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The weekend
Apr. 29th, 2008 09:59 amIt's been quite the month, April.
Been fighting mental demons - been struggling with my maintenance range in my "happy place" weight - been dealing with switching birth controls -
And adding the minor knee injury that I sustained roughly 1.5 nearly 2 weeks ago...
It has been rough on me. If ever before I questioned whether or not I was a runner, I no longer do.
I'm a runner. It's funny because ever since I started running, it was something I didn't want to be a "poser" about.
But now I realize that it is as much a part of me as the hiking and the paganism is. If not stronger than some of those others now... spiritually, physically... mentally.
When I have had to take time off and ramp down, I felt lost without it. Ridiculous to me to think that just a couple of years ago, I didn't have this in my life.
I've never felt this way about something? I'm not sure if I have.
I think in the last year of training I have found a larger part of who I am just by the discipline and the time I have spent pounding pavement. I never thought I'd be that person.
So, I know I'm a runner and hope to be until I die.
Let's see. Friday night we went to the Commander's retirement party.
Saturday was OLOTEAS and just taking it easy with Jim.
Notables about OLOTEAS: My weirdo uncle is ... uh. Becoming a regular? Or something. This wigs me out. I've never been a fan of him. My mom has never been close to him.
But BAM, on random he jumped out of the OLO crowd and said hi. Mindfuck. I wish I could explain, but suffice to say that some family is just ... weird. I think a lot of people have weird family. And not weird in the endearing way - but weird in the uncomfortable way. So, there it is. His name is Stephen - or Steve as we call him, but he is a chode and introduces himself as Ste-fan sometimes. Or something? The grounds are small. It felt like I kept running into weirdo.
The other notable OLO thing. Ritual was pretty good - although I questioned some of the undertones and ritual message.
Crones are not attractive? How would I feel if I was a crone and the metaphor was once again about old people being less appealing than the youthful counterparts?
The message for me was sort of so-so. If I had been a crone and sat through that ritual, it may have slighted my personal feelings, especially if I was transitioning from mother to crone physically and struggling with it.
Too deep into the ritual or what, are my thoughts? Just throwing that out there. Otherwise the concept was pretty good. I did enjoy the May Queen's performance in comical nature.
And to talk about many incredulous looks from spiral dancers watching me sit out!!!! My knee was too great a risk to careleslsy run around in circles with a bunch of people and not know whether they were going to go faster or slower. I also have found this particular ailment is more vulnerable to (side to side movements) and more subtle movements, which I sort of tend to see in spiral dances. The though of doing one scared me for my precious recovery. But I can tell you that several people gave me "looks" in the circle when they saw me sitting out with some of the older folks.
Maybe I appear to healthy when I'm hurt? I'm not one to milk my injuries. I want to carry on and not be molly-coddled over. Sympathy and tons of attention generally tends to grate on me. I am - of course, a daughter spawn of my own mother in certain situations. She has unknowingly and built some very strong invisibility shields to accompany her person. Not good nor bad, and handy in many situations are her own shields.
None the less. I feel my knee is about at 95% healed. I went on my first recovery run in a week and a half yesterday morning. At a mere 2 miles, and a slow pace (10 minute mile) with some hill incline on the treadmill. It was definitely a good feeling to be back and moving. I am, being very cautious as to not push it. It felt great until I carried Rufus up 3 flights of stairs (he doesn't do stairs very well on the up in his old age). I felt it get tender again and began to immediately panic.
Later in the day things got better, especially after I got up, walked around. I do still feel tightness while driving my manual transmission car, but. Far be it for me to stop driving. Classy the Subie is my baby.
Today I feel like my knee is a little MORE stable than yesterday. I plan on circuit training tonight with no free weights for lunges and testing the waters easy on squats.
And no jumping jacks. (I hadn't given it thought till Jim mentioned no jumping jacks.) I will however do my best with arms and situps and all that. And I am happy to report my new found abilities to do real pullups at last. Things are looking up. I can get out and move. I sort of fear in the last week I may have lost arm and lung stamina... but then again, there is nothing I can't train back up to. I just cannot wait till my knee is a bad memory of idle-ness.
No doubt I won't be taking my longer runs for granted - or my ability to push my pace when I eventually heal entirely.
