Another day in time

[angelak]

Sunday went horribly.
We won't even talk about it in specifics.

LJ is neither here nor there when regarding issues of this calibur. The audience is too familiar and too widespread. Needless to say, I've come to terms with the fact there is no hope, what-so-ever. It is over. And not just over, but OVER.

For the record:
I have seemingly been bulldozed. Whatever.
Clearly "he is just not that into me."
And you know what? I am SURE with who I am, there will be someone who does believe in me.
Because he is not the one who does.
The hardest part will be getting past all the memories that were my favorites.
I got over aroidan. I can get over this.
My co-worker said I looked like I was ready to punch someone this morning.
I guess when I get bulldozed, I don't react so well.

And you know what? I can do this and be okay. I am a happy, beautiful, witty, intelligent woman. And I have a lot to offer. It's time for me now.

I may just need a session or two of counseling on my own. To try and get through some of the hurt. I have not decided. Money is an object for me. I allow my financial phobias to stand in my way of a lot of things. I should just suck it up.

After all - I have a job. I need not be remembering all that insanity that is called my childhood. It's hard to let go of being poor. Because I'm not poor anymore.
I am a successful adult with my own space and a steady (knock on wood) job. *sighs*

As for class: I had a backlog of homework to do on Monday before class. Thank you, universe, for sending me all the classwork on the same week that my life is having a major upheaval. I'm sure you're just doing this to make me stronger. I honestly considered dropping my English class for all this mess that I've been in. If it hadn't been too late to not lose all my tuition, I would have done it. It was 3 days too late. So, here I go, lousy technical writing class - with the lousy teacher.

-Angela

Comments

[tzaddi-93.livejournal.com]

And you know what? I can do this and be okay. I am a happy, beautiful, witty, intelligent woman. And I have a lot to offer. It's time for me now.

*hugs* Good for you. I know it hurts, but believing in yourself will make it easier to get over. It's ok to mourn your loss--just don't let that mourning make you feel that you are less than you are. And don't give up your standards for a partner just for the sake of having a partner. There are worse things that being alone. Take it from someone who found out the hard way.

And by the way, since you are employed, have you checked to see what kind of counseling your insurance or Employee Assistance Program will pay for? A chat with the HR department might be in order.

Good idea

[ithisia.livejournal.com]

Yeah. I know we have some sort of EAP. I just hope they'll spring for the counselor that I want - vs. some kind of assigned counselor. It is certainly not a bad idea to talk to HR.

Thanks for the advice, hugs, and encouragement.

-Angela

Re: Good idea

[tzaddi-93.livejournal.com]

With EAP, you usually have to choose from a list, but you don't have to stay with the first one if you don't like them.

[princekermit.livejournal.com]

You may have noticed that I'm commenting a lot in your journal, lately. This is, in part, because you and I are going through a lot of very similar things (long term relationships going *poof*!). I know we haven't spoken much face to face and all, but when I see someone I know going through such stuff, I have to speak up. And the Internet, bless its silicon heart, provides some distance and a bit of courage.

I want you to know that you are doing really well. You're right, LJ isn't the perfect medium for all this, and I'm one of those naive folks that believes people when they say, "Everything's fine." But from everything I see, you are heading in the right direction. You are making positive changes in your life.

At the same time, I will also agree and say yes, a session or two will likely help. Our dear Mr. Raven helped me through a ton of stuff a few years back.

Wishing you the best, Angela.
Take care.

p.s.

[princekermit.livejournal.com]

I am a happy, beautiful, witty, intelligent woman. And I have a lot to offer.

Yes, you are and yes, you do.

Thanks

[ithisia.livejournal.com]

It's been refreshing to hear from someone who is usually less active in my arena. Going through this stuff is crazy. I rarely tell people that "everything is fine," if they aren't. I am trying really hard to better myself right now, and not just waffle in my misery. I can be miserable and go no where, or I can be miserable and fight my way back into contentment.

I'd rather the latter. I suppose I will just take things as they come. I have an incredible blood-family, and I have been neglecting to seek my community in the past several months also. I think it is time to find that sense of community again.

Thanks for the encouragement and I hope to talk to you soon.

-Angela

[dragonfaery93.livejournal.com]

[[[[[[[[[[[[BIIIIIIG hugs]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]

ps: Lousy teachers are lousy buggers.

[quetz.livejournal.com]

You're strong, you're together (one helluva lot more than I was, when I was in your shoes last year), and you will get through this hurt. Believe in yourself, and in time.

[cupiecake.livejournal.com]

::hug::

it sucks, i know.
there's someone out there, just for you. you'll find him (or her). :)

It is time for You

[netharos.livejournal.com]

You're absolutely right; you will make it through, and you'll be empowered with more wisdom as you walk into the next chapter of your life. You are intelligent and beautiful, and your qualities will only continue to grow with time and experience.

If nothing else, take comfort in the unexpected. I never expected nor particularly desired to fall in love again after my last relationship; I had anxiety over it for months. Yet now I've allowed myself to fall pretty heavily for a remarkable woman, and it just feels wonderful. Everything has a time and place, and I know you'll find those feelings you treasured having so much again.

[centeruniverse.livejournal.com]

You can, you are, and you will. (Be okay, are wonderful, and find someone worthy, that is)

[nobodyberry.livejournal.com]

Yeah, my technical writing class was lousy, too, because of a horribly lousy teacher.

Anyway, I think you have the right idea here as far as finding someone who will be into you, and someone who will be good for you.

Of course, I have to go to class in 5 minutes, so I will skip the rest of what I would've said and head straight to: Call me tonight after 6:30pm or tomorrow after 5pm. I will do my best to keep the phone line open!

Will do

[ithisia.livejournal.com]

Will certainly do.
Nobody is needed.

-Angela