angelak | For the sake of babbling.

Early in the morning.
I didn’t go to the Fires of Lughnasadh ritual itself.
I miss the musical side most – although the ritual side…
*shrugs* I feel okay missing that this year. I was just really hoping to hear the music.

Jim had to leave earlier than usual – thus awakening me.
2AM he got up to leave for an impromptu piss test.
Lovely.

So my previous post; really the single sentence got me thinking. I personally write a lot. And being the opinionated sort – I have a lot of opinions. Statements driven by opinions driven by people driven by my melo-dramatic thoughts and sometimes – things that I want to say that I know I wouldn’t label as literal truths.

For instance – I guess the other part of my last post was that a co worker assumed that just because of the risk of someone going away, that it would be out of the question to be with said person. Aside from ways the exes might have viewed military men – this co worker also triggered my passionate feelings on the topic.

I know I’m not your average sort.
But really???

I guess it’s merely that I already made my decision long ago on this topic (or I wouldn’t have continued on to become close to said individual). THAT is how I do things. Equally, when I was dating moshker, in spite of knowing it would most likely not go further than dating, I still had the internal discussion and made the decision that in that circumstance, should things have gone however they would have gone – I would be prepared to take on a child like his, if that was what the universe had in store.

Even though it was quite clear that it would probably never happen. I wanted to make a clear decision on this BEFORE I got romantically deep into it.

This being said, I felt the same need with Jim and the Iraq issue.
The odd thing is, I don’t feel intimidated by the issue. I feel really content with my own life, with how I do choose to spend my time with, and also importantly, without my significant other.

It’s an incredibly confident feeling I have that it, although not being easy, will also not be as hard as it seems. That is just it. It seems less hard if I try and envision how I would cope.

A year is indeed a while. And I know things change a ton in a year’s time.
It’s just I have this … indescribable feeling that… either he isn’t going to get called up, or if he does. I’ll be just fine.

*shrugs* Call it what you will.
But as for the last entry. I think after hearing some pretty lame things said about military people in general, and then TS’s comment about involvement with someone who “will get shipped off,” well.

Combined, these things just cause me to tweak.
I mean cause. Everyone knows I'm not that shallow person who makes a myriad of shallow generalizations. There are thousands of ballful men of high integrity who I would no doubt respect (and some that I know personally) that did not enlist.
I wouldn't think EVERYONE SHOULD enlist. Or I'd have already done it.

Man I hate when I make statements that seem prickish. I cannot revoke it though, because it's mostly there for my own sanity. So that those words aren't stuck in my head alone anymore.

More over - it's my personal opinion, however - that it does take a certain level of ballfulness to go away to that lousy area for a year, survive, and come back. I don't like the war. However, I do - support our people, because they are our people and I respect them as individuals. The cause? Well, they don't get to choose what wars they fight. They just follow orders.
----

I am awakeee.
I wonder if I should drive home?
It might be cooler to spend the day at home, or drive to Redmond early on and see who is out and about. Maybe go swimming in the pool before site closes.

I am unsure.

And one last thing.
I always am amazed that I actually have readers. I think it's silly that this amazes me, and yet it does.
Yeay readers and even more yeay for comments. Especially from those people that I respect the most.

-Angela