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This weekend
Dec. 30th, 2008 08:51 amI cut my hair last week. That was silly wasn't it? I don't really like my hair shorter. But Jim mentioned he liked it how I had one haircut once. But they never do cut your hair the same way twice. Now I look at it and I'm like "bleh."
Too late now. I'll deal with it.
It's only hair.
This weekend the wheels fell off of my inspiration. I'm not sure what happened. I sort of hit a depressive funk.
I was wondering if it wasn't people asking me about the things that are very much me when I'm not injured.
It reminded me and made me feel like some sort of poser. (haha, poser, get it - Yoga) nevermind.
So jeah. Koe was curious about what I like about running and how I got started.
Heronguy told A I work out a lot. (In so many words). He said the word "hike," and suddenly I was reminded of all the months of hiking outdoors that I've been held back from and it was a bittersweet moment. I'm improving but it somehow caused me to think of my last hike, how happy I was.
How ridiculous it is that I can't do the workouts I want to. Or I'm afraid to. And then starts the downward spiral. I was given on some level to think about it more. I know, that's silly. People saying good things should not upset me. I guess there's just a lot of mental anguish that I forget I am carrying from this whole thing. Am I ridiculous to constantly mourn for what I once was?
Stupid 24 year old... I like tough work outs. I like pushing myself. And although most days I like Yoga, some days I don't. But I'm doing it because I want to heal so badly.
I don't know what to do with myself and my mentality. I know kind folks like Sterling have made suggestions. I need to go back and re read what they were and get a grip on myself. It's all a choice, all this. But sometimes that depressive force just beats me into the ground until I can barely breathe. And everything happy I see around me makes me want to cry even more. Somehow Jim finds a way to cope with me, and the dogs are always great. I do love my home. Nothing about that upsets me. But sometimes I find it is all inside me, and I carry that with me, no matter where I am.
"If What You Seek You Find Not Within You will Never Find it Without."
I skipped Gnostic Mass for Yoga. And then I skipped Yoga the next day. *shakes head*
Random. I don't think I can keep up with the fees for national dues in OTO anyway. Because I'm rolling in it (not really). Joy.
-Angela
Too late now. I'll deal with it.
It's only hair.
This weekend the wheels fell off of my inspiration. I'm not sure what happened. I sort of hit a depressive funk.
I was wondering if it wasn't people asking me about the things that are very much me when I'm not injured.
It reminded me and made me feel like some sort of poser. (haha, poser, get it - Yoga) nevermind.
So jeah. Koe was curious about what I like about running and how I got started.
Heronguy told A I work out a lot. (In so many words). He said the word "hike," and suddenly I was reminded of all the months of hiking outdoors that I've been held back from and it was a bittersweet moment. I'm improving but it somehow caused me to think of my last hike, how happy I was.
How ridiculous it is that I can't do the workouts I want to. Or I'm afraid to. And then starts the downward spiral. I was given on some level to think about it more. I know, that's silly. People saying good things should not upset me. I guess there's just a lot of mental anguish that I forget I am carrying from this whole thing. Am I ridiculous to constantly mourn for what I once was?
Stupid 24 year old... I like tough work outs. I like pushing myself. And although most days I like Yoga, some days I don't. But I'm doing it because I want to heal so badly.
I don't know what to do with myself and my mentality. I know kind folks like Sterling have made suggestions. I need to go back and re read what they were and get a grip on myself. It's all a choice, all this. But sometimes that depressive force just beats me into the ground until I can barely breathe. And everything happy I see around me makes me want to cry even more. Somehow Jim finds a way to cope with me, and the dogs are always great. I do love my home. Nothing about that upsets me. But sometimes I find it is all inside me, and I carry that with me, no matter where I am.
"If What You Seek You Find Not Within You will Never Find it Without."
I skipped Gnostic Mass for Yoga. And then I skipped Yoga the next day. *shakes head*
Random. I don't think I can keep up with the fees for national dues in OTO anyway. Because I'm rolling in it (not really). Joy.
-Angela
