IM/Web forums aiding me in negitivity?

[angelak]

Well, it would seem my post was ... what it was yesterday.
I just meant that I need to stay off IM and web networking sites a bit more.
Perhaps they're causing me to dwell on the really lousy parts of my situations, rather than focus on what else is going on right in front of me. Part of the way I've gotten through hard times in the past was by throwing myself into something *else*. Like... say... work (course that is sort of hard when half of it requires me to do stuff I really shouldn't).

It just hit me yesterday that I was not finding what I needed anymore out of that. On some planes, I'm not really OK. But on others, I'm fine.

Well. Here goes another day in paradise, eh?
Thank gods it's Friday.

Unfortunately, I almost slept through my physical therapy appointment. The apt was at 5 and I slept until 5:12. I drove down and made it there by 5:20. Oh man, I was not a happy camper. I just laid down to sleep because I was just feeling bluh. Took lunch at 3 and didn't have to go back to work. So I slept a couple of hours... I felt like a total fool.
They still did a couple of things (sports massage) and did some exercises I can't do on my own. And did ice and stim. Thank goodness for that. They were super nice, but I felt like a fool. Next week I will show early and not cut it close again. I thanked them profusely and told them exactly what happened.

As for this morning -

Got up at 5:20ish and got 40 mins of the e machine in. Better than none, not quite as good as 60 mins. Burned enough to have leeway today and feel satisfied I guess. *sigh* I know I've gained circumference. Blarg. Could be worse. Could be worse.

Yesterday I logged off IM and was planning on not logging on for a long time.

I also decided to close out a bunch of stuff at work to keep me ahead of the game at the office. I was with users a good portion of the day and had misplaced my other phone.
For a minute, it felt like I could not keep using the support avenues that I have been using. They haven't really given me much sanity beyond, "oh that sucks for you," and the usual "I am trying to figure out the right things to say but have no idea what that might be," (frankly, I don't know what that'd be either.)

So my best option is just not to talk to many people. To change the focus of my goals. I've tried other things. But this is how it used to be for me. I think maybe I just cope best alone? I'm unsure.
But for a moment I just thought IM was the culprit of demoralization. I really don't know. Or stagnation of my negativity.


Trying to live in a smaller universe instead of reaching out constantly and not finding what I need. To all those who showed concern - thanks. I'll figure this out. Someday...
I feel bad because I'm slightly angsty. But there it is. It won't last forever... it can't.

-Angela

Comments

[nobodyberry.livejournal.com]

I will admit I felt an initial reaction of "Ack, nooo" being that IM and this are my primary modes of communication with you. However, you need to do what you need to do. Anyway, we all know I'm not going anywhere -- if you have to disappear for awhile, I'll be here when you get back. :)

Well

[ithisia.livejournal.com]

I meant predominantly IMing and a different web forum than LJ. LJ is in some respects, my best archiving tool. That's why I'd never ditch it I think.

It never makes me feel crappy sooo...

-Angela

Re: Well

[ithisia.livejournal.com]

And your earlier comment meant a lot to me.

-Angela

[thurmin.livejournal.com]

transitional periods are difficult. Having said that, I support your decision and hope things turn out for the best.

:D