-Angela
Been fighting mental demons - been struggling with my maintenance range in my "happy place" weight - been dealing with switching birth controls -
And adding the minor knee injury that I sustained roughly 1.5 nearly 2 weeks ago...
It has been rough on me. If ever before I questioned whether or not I was a runner, I no longer do.
I'm a runner. It's funny because ever since I started running, it was something I didn't want to be a "poser" about.
But now I realize that it is as much a part of me as the hiking and the paganism is. If not stronger than some of those others now... spiritually, physically... mentally.
When I have had to take time off and ramp down, I felt lost without it. Ridiculous to me to think that just a couple of years ago, I didn't have this in my life.
I've never felt this way about something? I'm not sure if I have.
I think in the last year of training I have found a larger part of who I am just by the discipline and the time I have spent pounding pavement. I never thought I'd be that person.
So, I know I'm a runner and hope to be until I die.
Let's see. Friday night we went to the Commander's retirement party.
Saturday was OLOTEAS and just taking it easy with Jim.
Notables about OLOTEAS: My weirdo uncle is ... uh. Becoming a regular? Or something. This wigs me out. I've never been a fan of him. My mom has never been close to him.
But BAM, on random he jumped out of the OLO crowd and said hi. Mindfuck. I wish I could explain, but suffice to say that some family is just ... weird. I think a lot of people have weird family. And not weird in the endearing way - but weird in the uncomfortable way. So, there it is. His name is Stephen - or Steve as we call him, but he is a chode and introduces himself as Ste-fan sometimes. Or something? The grounds are small. It felt like I kept running into weirdo.
The other notable OLO thing. Ritual was pretty good - although I questioned some of the undertones and ritual message.
Crones are not attractive? How would I feel if I was a crone and the metaphor was once again about old people being less appealing than the youthful counterparts?
The message for me was sort of so-so. If I had been a crone and sat through that ritual, it may have slighted my personal feelings, especially if I was transitioning from mother to crone physically and struggling with it.
Too deep into the ritual or what, are my thoughts? Just throwing that out there. Otherwise the concept was pretty good. I did enjoy the May Queen's performance in comical nature.
And to talk about many incredulous looks from spiral dancers watching me sit out!!!! My knee was too great a risk to careleslsy run around in circles with a bunch of people and not know whether they were going to go faster or slower. I also have found this particular ailment is more vulnerable to (side to side movements) and more subtle movements, which I sort of tend to see in spiral dances. The though of doing one scared me for my precious recovery. But I can tell you that several people gave me "looks" in the circle when they saw me sitting out with some of the older folks.
Maybe I appear to healthy when I'm hurt? I'm not one to milk my injuries. I want to carry on and not be molly-coddled over. Sympathy and tons of attention generally tends to grate on me. I am - of course, a daughter spawn of my own mother in certain situations. She has unknowingly and built some very strong invisibility shields to accompany her person. Not good nor bad, and handy in many situations are her own shields.
None the less. I feel my knee is about at 95% healed. I went on my first recovery run in a week and a half yesterday morning. At a mere 2 miles, and a slow pace (10 minute mile) with some hill incline on the treadmill. It was definitely a good feeling to be back and moving. I am, being very cautious as to not push it. It felt great until I carried Rufus up 3 flights of stairs (he doesn't do stairs very well on the up in his old age). I felt it get tender again and began to immediately panic.
Later in the day things got better, especially after I got up, walked around. I do still feel tightness while driving my manual transmission car, but. Far be it for me to stop driving. Classy the Subie is my baby.
Today I feel like my knee is a little MORE stable than yesterday. I plan on circuit training tonight with no free weights for lunges and testing the waters easy on squats.
And no jumping jacks. (I hadn't given it thought till Jim mentioned no jumping jacks.) I will however do my best with arms and situps and all that. And I am happy to report my new found abilities to do real pullups at last. Things are looking up. I can get out and move. I sort of fear in the last week I may have lost arm and lung stamina... but then again, there is nothing I can't train back up to. I just cannot wait till my knee is a bad memory of idle-ness.
No doubt I won't be taking my longer runs for granted - or my ability to push my pace when I eventually heal entirely.
-Angela
