angelak | On the matter of fitness... (Reply)

Time to post some. As regular as a post as I can muster ;)
Well, life at home has been pretty pleasant. I think it is because I'm not so miserable right now. I know our house a little out of sorts; messy. There are some projects I need to attack. Like household laundry organization on a massive level.

And straightening up rooms like the downstairs living room, and the den. And the worst room of all of them is our bedroom. We have a laundry mutiny. I do love our layout. Especially now that I am not terrified to climb stairs and that it isn't causing me pain. That alone has made this $25 week worthwhile in the Yoga. Because I am no longer experiencing the tension in my knees that seemed to cause pain. I know it's not 100%, and I also know it has only been 5 days. Five days, and I already feel like although this is less “intensive” in the regard I normally approach fitness, that it is giving me benefits I can only one day hope to name.

The daily ordeal part is interesting. At times it seems daunting to think I am going to try and make it as often as humanly possible – at other times it seems easier. Right now, I know I've needed some place to put my energy. Aside from just running. This ordeal takes a great amount of time; which right now is great. One day it may place constraints on the rest of my life.

Regardless! For me it is good to have a place to be, something to focus on, and a minimum reason not to scarf random food out of boredom. In that sense, although not a high-burning activity, it helps.
I also discussed with Jim a bit about the “plan.” Not surprisingly, I have always tended to discuss matters of fitness with Jim because he was sort of paid to be fit by the army obviously for 8 years. He also forgets this fact, that just because he has some knowledge, that EVERYBODY else doesn't just know some stuff. :P

Anyways. He said I am one those “irritating” workout people, who puts my all into it basically. He says I constantly push myself, without much ado – harder than is always necessary. But to me, if you're not pushing hard, then it isn't really working out? But that's not what he means at all. He just said I will push myself until I have no more, and then continue trying to push myself.

Which is funny because, come to think on it, once I said he was irritating because he was mister “just enough” workout guy. I know for a fact he was pushed in the army to do this. I figured because I don't HAVE someone to MAKE me do stuff, I just tell MYSELF to do it. The things I've told myself in the past are, if people in varying forms of boot camp can make things happen, so too can I on my own. It doesn't take anything “special” to go above and beyond your best, except the will to do so. The will not to cop out. And in basic, or in everyday army fun, Jim was pushed to this level. It became his will because he didn't want to stand out in the organization.

But we discussed the notion that I tend to hate it when I cannot do this 100%. And the truth is, I don't HAVE to do 100%, every single day of my life with this fitness. I can do a moderate workout and life will carry on. I have trained my brain so hard to crave the hardest workout possible, that when it is less I have to ask myself if that is good “enough.”

I think any form of activity IS good. And I have always also taken the stance that any workout, is better than no workout, and to appreciate in the best of my abilities the fact I got out and accomplished any feat at all. (Which also makes it easier to get out and do it).

It was the gentle building upon each workout over time slowly that made things fall into place for me, and I know that. But now that I have to scale back to make sure this 8 month lingering issue goes away, it's a different story. I was just asking him about taking the brief breaks from CT/Running while I get into the swing of the Yoga business, which makes it VERY hard alongside the full time job to support either CT/Running. I am going to have to dig deep to find time and inclination for the rest.

And it may be that one day I have to split things up a bit more. Yikes! Lol.
But for now the Yoga more and the rest less is a way to help me heal. So when I asked him about it, he was like, “you don't HAVE to do 110% every month...”

And mostly the payoff in healing is going to make any sacrifice worth it.
Anyhow. I am remembering that just because I take a few month hiatus, few week hiatus, either – does not mean it is done forever. It's a tough lesson for me. A different kind of patience than I have exhibited in the past. And I know one of the larger lessons I am learning while going to this ridiculous-funky-pose class every day is self patience in the least. You cannot rush yourself with this stuff. But that is easy. I never had much of a struggle to realize that payoffs in the fitness realm take a while to add up.

I learned that one well with both running and CT, and I wasn't exactly looking to learn the lesson. I was just happy to get a workout done in the moment. Nothing has changed with that – and I feel the same way about my new found Yoga practice. I just need to remember to be patient about the rest of life and not to fear so very much.

After class was great last night. But I also recognized that I was letting go of some career fears too.
And the other thing? I remember at the final savasana she said to imagine something that makes you smile. To me, it was running. And it was bittersweet. Because so much did it make me naturally smile that I know... I'm still bound to that path.

Either way. Like I said. Flexibility never hurt anybody. Nor patience, focus, and self control. Core strength in runners does things that I have yet come to realize. Who KNOWS where this could take me performance wise. Especially considering my leg muscles are surely going to be stronger no matter what – after my goal of practicing regular Yoga for some goodness knows how many months. (Most often early on, until one day I balance it out with my other workouts, if that makes sense).

I know I commit to at least 3 months of vigorously regular practice. From there – I evaluate and see where I am at. I cannot possibly imagine.

-Angela