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angelakThe real confession is that Running is always going to be my first love. I know that soon that will perhaps be eclipsed by the fact that I am going to do a crazy 9 week program, and the yoga-centricity (my own word) is huge. I mean 24/7 yoga virtually. Which is AWESOME! Do not get me wrong. But I am consistently reminded of my first love. And on my run last night, a lot of thoughts came about.
It had been some time since I had been out pounding the pavement and deep with my thoughts. No one get me wrong – I do really enjoy Yoga. But it was, and most likely will always be #2. Someone has to be #2, right? I began pondering on why that is. Why I have an intense love for running?
When I run, I’m free. I mean truly free in a sense of how I ask myself to do it, and what it is that I am demanding on my mind. I’m not saying I don’t work hard, and that some runs aren’t harder than others. I’m not saying I mosey along and am not pushing myself. I push myself pretty much every time. It’s just that I am free of my body and what it looks like (which is huge to me) and I am free to let my mind wander and sort things out without demanding that I do things a certain way.
Yoga is not like this. I ask myself to stop thinking. I ask myself to do things XYZ ways. I ask myself to be better, do better, find the edge, blahblah. That’s a part of Yoga. On a run, if I don’t feel like finding my edge, I can back off – chill out, and find myself deep in reverie. There’s no “keep your mind right here, this way.” The restriction – as it were, is non-existent. Something about moving my body in the ways that running requires also makes me very, very content. Yoga alleviates a lot of other mental pressures. But it is not the same as my first love.
I know this is crazy, as today is the official 1 month away from leaving for Yoga Boot Camp - ;) But these thoughts were swirling around in my head as I ran last night. I did something that meant a lot to me last night after the Concert on the Green (filmed it). I ran to that point that for months when I was a new runner in 2006 – I spent months getting to. I decided I’d just go run to the end of Gilman from my office, on whim, because I wanted to, because I missed running, because I needed to get away from my worries and pre-occupations surrounding yoga. In Yoga, I am always now aware that this is where I need to try my best because soon I will be somewhere where the ante is upped in Bikram’s hot room.
So while in days past, the Yoga has been sort of “look, it’s just Yoga, do your best every day, get 100% benefits” blahblah ;) There’s an under-current to my practice that says “looming future ahead. Be mindful of what you’re doing here.” No longer a manic monkey screaming at the top of it’s little lungs in my head like it was in early July – there’s a smaller whisper beyond the stronger voice saying, “PRESENT. NOW. NOT 2 MONTHS FROM NOW. NOW. RIGHT NOW.”
It says, “Look, Angela – you still can’t lock out the knee for 60 seconds.” “Look, your hips are so tight in Triangle. Silly runner… stop running and come 7 times per week…….”
7 times per week isn’t where it’s at for me right now, for whatever reason. I just can’t stomach immersing myself pre-training. It was no big deal in 2009 for me to do that. But 2011, circa pre training… I think my heart of hearts knows that I will be fine. I will rise to any challenge that hits my path in Los Angeles.
So I the thoughts that also came to me were that running is always going to be 100% for me. There’s no question. But this yoga teaching journey… that’s what I want to give to people. That is not for me. It’s not that it isn’t for me at all, I know I will grow and that I will love every part of it (nearly). But the running, I love it because I go out and I’m aware that it’s all me. Me, me, me. No sorting the chores at home, No commuting (much) to do it. No demands on how or what. It’s just, me. Me and my shoes and my feet and my knees and my arms and my abs and my breath and the World around me enveloping every step.
As for dialogue. I’ve got a nice handle on Half Moon. I have not much else past that – but I’m really not panicked. I realize my path may not be as rested as others in training… what can I say. It isn’t that I don’t know how to memorize at this point. It is merely a matter of carving my focus into the time I do have. It no longer serves me to worry profusely about it, so I’ve decided against that. The big important factor is that I have half moon, so that in front of Bikram and the congregation of 400-500 people, I have something solid to back against. Other that that – well, whatever will be will become obvious in a little over a month.
Today is August 17th, and September 17th is officially my last day here in Washington for 9 weeks. Not sure what to make of that ;) The run helped me settle any (1 month) away nerves.
The run exposed beautiful night air, and I went to my old benchmark “furthest” point from 2008. I have not been running that far lately, but last night I wanted it. I made up my mind and just went. I listened to my knees and slowed after the second half, and today they are fine. It gave me 2 things. Belief in myself about listening to my knees. And respect for myself realizing that I am just as fit as I was in my past – even if I have bigger hips. It’s okay. And every step was valuable to me.
Oh yeah. And it gives me hope; someday - I *will* run further.
