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angelakAight. Jeah. This is cryptic.
Ever feel like one day you woke up from a dream [nightmare?] and nothing was the same in real life? That’s what I feel like. I feel like I’m out of place somehow. Like all the things that were important to me are shifting and like there’s not a damned thing I can do. That doesn't often happen: rarely do I *FEEL* like there's nothing I can do.
I have so many things that I am happy for. I have so many things going on that are beneficial. And at the same time, things are spinning in a different direction and I feel as though I am being pushed into another plane. Further and further away from some things that once were so dear to me.
No matter how hard I’ve been trying; I am still no closer to what used to be than before. Limitations on time and ability to be a part of anything. People can tell me I’m important and show they care; but in the end, I am still separated from the deep level of communication and relation. I’ll always have several levels of things that make me unable to be there.
Perhaps these frustrations and stresses carry over into my home life. Why I feel like even though I’m sitting here on vacation; trying to rest; that I’m being pressured by Steve, pressured by any of it. I don’t have the freedom to pick up and be a part of certain things. I’m beginning to feel like the lost cause.
I’m happy and depressed all at once. Wee.
-Angela
Ever feel like one day you woke up from a dream [nightmare?] and nothing was the same in real life? That’s what I feel like. I feel like I’m out of place somehow. Like all the things that were important to me are shifting and like there’s not a damned thing I can do. That doesn't often happen: rarely do I *FEEL* like there's nothing I can do.
I have so many things that I am happy for. I have so many things going on that are beneficial. And at the same time, things are spinning in a different direction and I feel as though I am being pushed into another plane. Further and further away from some things that once were so dear to me.
No matter how hard I’ve been trying; I am still no closer to what used to be than before. Limitations on time and ability to be a part of anything. People can tell me I’m important and show they care; but in the end, I am still separated from the deep level of communication and relation. I’ll always have several levels of things that make me unable to be there.
Perhaps these frustrations and stresses carry over into my home life. Why I feel like even though I’m sitting here on vacation; trying to rest; that I’m being pressured by Steve, pressured by any of it. I don’t have the freedom to pick up and be a part of certain things. I’m beginning to feel like the lost cause.
I’m happy and depressed all at once. Wee.
-Angela
