A real entry. Weekend Updates!

[angelak]

I keep failing to write properly.
I keep failing to record events that are important to me, outside of OLOTEAS.
I’m not even sure how to fix this. I felt that when my office was in the back, even though it was open, I was more prone to actually updating important things, every day.
Now it feels hard, even with the new cubicle.

I don’t know how to fix this issue.
So I’ll just do the best I know how to update right now.

In the evenings I get into IM sometimes more than I do updates. I think I should change that.

So here goes.

Last night was pleasant. I met moshker for dinner. He showed me around his office, and that was entertaining. I enjoy seeing where people spend many hours of their lives; it is a different sort of home. That is a glory about my job. I’m nosy and I love to see what people keep in their workspaces.

After dinner and meeting moshker, I drove around Seattle trying to see if I could successfully use my new map I bought a few months ago. (Map of Seattle.) I want to know that I don’t have to call someone to get me out of binds in Seattle anymore. I always have done that when in moments of directional panic. khaya and aroidan were people I relied on. I can still call and aroidan - it’s just merely that I don’t want to rely on anyone anymore. I want to rely on me.

I rely on me for everything else – I might as well learn to do it with directions too.
If this map thing works, I will have to buy a Thomas Guide for my car.
I drove to Chinatown to revel in lost memories. I ended up near Beacon Hill, and I was determined to find the freeway from Beacon Hill using my map.

Lost in a sea of thoughts and music. Lost in my head.
I successfully navigated to Chinatown and from Beacon Hill to the freeway using my map. The wasted gas was worth it to realize that I could do it. Even though I went on the freeway going the wrong way and not towards home.

I think I need to do this more and learn more. Especially about Seattle. I live here, I might as well learn it better. I don’t like feeling stupid and getting lost.
Back to relying on me.

Now – to update on Monday.
I slept in Monday, though I wanted to get up early enough to visit mom amply.
I had made plans with violindaine for her to come visit the puppies. As well as Kelsi!

We went to the Nike Outlet and I got new shoes (I filmed Friday night and so this caused me to buy new shoes.) Yeay! And then we grabbed some lunch, and then met Kelsi at my parents’ apartment where much puppy play ensued.

Then violindaine and I dropped by moshker’s to watch a movie.
The movie: (Good night and goodluck).

violindaine and I were drawn into said movie!

After this, I drove violindaine home and then headed home at entirely too late of an hour. Chatted online, and then passed out into sleep.

The weekend was 80% fun. OLOTEAS, and on Sunday I hung out with wayfarer_atlas, and his friend Jen – after picking up the dogs from aroidan and hanging out with him for a couple of hours (watched an episode of Gilmore Girls on his huge-normous TV).

We ( wayfarer_atlas, and his friend Jen) had some great Indian food, and then drove back to Kirkland, where my car was.

The rest of the afternoon. WHAT did I do? Oh – right. I drove to Everett and hung out with mom. I felt not obligated to be anywhere.

aroidan ended up calling my mom (*sighs*) and asking if he could use my digital camera (I left it with her to take pictures of puppies) so he could take pictures of the giant chest he built for his bartender (he has the hots for her). This meant he wanted to come over. I reluctantly (with much whining) agreed that he could come over. To my mom’s. :X

He did also show me the felt that he picked up. He’s going to make me a little box for my tarot cards. I’m sick of the paper box that is soon to start getting ratty and ugly. I hate that thought. Once I buy shit, I like it to stay looking pretty and new. I figured, hell – he’ll build a giant huge-normous chest for Courtney (I actually really really like Courtney – she’s a sweetheart) then he probably wouldn’t whine too much about a tarot card box. And I’ve been thinking about trying to find one for a year.

He agreed that he’d like to do that for me, so yeay.
Anyhow. I listened to my IPOD, and sat on the couch being generally unsocial-able.
Then he left and I went out with mom, because she was getting stir crazy for not having left the house that weekend. We went to Fred Meyer’s where I picked up razor blades, and a couple of $3 workout shirts. (And a new clubbing shirt.)

It was 70% off markdown price clearance, how could I turn away??? Lol.
Suffice to say the weekend was busy and weird and cool.

There is so much more to write and so little brain in my head to do it with.
Thoughts that spin so quickly in my head.
My heart and my life – where is it going? I’m miserable not knowing. And yet we never really know, even when we think we do.
I suppose I take it a day at a time. Just like everyone else.

I am just relieved a certain someone is not phasing me out.
Oh – yeah. On Saturday evening? Sunday? I told Mike, a guy I had went on a few dates with, that I wasn’t interested in more than friendship (in so many words.)

This was hard for me. He’s a really nice guy, I just was not feeling the chemistry or the desire to be dating him. The physical side just wasn’t resonating for me, and that’s new. So far, everyone I’ve dated, I’ve meshed with physically. (Don’t get any sick ideas.) I mean on the simplistic, it’s nice to kiss you, level.

I didn’t even have that with Mike – so I knew it was time to be honest and tell him I wasn’t into it.

(I pretty much did that as soon as I could, after realizing why I felt so awkward at moments, with the dude. Would you imagine it was because I wasn’t attracted to him what-so-ever???)
I am not saying he was unattractive. He wasn’t ugly – granted, I didn’t find him particularly attractive either. What I mean to say is, there was zilch on the emotional stimulation level. And if that happens, I’m just generally not attracted.
95% of my attraction is a brain-thing. Do they stimulate me mentally? Then chances are I’ll be stimulated physically/emotionally.

He seemed a little bitter-ish online ever since. Sad. Lame.
Annnndddd, whatever.
The good news? I don’t have to have that hanging over my head.

On Monday:
I was pleasantly surprised by feeling extremely connected to violindaine. This has not happened for a long time. And I do not think it has ever happened quite so much on an energic level. I’d just like to make a public announcement, I love the Kirkbuses. All 3 of them!!!


*happy sigh* I love having awesome friends.

-Angela

Comments

[luna-piena.livejournal.com]

I hate when that happens with people I'm dating. There have been several guys up here who I enjoy spending time with and hanging out and being silly, but I know that I need more.

My standards are ridiculously high at this point.

But it's important. Being honest and up front immediately is good for a lot of things. You don't have to fake real feelings of connection, which is what I keep trying to do.

And yes, Miss violindaine is fabulous. I miss the both of you x a million.

yeah

[ithisia.livejournal.com]

Ditto!

I missssss you too!

-Angela