As I was drifting awake ...
Sep. 9th, 2007 11:31 am![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
angelakAs I was drifting awake I had 2 phrases that entered my head before I was really that conscious. Mock me as a pagan or not:
"Running is my ritual. Hiking is my meditation."
I guess sometimes I hear others speak about their spiritual lives and naturally, have thoughts about how my own differs. I've got some magickal work in stirring, although I quite intentionally devoted my focus in the year 2007 (the year is waning quickly) towards physical advancement. I realized ritual work was drawing from my physical health and happiness. This seemed wrong.
Don't get me wrong, I love public ritual, and I love private rituals even more. Oddly - I was thinking yesterday about how I seldom even write in LJ about this because sometimes I'm weary of the drama llamas coming to eat me. But this morning it struck me that I had to write down that sequence of words that filtered through my head before I awoke.
I guess for me it's hard to choose between professional advancement, physical advancement, and magickal advancement. I know we all struggle with this. (okay, all of ya'll who are magickal in nature that reside on my list, everyone else has their own gig that probably is largely important too.) And after all - some of ya'll have kids. That's a giant energy sift.
Digression. I guess what my thoughts have lead me to realize is that perhaps some of my intentional rituals and meditation are strictly physical in nature because that is by nature, who I am - and what I'm all about. These are the things that find a way to balance me, help me sort my life out, ground me, and also help me find a good outlet to communicate with my gods and understand everything around me.
If it's more solitary in nature, that's because people aren't around me 24/7 that part take in my personal beliefs. What I mean is, some people have magickal people surrounding their core lives all the time.
I don't.
I don't regret this. The people who are in my life seem to fully understand and perhaps practice their own "non branded" version of magick anyway. They aren't your occultists, they can handle ritual, but it isn't their "thing," so to speak.
The state contracted killer (please, have a sense of humor here) has a lot of pagan views although he calls them something else. I find that wonderful.
Regardless, this leads to striking out as I used to before I became involved in the widespread pagan community. Before OLOTEAS, before OTO, before my short involvement with the SC communities.
Finding a way to incorporate magick in your everyday life is as personal as, for instance, how you like to apply soap in the shower in the morning. Who the fuck is the next guy to be, to tell you which way is most efficient, more logical, more spiritual, or maybe just cleaner...?
I guess the last couple of days I began striking down on my own magickal methods. "Why jeez, I'm not nearly as active as I once was, and I'm not like a lot of people I know." AT times I was beginning to feel negative on this. Last week I found myself in a place in my life where I had total frustration.
"WHY IS MY CAREER SO STAGNANT? MY MAGICK IS STAGNANT? MY FILL IN TEH BLANK>>> what is wrong with me?"
I guess I am just taking for granted the things that are all very grounding, very important, and very ritualistic. And magickal. As I take myself aside and think...
What could be more magickal about spending a few hours on foot, close to nature? And what could be more magickal than the introspection that is gaining through feeling the body work with itself internally to achieve a greater goal - scaling a mountain, running a few miles, or just plain out sweating and then coming back down to a pace of rest?
There are more things that I can't describe here that are gained (aside from strength, fitness, the basics) from constant physical contentment.
I had to document this so that whenever I feel like I'm not as "super special" as any other magician, that I realize I am my own best magician, and that right now includes a wonderfully intense physical side.
I do have other stuff in the works though. Which also feels great.
-Angela
"Running is my ritual. Hiking is my meditation."
I guess sometimes I hear others speak about their spiritual lives and naturally, have thoughts about how my own differs. I've got some magickal work in stirring, although I quite intentionally devoted my focus in the year 2007 (the year is waning quickly) towards physical advancement. I realized ritual work was drawing from my physical health and happiness. This seemed wrong.
Don't get me wrong, I love public ritual, and I love private rituals even more. Oddly - I was thinking yesterday about how I seldom even write in LJ about this because sometimes I'm weary of the drama llamas coming to eat me. But this morning it struck me that I had to write down that sequence of words that filtered through my head before I awoke.
I guess for me it's hard to choose between professional advancement, physical advancement, and magickal advancement. I know we all struggle with this. (okay, all of ya'll who are magickal in nature that reside on my list, everyone else has their own gig that probably is largely important too.) And after all - some of ya'll have kids. That's a giant energy sift.
Digression. I guess what my thoughts have lead me to realize is that perhaps some of my intentional rituals and meditation are strictly physical in nature because that is by nature, who I am - and what I'm all about. These are the things that find a way to balance me, help me sort my life out, ground me, and also help me find a good outlet to communicate with my gods and understand everything around me.
If it's more solitary in nature, that's because people aren't around me 24/7 that part take in my personal beliefs. What I mean is, some people have magickal people surrounding their core lives all the time.
I don't.
I don't regret this. The people who are in my life seem to fully understand and perhaps practice their own "non branded" version of magick anyway. They aren't your occultists, they can handle ritual, but it isn't their "thing," so to speak.
The state contracted killer (please, have a sense of humor here) has a lot of pagan views although he calls them something else. I find that wonderful.
Regardless, this leads to striking out as I used to before I became involved in the widespread pagan community. Before OLOTEAS, before OTO, before my short involvement with the SC communities.
Finding a way to incorporate magick in your everyday life is as personal as, for instance, how you like to apply soap in the shower in the morning. Who the fuck is the next guy to be, to tell you which way is most efficient, more logical, more spiritual, or maybe just cleaner...?
I guess the last couple of days I began striking down on my own magickal methods. "Why jeez, I'm not nearly as active as I once was, and I'm not like a lot of people I know." AT times I was beginning to feel negative on this. Last week I found myself in a place in my life where I had total frustration.
"WHY IS MY CAREER SO STAGNANT? MY MAGICK IS STAGNANT? MY FILL IN TEH BLANK>>> what is wrong with me?"
I guess I am just taking for granted the things that are all very grounding, very important, and very ritualistic. And magickal. As I take myself aside and think...
What could be more magickal about spending a few hours on foot, close to nature? And what could be more magickal than the introspection that is gaining through feeling the body work with itself internally to achieve a greater goal - scaling a mountain, running a few miles, or just plain out sweating and then coming back down to a pace of rest?
There are more things that I can't describe here that are gained (aside from strength, fitness, the basics) from constant physical contentment.
I had to document this so that whenever I feel like I'm not as "super special" as any other magician, that I realize I am my own best magician, and that right now includes a wonderfully intense physical side.
I do have other stuff in the works though. Which also feels great.
-Angela
