The girl who drives - and who is sick of it.

[angelak]

It’s a day that hasn’t been really that great today.
I got plenty of work done – although I felt wholly grumpy regarding my annoying co worker. I had a short temper with it.

New guy seems non-descript enough. At the moment annoying-coworker is monopolizing him and broadcasting some form of “I know all this stuff look at how cool I am.”

Whatever.

I just felt things started off entirely wrong.
This afternoon Jim called to inform me he wasn’t going to come over. He didn’t have an answer one way or the other. I’m supposed to have my plans in order ahead of time like 3 days, and yet when I ask for an answer about tonight, it’s some huge fucking deal.

Okay, maybe he hasn’t said any of that, but I just feel off the hook about this.
I’m just really low about stuff right now.
Like. Tired of driving miles and miles to see everyone.
I make phone calls to say hi to people.
I drive out to see people.
I ask how people are or comment in their journal.

Why do I have to do all this and feel virtually nilch in return?
Sure I guess cry a river about it. But honestly.
I drive out to many friends’ dwellings.
And the fact that Jimmy lives in Tacoma wears on me on top of everyone else.

I am done! Done being the girl that makes all the effort. I basically got really moody about all this with Jim on the phone today. I called him back after just getting altogether depressed about the situation.

It is me me me. It is me being needy, me wanting to make the effort.
On his side of the phone call he still feels like he makes plenty effort.

I know he has all this crap going on. Work, school, army. And then me. And then he wants his game time.

Well. Fit me in or don’t. Same with all you best friends who could give shit about me.
(Kelsi and Mel.)

Fit me in or don’t.
I’m tired. So tired of it.

And Jim thinks this is just about today.

-Angela

Comments

[damiana-swan.livejournal.com]

*hugs*

[netharos.livejournal.com]

Why do I have to do all this and feel virtually nilch in return?

If I ever make you feel like nilch after you were nice enough to call/talk to me, let me know, so I can make it up--mostly for my sake, because I'm wacky about returning every shred of kindness sent in my direction.

Awhile back I decided I'm done being the guy that makes all the effort, and I've been a happier man ever since (even with no sex for almost a year and a big slice in my butt).

If you're feeling unappreciated, like I was, then it's time to appreciate yourself more and only do things that make you happy. Sure, some people might try to make you feel guilty for it, but that's only because they're getting way too good of a deal from you now and they know it.

May better tidings drift upon your shores.

[sterling-raptor.livejournal.com]

/pet pet pet. I don't know the situations so I won't comment, but you have my sympathies.

[vixenesque93.livejournal.com]

*hugs*

I'm glad we went walking today. That was fun!

[tzaddi-93.livejournal.com]

*hugs*

[dudelovenext.livejournal.com]

Well, anything I say will be an excuse. Sorry I didn't give you a call back last night. :(

Hopefully an apology and an offer to go to coffee will help? Or come over and have a cold drink with Whitney and I?

If not, I'll understand, but I hope so.

*hugs*

[white-koi.livejournal.com]

Not much I can say. Just I am here if you need to talk,vent, need an a$$ to kick. :) I'm just a phone call away, and I always return my messages :)

You do

[ithisia.livejournal.com]

You definitely do return messages.
And we can agree that there are some people I wasn't referring to with the built-up annoyance.

-Angela

[gothicangel713.livejournal.com]

*hugs*

Been there. Done that.

And have discovered that I'm a far happier person if I don't feel like I have to be the one who picks up the slack on everything anymore. It does help to have other's pitch in every now and then. At least then, I know that my company is wanted.

You once mentioned getting together for coffee or dinner or somesuch sometime...but I guess we both got busy with our respective lives and the idea dropped by the wayside somewhere...lol...still, I wanted to be sure you knew that I'm definitely interested in getting together sometime if you are. Just let me know. :)

Living in Bellevue, not far from your little corner of the world at all, does have it's advantages. *hee*

[nobodyberry.livejournal.com]

Maybe it's a Virgo thing, maybe it's a human thing, but I've felt exactly that way before. I think we all go through stuff like this from time to time.

Fact is, I used to try to visit your end of the state whenever I could, but at some point it started to feel like I was the one making all of the effort and no one really cared. So I stopped visiting. Has it made me feel better? Maybe. I miss out on seeing the people I care about, but then again, I don't get crushed when I drive 300 miles and no one seems to have time for me.

I'm at the point now, though, where I've accepted the fact that shit happens. Deep down, I know you're out there, no matter what, even if it doesn't feel like it. I can't speak for anyone else, but I always hope you know that you're important to me.

So yeah, not saying you were even talking about me, but I just want you to know that you're not alone. Even when people are miles and miles away. :)

[moshker.livejournal.com]

We should hang out sometime.

That'd be great

[ithisia.livejournal.com]

Yeah, we should.

You have yet to see Classy in person :) (The Subaru.)

-Angela