Journaling

[angelak]

So, it is here that I run off to just before I begin taking care of work calls, that I re-read some of my journal. I was wondering just what the last month of LJ posts held. They aren't quite as angsty through-and-through as I thought.

It's high time I returned to the LJ realm as I like to write.
Too long have I seemingly let someone else stiffle my openness here.
Or elsewhere.

The month of November soon begins.
Sadly, this stupid cough hasn't left me yet. I want it to be gone by the time I head out to Oahu.
This opportunity to vacation for an extended amount of time in a far-away place will NOT be featuring the annoying cough!

So, lately my emotions ebb, flow, and change regularly. Usually in my life - up until the past year or two, things have indeed felt pretty steady.
I never got a chance to update any on my weekend.

It was pleasant to spend a lot of one on one time with chinchillagirl in particular. It reminded me that it's not a bad thing to spend time with friends solo. I knew that before, I've just struggled trying to find that for myself.

I am contemplating the idea of more solitude in general in my life. Perhaps using Khaya's Tues/Thurs tai chi nights as solitude nights. Sadly, living alone gets tiring. Not that I am complaining, I love it in the aspect of not having to deal with someone else and their differences in my own living space.

In the lonely, gee the house is entirely empty and I am all alone way. It's not that I want someone to talk to or share my space, it's that I feel more at ease and safer, knowing someone else is just a room away.

Though I doubt as though I would easily come across a suitable room mate, or that I will be leaving my Duplex + yard [dogs love it] anytime soon. That and I really like how my place is laid out.

I suppose in a lot of ways I'm looking to do what I never did when I left Steve.
I never got a chance to really find myself in some ways. I read a comment placed in one of my more angsty posts about one of my friends.

What she wrote made me understand a few things.
"I had a significant other who supported my need for solitude when I was your age."
Or something similiar.

Having read it initially at the time, that sounded a pleasant prospect. Granted... I realized. It actually is what I need. One step at a time, I begin to find which direction to walk in.

If taking these steps requires meditating through written word, and I happen to post that - so BE it.
That's part of who I am.


-Angela

Comments

[nobodyberry.livejournal.com]

Try some hot herbal tea for the cough. Then, of course, plenty of liquids, PLENTY of rest, maybe even some vitamin C, etc.

I understand the solitude vs. loneliness thing. There's a big difference between simply not interacting with someone and not having anyone there at all. I think that's where my problems tend to stem from. That empty, quiet house thing...

Anyway, hope all goes well for you and your goal to walk the path that truly fulfills your soul.

[quetz.livejournal.com]

There are times to be around people, and there are some things you can only do by yourself. Sometimes you have to be by yourself to accomplish what you need to, without the distraction of closeness.