Topic of the morning: Unemployment.
Jun. 11th, 2004 07:58 am![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
angelakThis is my rant. I hate age-ism.
I'm so blessed to have my job. I think about it all the time. I don't take it for granted.
I felt like crying, just a minute ago. It was annoyance. I don’t think I’ve had anyone hit me in a place like that quite in the same context before. It was TV Tim. Normally it’s fine. We went to get coffee together. He ended the trip in probably the worst way possible.
We were talking about employment basically. He somehow got into the position to tell me I hadn’t faced unemployment. You know when it’s not that big of a deal, but when it hits you just in the wrong sensitive place? Totally happened today. I freaked out. Well, inside anyway. I guess it hurt when he said, “You’re 19, how could you possibly know about unemployment?” And meant it, with all seriousness. I knew, vaguely –what his context was. I know it was me personally, having a work history of 3 years, would hardly know unemployment if you were looking at it from that standpoint. But this goes back to Cheryl not knowing what her parents DO exactly, and perhaps why my interest in parental jobs and jobs at all is even existent.
Let’s just say this. I was so overcome with momentary anger, or hurt, or whatever that was…. That as soon as I came to sit down at my desk, I just wanted to cry. It was hard. My voice seemed tensioned and I wanted to speak, to show him it was no big deal. But it was a big deal. He noticed I had slammed the door and muttered to myself when he was getting equipment. I hate being emotionally moved to this degree. It’s like I no longer have control over it. I don’t think anyone has pushed me this far at work before.
Bizarre. I just wanted to hide that this hurt me, but it made me so angry that he didn’t understand. Of course, Tim is relatively reasonable. He noticed it had hit me like that. He was again, the bullshitty diplomatic Tim that I can see past anyway. But it was good he approached it the way he did.
I explained to him that just because I’m 19 doesn’t mean I haven’t had experience with it. Because not having enough food, having to live with grandparents in a tiny house and 8 people because we had no where else to go… memories of the food bank…. Memories of those stupid food drives for the food bank in grade school, and memories of the stress. I don’t know. Seems a lot of experience, that I had by the time I was 6 or 7 years old, let alone 19.
It’s painful to watch parents struggle like this. Especially when you barely understand why or what it is. It’s something that you go through life, pretty much feeling shameful about. Even now, shame comes to mind when I think of the lack of money, the lack of resources, and having to use DSHS and the food bank, and all of these things. That automatic shame.
So his instant assumption that I’ve never experienced it… just filled me with such emotion. It wasn’t just the words he said, it was again, more HOW he said. With the offhanded demeanor that 19 year olds haven’t been around long enough to feel those things. What the hell.
I basically told him there’s a reason why I’m 19 and in the position I am. I am a driven person…. Yes… but for a lot of reasons. That’s one of them. I never want to face the struggle my parents faced. Another reason why I also don’t want children. [One of the many! Teehee].
I feel better. Tim completely apologized, and he was very good about it. But for that 3 minutes, I just went into sensitive mode. He had no idea. I told him the story about when I was born… how I was induced because my dad lost his job the week before, and they wanted to get it before the health insurance ran out. Or the fact that my dad faced lay-offs or downsizing every 2 years or so. That’s rough. Cheryl’s dad has had his job for 15 years! Steve’s dad has had his job for 30-35 years. Look at them. They both have beautiful houses and are comfortable, and their children didn’t EXPERIENCE unemployment. That’s pretty awesome.
Unfortunately not everyone is that fortunate. When a parent experiences severe cases of unemployment, I’ll be the first one to say… so do their kids. It can be very impressionable.
-Angela
I'm so blessed to have my job. I think about it all the time. I don't take it for granted.
I felt like crying, just a minute ago. It was annoyance. I don’t think I’ve had anyone hit me in a place like that quite in the same context before. It was TV Tim. Normally it’s fine. We went to get coffee together. He ended the trip in probably the worst way possible.
