angelak | Keep your head up, yo - To run like Shadowfax... (Reply)

Sooooo.
It's been a bit too long since I last posted anything. Or really had an opportunity to read my friends list.
But it doesn't mean I'm not out here. Living and breathing and trying to stay on top of all the things that mean the most to me. It amazes me how hard times tend to consume parts of my mentality.

Got a new scale because I'm up a few pounds. I figured I'd switch while I was weighing more so if there was a variance, it would be less annoying. There wasn't – this makes me a bit cheery.
Eating 8,000 muffins on Sunday didn't help my plight to get back to my favorite physical place.

I'm resolved to cook at home more, plan my meals better, and not eat tons of scraps. In other good news: I got sick of waiting for my physical therapist to call me back. I had a few consecutive non work out days last week. This isn't particularly like me, even on the injured bench.
The knee is improving. It's more resilient and doesn't aggravate me with AS many little things. I still avoid the things that have been known to give me major setbacks: uneven terrain, strange angles – stairs. Carrying lots of weight.

I have a new awareness. Things I used to ignore become “danger” signs. I refuse to reinjure again on something stupid like an uneven pile of Jim's clothing, funky grass sinkholes, or wiping my ass using the toilet. (Strange angles and pressure on the knee). Funny how things become “danger” signs when you've been burned, eh?

So anyhow. Back to the therapist not calling me back. Well, they keep asking me if I have “ran” even when they tell me not to. So at long last - I was using the E machine yesterday when I chose to go for it. I went for a slow run. About a mile and a quarter at 6mph, inclined. It just felt good to feel my body in the motions. My lungs were like, “jeah, kid. You've been on the bench.” But... even with the lungs telling me that I have work ahead, I decided I could devise my own very cautious walk-to-run program if these PT people aren't going to call me this week. I will go in today sometime. Yesterday I was caught up with work and such.

So – with a new scale, added motivation of short runs, continual PT exercises on my own and stretching (I resolve to BE more regular), walks, home cooked meals, more self control – and Jim's continual added support... I think I can get back to where I was a couple of months ago. I again remind myself it isn't a big deal to be up a few lbs considering I have had a longer termed injury and could not run the way I was.

Yesterday I used the elliptical for a while and then ran, and cooled down with the stationary bike and the PT exercises. I was up at 5AM to use the E machine and do my PT exercises. My plan is to either circuit train on lunch, or perhaps later this evening. (I am guessing later this evening, but you never know.) If I can stomach it, I'd like to try more PT exercises whenever I can. I want to build up those surrounding knee muscles and really focus on getting back into the game. I NEED this. I've been doing major roller coaster things. This week I want to see the scale go down a full two pounds.

I am basically treating this like I started all over again from where I was at in April 2007. Refocus, reground, and regain progress. I'm lean and strong and fit right now - I know that. But the way to stay that way is to remember my priorities. First off – at the gym this morning I enjoyed watching a dude lifting 20#ers. Because that's what I lift at home. It made me feel good.

So here's to working out again 5 times a week regularly. Because that is the last piece to the puzzle. Healthier food, more consistent work outs, and a more sound and motivated structure. Even if it means it's a little different right now. Today I was looking the the locker room mirror thinking to myself. So I put the pounds in my stomach like everyone else. What has happened to me right now is that I am beginning to learn that other side that I used to fear so much. Losing my routines and totally losing my faith. But after I come back from all this - I can't help but think I'll be better for knowing what it's like to lose it all for a minute in time.

I have a lot of objectives in life, but right now I'm no longer in a hurry. Not for the sake of my confidants, and not for the sake of losing drive. I already lost drive and now it's just important to keep it in the back of my reality.

I'm still a runner even if I'm injured – that just doesn't go away.
I'm still lean even when I feel like it's all going to shit.

It made me laugh the other day when someone watched me crawling under their desk running cables (awkwardly because I can't move on my knees yet the way I used to). She said, “that's how you stay so trim!” and I just shook my head. “If only it was just that.”

Granted, I cannot wait till I can take all the stairs I want, can walk all over town and not give a flying fuck again – as well as ride my bike for in-town errands. The notion is really beginning to sound ... tempting! And fun. With the nice weather and whatnot.

I am also working hard on not mourning my lost springtime season to the bench. (The injured Bench).
And celebrating that summer is here. I want to go camping soon... but that may be difficult.
And secondarily, I may have to scale my backpacking season to less shiny weather to get out at all. But we'll see. There is always next year I suppose – unfortunately!

So lately I've just been working through my internal demons and come out ahead.
I think very likely while I am on the upswing here, I might as well put together a couple of more solitary rituals to keep my focus clear. A little deity never hurt anyone.

So last night I made beef tenderloin steaks with peppery dijon parsley topping – and corn on the cob.
The corn I bought from Albertson's was lousy, but the steak was delicious and filling.
I also tried my Business Costco Fish Filets for lunch yesterday. Now I remember why I was so into fish early April 2007!!! It tastes just like what Jim and I used to love from Skipper's. So, I told Jim about this and now instead of baked potatoes tonight, it has been requested that we have those fish and chips. So I guess my dinner menu swaps days!!!

Jim also liked the steak. This made me a bit happy. He also liked the pepper dijon rub. I made it separate because I didn't want to waste my steak if he thought the sauce was “interesting,” like sometimes he does and then I wouldn't be upset if he wasn't down with the sauce. (Murphey's law is that if I put it directly on the steak, he'll think it's weird and I'll feel like I wasted my food.)

And lastly, I bought some domain space. Eventually I will be at www.ithisia.com and I am also working on www.jillsanto.com , a website for my sister's professional art work. I have been focusing on her page more than my own for obvious reasons. I want her Natural Science Illustration work to begin and the crappy Target era of her life to slowly wither and die.

For those interested...right now she has it on myspace:
http://www.myspace.com/jyl511 under her photos section (Wildlife Illustration.)
But next I must write a java gallery tool to post the other photos. And that takes attn span. Maybe sometime this week I hope to have some stuff actually up on her site. That is all. Work now!

-Angela