A little better - Who needs to be treated like a princess?

[angelak]

I feel like the surgery went really well on physical terms.
I got a worried message from my mom earlier today. I heard the phone ring but somehow was still asleep some and Jim hadn't left yet and I couldn't bear talking about this right now.

I was trying to let things slide more.

The cheeks don't look that swelled yet and there is no bruising. When I go back to see this doctor next Friday and if this condition continues, I am going to tell him that he did an amazing job.

I liked him right away when I met him in consultation. But now, after looking at my face and feeling how minute in my opinion the pain has been... he's my hero. Thanks to Dr. Dixie in Bellevue.

I took Ibuprophen this morning because I figured I'd save the big drugs for while I was awake. I took the anti-swelling pills. I was supposed to take 2 and Jim read the packet wrong and gave me one before bed last night. it didn't seem to make a huge difference, I'm doing pretty well just the same. I took the 2 I was supposed to this morning and I am doing even better after the peas/ice.

I tried to thank him more in spite of my current frustration because he expressed his one thing is to be appreciated. After he woke up he did his astronomy homework and I slept, and then I woke up and he is playing some game on his computer.

Computer games tread dangerous grounds with me.
I'm letting it slide.

He gave me cottage cheese and then I made some oatmeal. I've been doing half of my cooking and I guess that's okay. I ask for some things and not for others. I just envisioned this weekend I'd be treated like a princess, not like my normal self. Even if I am hearty and am doing great. This is my chance to be pampered and really, I am not being pampered.

That's my fault. I came here.
I won't be having surgery again knock on wood, for a long time sooo... learning from that mistake really isn't going to do me that much good.

I am stoked to have my teeth out. I feel like all I have been doing is eating though. I feel like I have eaten more on my ass than I do when I am healthy. I thought it'd be different. I eat to accommodate the drugs; which I barely even feel a change in my body on (maybe the pain is a little lessoned, but the rest of me doesn't notice I've had any, no nausea like Mel claimed I'd have.)

These teeth cannot bother me anymore. I requested to keep the top two teeth to show Dad. She asked me before surgery and I couldn't help but keep the ones that won't be broken. I know Dad will get a kick out of looking at them with me.

We had a spat in the parking lot before I went into my surgery... Jim and I. It was about jewelry. Stupid petty crap. Why is it no one else shares this much crap on LJ? I don't care. Everyone has this in their lives they just think privacy is some elevated facade to keep their feelings and real emotions locked inside them. Well, fuck that. I could give a shit.

Not all arguments make sense.

So, it was just that for my birthday, after we had been dating 4 months or so, he asked me what I wanted. I had said, quote, "some in-expensive sterling silver jewelry would be nice."

When he snapped back at me going on about how he doesn't give jewelry for gifts if he's been seeing the person less than a year. So I somewhat was joking because I had a case of Oreo cookies I had bought him as a Valentine's surprise when I was at grocery outlet. I was like, "oh I did leave that V-day thing in there... eh oh well." (A big container I had bought to help clean his room with him that I also used to transport some food I had bought for the post-surgery).

He mentioned he had no idea what to get me. I was like, "I don't know but for our one year I want jewelry!" and this started an argument. I kid you not, 15 minutes before going in to surgery. We were in the parking lot.

He thought it was fucked up for me to ASK for anything. Said it would ruin it if he did get me jewelry, and had no recollection of being passionate about talking about not getting girls jewelry and comparing me on a mild level to his stupid-bitch-of-an-exgf who cheated on him and left him right after he had bought some expensive piece of jewelry for him. Okay, sore spot for him I GET this. But at the time I just felt horrible. And I haven't forgotten that moment. And then being condemned for ASKING for something, more or less suggesting. When I had been asked what I wanted, I told him and he flipped shit on me. He said jewelry cost more than other things, yesterday. I called bullshit. I buy a LOT of $10-$20 sterling silver jewelry.

I am not saying this is about gifts, but when it gets down to it, I have less issues spending my money on those I love. It's just something that *I* do. I don't think twice about it and even if I bought Robert a $300 mixer right before we broke up - I left feeling good knowing he had that as a piece of memory of me. His exgf, the one that was young and playful and maybe entirely wrong for him, and maybe he treated me like shit when he dumped me, but I never once regretted it. And I damned well don't consider my gifts for current SO's off of what happened between Robert and me. Not a moment.

