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Morning of Concentric Circles
Dec. 27th, 2003 08:21 amI sit here, showered. As I woke early this morning, the words of that invoke flowed through my mind. As I had been so apprehensive of not having the last few lines of it down, it seemed to come to me as if the gods themselves knew that was what I wanted. I seem to have it down. I am so thrilled at this, as I didn't spend as much time on the invoke as I did my ritual lines, and I didn't spend as much time as I normally like to give myself with memorization, as I am slow in that way.
I am ready. I am ready to present, all I need is the last rehearsals and that sort. S King will come and meet me there tonight, around 7:30... I am so glad. I have not seen my dear friend in so long. Perhaps now my life will permit that I actually make him a part of it. It feels as though the universe pushed him out of my grasp. And now I can only remember of many phonecalls when I was so much younger and less involved in the world itself.. All I can think of is the laughter. And I try to forget the hurt that I caused, and I try to forget the stupid youthful mistakes I made. Irresponsible I was. Downright. I thank the gods that he does not bring it up. But truly, as I think back, through the hours of phone conversation, and the meetings, which were then so stressed for me.... and now I can see him care-free of my parents finding out about my several year older than me friend. All my life I have been around those who are older than me. Even was I was quite young. I am happy to see him. I hope I see him !!! '
As Oloteas and it's laid back demeanor is, it'll be a perfect time to spend time with him. As long as I take some time to chill out with just him. I am ready for the ritual and eager to leave the house. It is 8:30 soon... and I leave to get Inna at 9:30... For some reason, Inna seems so dear to me lately. As I chat with her online and break into her true person. As if that person I saw and met over a year ago was someone else... I am eager to see her do well in the ritual, shy as she is. I can see her projecting, I can see her doing excellent. It's all in my mind's eye. And of course, I get to see Bobby...
It seems only a year ago I was thirsting to be recognized by folks at Oloteas because no one knew me. It is quite a different story now, and I feel so involved. I am glad. It was my first Oloteas a year ago... Concentric Circles. How things have shifted, changed. I am so glad for that change. Everything that has occured to me this year has really felt beneficial. So much growth. I think, as I am now grounded, away from Julie and her uncentered energy.... perhaps I will write and see what response comes to me... I am afraid, but I must FACE MY FEARS, as a good friend, Lianna, would say. Lianna's stay was too brief. If only she lived near me. Perhaps it is for the best that she is further away, elsewise the universe would not cast such out. It is meant to be. Just as Kelsi's distance is meant to be. I must face the truth. I am not her best friend anymore. I must start anew. She is not the same Kelsi I once knew. I must start anew, and realize, if I am anything to her at all, it will be a mere aquantance. Can I handle that? Well. Yes. I think so. As long as I do not have to endure Travis.
I had a dream about Travis. He was in his bed, just getting up. He was alone. And he had just moved, as they surely have just moved. And he said to me, "I can sleep in everyday until 2:00!" and I just scoffed at it, of sorts. And I remember him getting up and being excited about that. And that was my dream.
There are issues in my heart and in my soul with this still. As everything else seems relatively smooth, if this were not here, there would be no balance. I just hope in my deepest heart that this will resolve itself and I will be able to talk to at least Kelsi. I fear facing Travis. I have not spoke to him since I got the position over him. That was the last day. My heart is vibrating with uncertain energy. I can feel it projecting out of my chest, I can feel it. Perhaps it is my Chakra. Ah well. I am ready for Oloteas and Concentric Circles. I am ready for so much.
Perhaps 2004 will bring me the answers to these dark and frightening questions that swirl around and dance within my head. Perhaps Mel will finally know me again. I do not know why I am so attached to those people of that era of my life. It is that when I have a friend, they are dear to me. They cannot leave my heart that easily. Neh. Lianna=good. She won't give up. I must be like her? Or has the trust been destroyed forever?
-Angela
I am ready. I am ready to present, all I need is the last rehearsals and that sort. S King will come and meet me there tonight, around 7:30... I am so glad. I have not seen my dear friend in so long. Perhaps now my life will permit that I actually make him a part of it. It feels as though the universe pushed him out of my grasp. And now I can only remember of many phonecalls when I was so much younger and less involved in the world itself.. All I can think of is the laughter. And I try to forget the hurt that I caused, and I try to forget the stupid youthful mistakes I made. Irresponsible I was. Downright. I thank the gods that he does not bring it up. But truly, as I think back, through the hours of phone conversation, and the meetings, which were then so stressed for me.... and now I can see him care-free of my parents finding out about my several year older than me friend. All my life I have been around those who are older than me. Even was I was quite young. I am happy to see him. I hope I see him !!! '
As Oloteas and it's laid back demeanor is, it'll be a perfect time to spend time with him. As long as I take some time to chill out with just him. I am ready for the ritual and eager to leave the house. It is 8:30 soon... and I leave to get Inna at 9:30... For some reason, Inna seems so dear to me lately. As I chat with her online and break into her true person. As if that person I saw and met over a year ago was someone else... I am eager to see her do well in the ritual, shy as she is. I can see her projecting, I can see her doing excellent. It's all in my mind's eye. And of course, I get to see Bobby...
It seems only a year ago I was thirsting to be recognized by folks at Oloteas because no one knew me. It is quite a different story now, and I feel so involved. I am glad. It was my first Oloteas a year ago... Concentric Circles. How things have shifted, changed. I am so glad for that change. Everything that has occured to me this year has really felt beneficial. So much growth. I think, as I am now grounded, away from Julie and her uncentered energy.... perhaps I will write and see what response comes to me... I am afraid, but I must FACE MY FEARS, as a good friend, Lianna, would say. Lianna's stay was too brief. If only she lived near me. Perhaps it is for the best that she is further away, elsewise the universe would not cast such out. It is meant to be. Just as Kelsi's distance is meant to be. I must face the truth. I am not her best friend anymore. I must start anew. She is not the same Kelsi I once knew. I must start anew, and realize, if I am anything to her at all, it will be a mere aquantance. Can I handle that? Well. Yes. I think so. As long as I do not have to endure Travis.
I had a dream about Travis. He was in his bed, just getting up. He was alone. And he had just moved, as they surely have just moved. And he said to me, "I can sleep in everyday until 2:00!" and I just scoffed at it, of sorts. And I remember him getting up and being excited about that. And that was my dream.
There are issues in my heart and in my soul with this still. As everything else seems relatively smooth, if this were not here, there would be no balance. I just hope in my deepest heart that this will resolve itself and I will be able to talk to at least Kelsi. I fear facing Travis. I have not spoke to him since I got the position over him. That was the last day. My heart is vibrating with uncertain energy. I can feel it projecting out of my chest, I can feel it. Perhaps it is my Chakra. Ah well. I am ready for Oloteas and Concentric Circles. I am ready for so much.
Perhaps 2004 will bring me the answers to these dark and frightening questions that swirl around and dance within my head. Perhaps Mel will finally know me again. I do not know why I am so attached to those people of that era of my life. It is that when I have a friend, they are dear to me. They cannot leave my heart that easily. Neh. Lianna=good. She won't give up. I must be like her? Or has the trust been destroyed forever?
-Angela