To a certain degree, the breath of my life really is enhanced with running. Without it - I can live and be okay. But with it, my efficiency goes up. Which is similar to Yoga also.
That’s all I got.
-Angela
It had been some time since I had been out pounding the pavement and deep with my thoughts. No one get me wrong – I do really enjoy Yoga. But it was, and most likely will always be #2. Someone has to be #2, right? I began pondering on why that is. Why I have an intense love for running?
When I run, I’m free. I mean truly free in a sense of how I ask myself to do it, and what it is that I am demanding on my mind. I’m not saying I don’t work hard, and that some runs aren’t harder than others. I’m not saying I mosey along and am not pushing myself. I push myself pretty much every time. It’s just that I am free of my body and what it looks like (which is huge to me) and I am free to let my mind wander and sort things out without demanding that I do things a certain way.
Yoga is not like this. I ask myself to stop thinking. I ask myself to do things XYZ ways. I ask myself to be better, do better, find the edge, blahblah. That’s a part of Yoga. On a run, if I don’t feel like finding my edge, I can back off – chill out, and find myself deep in reverie. There’s no “keep your mind right here, this way.” The restriction – as it were, is non-existent. Something about moving my body in the ways that running requires also makes me very, very content. Yoga alleviates a lot of other mental pressures. But it is not the same as my first love.
I know this is crazy, as today is the official 1 month away from leaving for Yoga Boot Camp - ;) But these thoughts were swirling around in my head as I ran last night. I did something that meant a lot to me last night after the Concert on the Green (filmed it). I ran to that point that for months when I was a new runner in 2006 – I spent months getting to. I decided I’d just go run to the end of Gilman from my office, on whim, because I wanted to, because I missed running, because I needed to get away from my worries and pre-occupations surrounding yoga. In Yoga, I am always now aware that this is where I need to try my best because soon I will be somewhere where the ante is upped in Bikram’s hot room.
So while in days past, the Yoga has been sort of “look, it’s just Yoga, do your best every day, get 100% benefits” blahblah ;) There’s an under-current to my practice that says “looming future ahead. Be mindful of what you’re doing here.” No longer a manic monkey screaming at the top of it’s little lungs in my head like it was in early July – there’s a smaller whisper beyond the stronger voice saying, “PRESENT. NOW. NOT 2 MONTHS FROM NOW. NOW. RIGHT NOW.”
It says, “Look, Angela – you still can’t lock out the knee for 60 seconds.” “Look, your hips are so tight in Triangle. Silly runner… stop running and come 7 times per week…….”
7 times per week isn’t where it’s at for me right now, for whatever reason. I just can’t stomach immersing myself pre-training. It was no big deal in 2009 for me to do that. But 2011, circa pre training… I think my heart of hearts knows that I will be fine. I will rise to any challenge that hits my path in Los Angeles.
So I the thoughts that also came to me were that running is always going to be 100% for me. There’s no question. But this yoga teaching journey… that’s what I want to give to people. That is not for me. It’s not that it isn’t for me at all, I know I will grow and that I will love every part of it (nearly). But the running, I love it because I go out and I’m aware that it’s all me. Me, me, me. No sorting the chores at home, No commuting (much) to do it. No demands on how or what. It’s just, me. Me and my shoes and my feet and my knees and my arms and my abs and my breath and the World around me enveloping every step.
As for dialogue. I’ve got a nice handle on Half Moon. I have not much else past that – but I’m really not panicked. I realize my path may not be as rested as others in training… what can I say. It isn’t that I don’t know how to memorize at this point. It is merely a matter of carving my focus into the time I do have. It no longer serves me to worry profusely about it, so I’ve decided against that. The big important factor is that I have half moon, so that in front of Bikram and the congregation of 400-500 people, I have something solid to back against. Other that that – well, whatever will be will become obvious in a little over a month.
Today is August 17th, and September 17th is officially my last day here in Washington for 9 weeks. Not sure what to make of that ;) The run helped me settle any (1 month) away nerves.
The run exposed beautiful night air, and I went to my old benchmark “furthest” point from 2008. I have not been running that far lately, but last night I wanted it. I made up my mind and just went. I listened to my knees and slowed after the second half, and today they are fine. It gave me 2 things. Belief in myself about listening to my knees. And respect for myself realizing that I am just as fit as I was in my past – even if I have bigger hips. It’s okay. And every step was valuable to me.
Oh yeah. And it gives me hope; someday - I *will* run further.
To a certain degree, the breath of my life really is enhanced with running. Without it - I can live and be okay. But with it, my efficiency goes up. Which is similar to Yoga also.
That’s all I got.
-Angela