So this instance, of Birthday-Wish list made me said. I cannot even remember what he got me for my birthday, but I know I spent almost $100 on lingerie which yeah - is mine, but I still did, for him.

Thinking about that makes me frustrated so I know it's probably bad to be writing about it. But it's what happened, and it floors me because he lacks generosity. When I mentioned this stuff to him ALL before going under the yanker as I may call it - well, "we hadn't dated that long" yada yada. So I'm retarded because we hadn't dated that long and I went and dropped a Benjamin on us anyway. I realize lingerie is different. I get to keep it. It's partially for me. But that is what he ASKED for. He ASKED for that. He dropped a not so subtle hint, because I don't get subtle hints and I got it. He just mentioned that the one year mark was where he other relationships started to go sour. That really is great for my paranoia. I need to just chill on it.

This being said I almost went in with that nasty, "I feel horrible because of a spat" feeling in my gut. We resolved it pretty quickly and sat in the waiting room making jokes and talking as normal. Typical of the Jim that I love.

I tried to get him to come in and be useless with me at the office from 7-9 but he opted to stay in bed and sleep.

So. Back to the positive. I don't hurt really. I mean ... is this the pain everyone goes through??? I'm waiting for the other shoe to drop and my face to ugly and fat and bruised. It's not. Fantastic. In a moment I will go get ice.

Note. I will go get ice.

I could ask. Ice and water would be nice? Ice for my face, water for my throat. Do they say anything against baths? I really feel like I could get the hell away from boyfriend. He's doing nothing wrong (and he would ask what he was doing wrong if I expressed something) and I'd say "you're on the game and I get to see more of the back of your head." Yeah. Princess my ass.

There are so many things that I adore about this guy - but right now I just want to slap him upside the back of his head.

I'd be just as happy if he were off doing something better.
I mean it's the same level of interaction, is it not??
He knows I am on my computer, possibly why he isn't over here. But before that I was sleeping. If I had started a movie he would have said, "I'm right here. 2 feet away on my computer. And besides, you're watching a movie/on your computer/fillinthefucking blank."

I was tempted to call mom and say, "yeah okay. I'm done with this game called Jim's home-care. Come pick me up." but, I'd feel miserable, lonely, and worse then - halfway through.

I desperately wish I had a car, anything. But I am not supposed to drive, do any exertion, etc. It really is just fine. I hate when people worry for me - but this all is what it is, I guess.

I am off to get my ice and water. I'm my own best friend anyway. Who needs to be treated like a princess?


Really, really. Seeing as I'm not all that much in pain, just stuck not wanting dry-sockets - nobody worry about me. And to Jyo, who continues to be a fabulous friend... thanks for being sensitive and caring and offering help, even though I am a bit further south than a lot of folks care to venture. I love you!

-Angela

Comments

[netharos.livejournal.com]

I know you're having an awful time of it right now, but one thing you mentioned about gift-giving really made me feel good. A little before Nikki and I separated, and I thought we were still going to be on good terms, I got her a $100 DDR board because it was something I always wanted to get her but hadn't had money for, and I thought it would be a good way to show my appreciation for the good times we did have, and hope to have a friendship afterwards. We all know how that went--but the point is, I didn't feel regret for getting her the gift, because it felt good to give it to her.

I think the best reason to give a gift is for our own sense of well being--the future doesn't have any bearing on the moment when you actually give something. It's kind of silly to regret it afterwards when it had meant something positive in the moment it truly mattered.

Things sound very unpleasant for you, but I know I shouldn't worry too much, because you're strong and smart, and you know how to figure out the best way to handle situations.

Oh, and it does sound like the doctor did a good job. I think I remember swelling up quite a lot overnight after the surgery, so I'm glad that hasn't been too bad for you so far.

[violindaine.livejournal.com]

*huge hugs!*
I'm sorry things are going so awful right now.
If you want, I'm sure Jessie and I could steal you away and I have nothing for the rest of the weekend, other than checking on my mother and her stiches.
I understand the desire to be coddled when your body is tired from some big procedure or being sick and all you really want to do is have someone take care of you.
Let me know if there's ANYTHING I can do for you okay?
I'm glad to hear that the surgery went well and that your mouth is doing well post-op so far.
*more hugs!*
Take care hon, and you can always throw the bag of ice at him if all fails, then you don't even have to get up.