Lonely

[angelak]

Eh – Lonely.

No, I don't feel like incessant chatter from net friends. Or phone calling anyone. I just want to feel needed. Wanted, AND Needed. I think that is never going to happen.

So isn't there supposed to be a medium point between needy and independent?

Life is changing again – okay, the only constant in life IS change.

Am I going down the right path? Maybe I just really wanted it to be the right path and now I'm doing what I've done every other time. And that's allowing me to be misguided.

I'm lonely on a Sunday night.
I already went for my day hike, watched a 2 hour movie, visited with family, and window shopped. Totally forgot about an engagement I'd been expecting for a month through some retarded grace of absent-minded-ness...

I really despise parts of what I feel like is happening right now.

I could just be the usual dramatic emoter. Sometimes when things are a drag I am best at being an extremist.

-Angela

Comments

[clayshaper.livejournal.com]

Sometimes there's a big difference between needed and wanted. what do you want them to want from you? what should they need?

Those a great questions

[ithisia.livejournal.com]

I'll have to ponder that now that you've framed it that way.

I rather like that.
I guess I just want to feel like I CAN be needed.

They say they'll never NEED anyone other than themselves. They'll only WANT them.

I guess I'll think on specifics...

-Angela

Re: Those a great questions

[ithisia.livejournal.com]

I want them to want me in their life and to want to spend time with me.

I want them to need my affection and my time.

-Angela

Re: Those a great questions

[clayshaper.livejournal.com]

Then the next question (tho I think you posted it's relatively resolved, it's worth pondering, maybe!)... would be: how do they SHOW you that they need your affection and your time? How do you know when they do or do not need that affection or time?

[princekermit.livejournal.com]

I feel your pain, darlin.

Going through lots of motions, trying to do, but sometimes the quiet creeps in around the corners.

[sar-anon.livejournal.com]

Point the first - We missed you on Sunday.

Point the second - In my expereince, it is a difficult thing to want someone else to need you. It's a complex issue with a lot of pit-falls.

Another question you might ask is why do you want them to need your affection and attention? What is that need fulfilling in you and is there anything else that would be fulfilling in the same way?

I would be happy to talk about this further if you like.

Need Vs. Want

[ithisia.livejournal.com]

I think this one is harder to put into words. I guess the issue is that I was in a place that led me to believe I wanted to be there more than the other person.

I understand it isn't a race or something that can be quantified. I do, although if there is a feeling of imbalance - I tend to think it becomes rather obvious sooner or later.

I also had a chance to communicate further to realize that the things I was allowing my brain to run away with were not as extreme as I was thinking they were.

In fact, quite the opposite. Sometimes we need things framed properly to understand them as they are.

I agree - my view is - either they want/need me, or they don't. There's nothing I can do to change their level of emotion and it's either there or it's not.

The main issue is that it has been there - they just didn't want to express it for fear of being "dependent" in an unhealthy way - or say, a reassurance perhaps for themselves that hypothetically someone didn't want then in THEIR life anymore, that they'd be okay.

A lot of things play into this obviously. I just needed to get the feelings out and it's been awfully hard when said person has a lot of responsibilities at the moment other than dealing with my involvement with them.

Did I write too much of an essay?

Anyway. Sorry I totally spaced on Sunday.

-Angela

Re: Need Vs. Want

[lizzardkitty.livejournal.com]

As horrible as it sounds, I'm glad someone else goes through periods of re-evaluation and a touch of crazymaking. I read your later post and it sounds like you are doing better. I'm glad things are going better. I can't believe how many times I ask myself if I'm on the right path - or where that path leads and if the people I'm associating with will get me there or not. Good luck and many blessings!
~Julie

Re: Need Vs. Want

[ithisia.livejournal.com]

I think most healthy relationships come with periods of tweaking. At least that's what my mom says, and she's been married to my dad for 28 years...

lol. I tend to take her advice because their marriage is pretty darned functional, happy - all that jazz. So rest assured, that's something that is really not so bad.

I do get a little manic about it sometimes - but over time most of my partners start to figure out what that means, and how best to either work it in, or run from it ;)

-Angela

Re: Need Vs. Want

[ithisia.livejournal.com]

And it IS a constant effort to stay reasonable and not blow things out of proportion for me when I do start tweaking.re-evaluating.

:)
I acknowledge that I could be better, can be better, and will make it my highest priority to improve as best I can.

Ah, alas. I suppose we're all only human.
Done blabbing/replying. ;)

-Angela

Re: Need Vs. Want

[lizzardkitty.livejournal.com]

I definately agree with the periods of tweaking. I've not talked to my mom about it - but it makes sense - I've heard the stories *grin*

I get manic about change sometimes too - and it makes me worry - am I manic about change because something needs to change - or because I'm scared that it never will? Todd learned very quickly that about once a month (heck of a coincidence, huh? *groan*) I start freaking out that everything *might* not be on track - or where the track is, how do I find it - are you on the track too? and talks me down so to speak and then we move on. He's great for that kind of thing. And that's why he's lasted so very long.

Re: Need Vs. Want

[ithisia.livejournal.com]

I think for me it happens between 2-3 times a year.
Which is a little less.

But, it also depends on what stuff is in flux. If you know what I mean.

But yeah - it is awesome to have someone who GETS that you just need to figure things out with someone. You know - the kind that just take it as it comes and allow you that manic-session.

I mean - because, really... I think it can be helpful even if it is a little stressful.

It ensures a level of communication - and you can never get enough communication.

Yeay for tolerant type people.

-Angela

Re: Need Vs. Want

[lizzardkitty.livejournal.com]

Yeah - minor ones every month (introspection times) and then major ones about once a year.

Absolutely.

Exactly!

Yeah - it helps me figure out what my fears are - what I REALLY want - and drives me to figure out how to get it.

Yeah - I'm still working on improving my communication - and it's helping greatly that Todd is such a communication bug - it's one of his love languages (not mine though!)

Absolutely for people who love us - even when we are "I need change - and I need it NOW"
~Julie