We were talking about employment basically. He somehow got into the position to tell me I hadn’t faced unemployment. You know when it’s not that big of a deal, but when it hits you just in the wrong sensitive place? Totally happened today. I freaked out. Well, inside anyway. I guess it hurt when he said, “You’re 19, how could you possibly know about unemployment?” And meant it, with all seriousness. I knew, vaguely –what his context was. I know it was me personally, having a work history of 3 years, would hardly know unemployment if you were looking at it from that standpoint. But this goes back to Cheryl not knowing what her parents DO exactly, and perhaps why my interest in parental jobs and jobs at all is even existent.
Let’s just say this. I was so overcome with momentary anger, or hurt, or whatever that was…. That as soon as I came to sit down at my desk, I just wanted to cry. It was hard. My voice seemed tensioned and I wanted to speak, to show him it was no big deal. But it was a big deal. He noticed I had slammed the door and muttered to myself when he was getting equipment. I hate being emotionally moved to this degree. It’s like I no longer have control over it. I don’t think anyone has pushed me this far at work before.
Bizarre. I just wanted to hide that this hurt me, but it made me so angry that he didn’t understand. Of course, Tim is relatively reasonable. He noticed it had hit me like that. He was again, the bullshitty diplomatic Tim that I can see past anyway. But it was good he approached it the way he did.
I explained to him that just because I’m 19 doesn’t mean I haven’t had experience with it. Because not having enough food, having to live with grandparents in a tiny house and 8 people because we had no where else to go… memories of the food bank…. Memories of those stupid food drives for the food bank in grade school, and memories of the stress. I don’t know. Seems a lot of experience, that I had by the time I was 6 or 7 years old, let alone 19.
It’s painful to watch parents struggle like this. Especially when you barely understand why or what it is. It’s something that you go through life, pretty much feeling shameful about. Even now, shame comes to mind when I think of the lack of money, the lack of resources, and having to use DSHS and the food bank, and all of these things. That automatic shame.
So his instant assumption that I’ve never experienced it… just filled me with such emotion. It wasn’t just the words he said, it was again, more HOW he said. With the offhanded demeanor that 19 year olds haven’t been around long enough to feel those things. What the hell.
I basically told him there’s a reason why I’m 19 and in the position I am. I am a driven person…. Yes… but for a lot of reasons. That’s one of them. I never want to face the struggle my parents faced. Another reason why I also don’t want children. [One of the many! Teehee].
I feel better. Tim completely apologized, and he was very good about it. But for that 3 minutes, I just went into sensitive mode. He had no idea. I told him the story about when I was born… how I was induced because my dad lost his job the week before, and they wanted to get it before the health insurance ran out. Or the fact that my dad faced lay-offs or downsizing every 2 years or so. That’s rough. Cheryl’s dad has had his job for 15 years! Steve’s dad has had his job for 30-35 years. Look at them. They both have beautiful houses and are comfortable, and their children didn’t EXPERIENCE unemployment. That’s pretty awesome.
Unfortunately not everyone is that fortunate. When a parent experiences severe cases of unemployment, I’ll be the first one to say… so do their kids. It can be very impressionable.
-Angela
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no subject
Date: 2004-06-11 09:14 am (UTC)Though I had a single parent family, my mom worked her ass off for me. I never went without, she's been employed with the same company for...I think 15 years now. Though we didn't live in luxury, I never went without...I always had food, clothes when I needed new ones, decent birthday and Christmas gifts...
I hope I never have to face unemployment. It sounds like a really scary thing. >_
no subject
Date: 2004-06-11 12:49 pm (UTC)Re: We've talked about this before but I felt like bringing it up again...
Date: 2004-06-11 04:34 pm (UTC)Usually I try not to let it affect me so I don't think about it too much, but I remember overhearing my parents conversation once about a year ago when trying to fall asleep (or my mom said something? Im not sure).. and I ended up just laying in bed crying.
It's hard.. knowing that you have to make in on your own and, while your parents will be behind you all they can (usually just in their hopes/love/etc).. they can't help you financially. *sigh*
no subject
Date: 2004-06-12 12:15 am (UTC)