well enough.
Anyway. I think that covers it. Lots of fun. Had fun with namely Inna... she's so crazy. I love to listen to her Russian, and I love to emulate her and totally butcher the words. Poor Inna. I harrass her so much. But she's just going to have to get used to it!!! muahahhaahaaa. Anyway. Must have Steve time now! And get ready to go to Joshua's party. STEVE'S COMING. We're getting Cheryl and Cristin. YEAY YEAY YEAY! And I am relieved about my Steve situation. I really think it'll all be okay now. Last night, I wasn't so sure.
-Angela
