![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
angelakSo, I’ll give this my best shot at updating.
Yeay for cool people who added Steve to their friends lists. Seriously. If there’s a way to draw him into the community, slowly but surely, LJ is certainly a start.
I’m afraid of him joining and delving into the community. Never the less, I want him to be closer to me and the community just the same. For a few reasons. But one of them mostly is concerned with immediate skeptical-ness of my whole culture and love in life. What if he enters and totally scoffs at it and tells me everything I believe is wrong? I don’t want to hear that. It scares me on that level.
Yes, I know. It’s not that big of a deal. But it does lend me to wonder.
Yesterday was really okay. I got off work expecting to relax with Steve. We got into an instant “discussion,” over all of it again. I panicked again and got ultimately frustrated, and it made me slightly late to Red Robin.
Once I got there, I felt just like Inna. It was less fun than other outings because the seating made it impossible to really key in on one conversation. It was okay. The food didn’t impress me, I didn’t get anything to drink because I convinced myself not to. Should have gotten Strawberry lemonaide.. but who needs all that sugar...I certainly don't.
Gah. I spent $10 for a meal and came home hungry. Inna tried to get a ride, but I had promised Steve from the bottom of my heart that I wouldn’t give anyone a ride to or fro this time. Besides, driving Inna to Bellevue and back from Factoria, when my home is a 10 minute drive from there.... adds a whole hour onto my drive. Not to mention another 30 miles on my gas tank. Sometimes, when I’m headed that way or I have ample time and my relationship doesn’t feel like it’s on it’s brink... well, then it’s okay. But for all intensive purposes... there are times Inna can find another way home.
It felt nice to leave a function and then be HOME and not have to worry about anyone else. I’ve been amply generous on rides for nearly 2 years. That takes time, energy, and gas. No big deal most of the time, I don’t ask too much in return....most of the time I really enjoy doing it. But there are nights like last night, where driving another hour would probably have killed me.
So I left feeling slightly bad, but got over it 10 minutes later when I found flowers taped to my front door, with a poem in the middle. I read it and went inside. There were a series of flowers taped in various places, and a total of 7 different poems Steve had written for me.
Suddenly I was thankful I hadn’t given Inna a ride. We got along, that evening. I was hungry still and demanded Dairy Queen for desert. So we went there. And ate and talked and hung out. It was a blessing to relax.
We went home. I think I got tired or something.... but that was that.
*sighs*
I haven’t gotten a good chance to speak to Cheryl. It sucks.
I tried to at RR, but it didn’t happen. She’s completely out of my loop of life, and I feel as though I’m not really involved in hers. This isn’t a good sign to me. I did note she made an effort so that I could go riding with them Thursday—and next Tuesday will be Angela-catch-up day with pronouncing things. *sighs* My head throbs. As long as I don’t get frustrated. Her know-it-all mannerisms make me want to slit my wrists sometimes. But I can’t afford to go to anyone else--- and I NEED to get back on track with her. I hate myself so much sometimes. But so does everyone. I’m unique, like everyone else.
BLeh. I’m not sad. These are just things that are constant.
So that was that. I would say these things to Cheryl in person, but this is the first time I’ve actually begun to even realize I feel this way. Well—more accurately on Tuesday night, for the 2nd time in a row.
S’all good. Not REALLY a big deal. I just need to learn to take a goddamned chill pill. I’m all uptight these days. I was always more laid back... look where I am now! Ugh. Stupid uptight Angela. Needs to go to hell and die.
-Angela
PS--- LIANNA-- Never you worry! I REMEMBER SATURDAY NOW ALL THE WAY! HOW THE FUCK COULD I FORGET?????@_%*@()UJVDKL
Yeay for cool people who added Steve to their friends lists. Seriously. If there’s a way to draw him into the community, slowly but surely, LJ is certainly a start.
I’m afraid of him joining and delving into the community. Never the less, I want him to be closer to me and the community just the same. For a few reasons. But one of them mostly is concerned with immediate skeptical-ness of my whole culture and love in life. What if he enters and totally scoffs at it and tells me everything I believe is wrong? I don’t want to hear that. It scares me on that level.
Yes, I know. It’s not that big of a deal. But it does lend me to wonder.
Yesterday was really okay. I got off work expecting to relax with Steve. We got into an instant “discussion,” over all of it again. I panicked again and got ultimately frustrated, and it made me slightly late to Red Robin.
Once I got there, I felt just like Inna. It was less fun than other outings because the seating made it impossible to really key in on one conversation. It was okay. The food didn’t impress me, I didn’t get anything to drink because I convinced myself not to. Should have gotten Strawberry lemonaide.. but who needs all that sugar...I certainly don't.
Gah. I spent $10 for a meal and came home hungry. Inna tried to get a ride, but I had promised Steve from the bottom of my heart that I wouldn’t give anyone a ride to or fro this time. Besides, driving Inna to Bellevue and back from Factoria, when my home is a 10 minute drive from there.... adds a whole hour onto my drive. Not to mention another 30 miles on my gas tank. Sometimes, when I’m headed that way or I have ample time and my relationship doesn’t feel like it’s on it’s brink... well, then it’s okay. But for all intensive purposes... there are times Inna can find another way home.
It felt nice to leave a function and then be HOME and not have to worry about anyone else. I’ve been amply generous on rides for nearly 2 years. That takes time, energy, and gas. No big deal most of the time, I don’t ask too much in return....most of the time I really enjoy doing it. But there are nights like last night, where driving another hour would probably have killed me.
So I left feeling slightly bad, but got over it 10 minutes later when I found flowers taped to my front door, with a poem in the middle. I read it and went inside. There were a series of flowers taped in various places, and a total of 7 different poems Steve had written for me.
Suddenly I was thankful I hadn’t given Inna a ride. We got along, that evening. I was hungry still and demanded Dairy Queen for desert. So we went there. And ate and talked and hung out. It was a blessing to relax.
We went home. I think I got tired or something.... but that was that.
*sighs*
I haven’t gotten a good chance to speak to Cheryl. It sucks.
I tried to at RR, but it didn’t happen. She’s completely out of my loop of life, and I feel as though I’m not really involved in hers. This isn’t a good sign to me. I did note she made an effort so that I could go riding with them Thursday—and next Tuesday will be Angela-catch-up day with pronouncing things. *sighs* My head throbs. As long as I don’t get frustrated. Her know-it-all mannerisms make me want to slit my wrists sometimes. But I can’t afford to go to anyone else--- and I NEED to get back on track with her. I hate myself so much sometimes. But so does everyone. I’m unique, like everyone else.
BLeh. I’m not sad. These are just things that are constant.
So that was that. I would say these things to Cheryl in person, but this is the first time I’ve actually begun to even realize I feel this way. Well—more accurately on Tuesday night, for the 2nd time in a row.
S’all good. Not REALLY a big deal. I just need to learn to take a goddamned chill pill. I’m all uptight these days. I was always more laid back... look where I am now! Ugh. Stupid uptight Angela. Needs to go to hell and die.
-Angela
PS--- LIANNA-- Never you worry! I REMEMBER SATURDAY NOW ALL THE WAY! HOW THE FUCK COULD I FORGET?????@_%*@()UJVDKL
