Another night

[angelak]

Here I am. Another night.
I am sure they will all begin running together. It's one of those times I feel like it's all so hard to handle. Laying here in bed...

Listening to random music.

This is my home. This is perhaps the first time I seriously haven't shared a home with anyone in some form. Even steady boyfriends count as presence in a home.

Just another day.
Just another night.

I sit on the computer far too much.
I had a good discussion with moshker tonight.
Ummm. Not much else. Wasted my evening away. I am learning to live alone, alone. I really do not like it, but I am less paranoid than I have been in the past. I tend to worry a lot less than I did at first. I guess I am overcoming it.

I still hate coming home to my dark yard and my creeky gate with the dark and not so visible garage area. :/

Every time I walk by the garage area I hurry to my house.
I don't know why I do this.
Except that I am not at ease late at night, coming home, alone.

Khaya didn't used to take my fear seriously. Whatever. I try to ignore it more than anything.
Nevermind.

I'm sure I am just being foolish. I do not ever think I was meant to live by myself. I like to know there is someone to come home to. One person makes a difference. As usual, this place is far too nice and too good to leave, over silly fears like that. I used to hide these things. I just don't fucking care anymore what people think of me. I'm over seeming tough.

Oh - yeah. And MSN is not connecting for me :X Sniffles.

-Angela

Comments

[m7o7n7k.livejournal.com]

I once lived with a woman for 10 years as man and wife. When it ended I had real trouble adapting to being single and doing things on my own. But, I did. It was a great liberation for me in the long run though (like anything that pushes us out of our comfort zone) painful in the short run. I am sure that in a little while you will get used to it, turn it to your benefit and be stronger for this time alone... I know it sucks in the short term...

Yeah

[ithisia.livejournal.com]

When I say someone to come home to, sometimes I mean even a room mate. It's assinine to complain about living in my space alone. It's a wonderful thing in many ways. And in other ways, I just wish I had another body around. Not just a lover - "someone to come home to," but a presence, "someone there," in a room or two over. I have dogs, they help. And sometimes they don't help.

Because they bark at nothing and anything.
Like at 2AM this morning, they woke me up because perhaps they heard a sound. They were barking furiously at my bedroom door, and that kind of stuff really tends to ruin my sense of peace.

Your relation to the situation means a lot to me. I try and imagine what that would be like sometimes. Separating in marriage and not just long term. Thanks for the encouragement.

Enjoy the sunshine and Oahu for me, and I'll enjoy the rain and the blustery Seattle wind for you.

Still annoyed I missed you on my visit there. ;) I should have gotten your phone number. Or something!!!

*hugs*

-Angela

[kdana.livejournal.com]

Msn messenger? The new one? I keep having to turn my Norton Internet Security off because it won't let me get on that... same with mozilla firefox. So frustrating. I've only ever had problems with it when on my laptops.... but FINALLY figured it out.

Maybe I will

[ithisia.livejournal.com]

Perhaps I'll have to do the same.
Gr. I like my security though.
:X
There has GOT to be a better solution.

-Angela

Granted

[ithisia.livejournal.com]

I was also having trouble at home too.
So I thought that eliminated that aspect.
Hmmm.

-Angela