Some mental clue by fours

[angelak]

It's funny how once you're skinny -
People assume it's somehow easy or natural because of what you look like.

Example: Brunch thing at work in the lunchroom. Tons of middle-aged women, and of course. Me. Early 20's girl.

"Well you can afford to eat these sweets!"
And I say, "actually, no one can afford to eat these sweets. Whether they're skinny or not."

So - brings me to my realization at the gym. I've now seen several of the high school girls (yes I know - short stone throw from my own age, but none the less, it is all I have in regards to the younger crowd). It dawned on me that the ones I thought were "naturally" skinny were out there working hard on that, too.

The lesson is that no one should assume anything about somebody and their physique. What they do or don't do or can or can't eat/do to be how they are.

After hitting my skinnier self I've heard more time than not that "I could afford to eat" garbage.

(Do not get me wrong, I love garbage and comfort foods as much as the next lady. I do. I just like being skinny better...)

So, I had 2 clue by fours in one day about the assumptions of what people do to look how they are. And whilst working out and seeing the younger girls. It hit me. I should assume everyone is working as hard as I am to be skinny, if they're skinny. And the same is true if they're not as skinny. In the same group of tiny-girls, I saw one more weighty in the group. And they were all working as hard.

I thought they all should be commended, because in high school I didn't do those things. And equally, somebody out there sees me and thinks, "When I was 20-something, I didn't do those things. Good for her."

I think these are really cool things to realize.
Also - been thinking. I'm relatively close with my closer co - workers, those directly in my department. I've been here like 6 + years now. Things come out sometimes.
It happens over time when you work with people that long. Today I randomly was thinking outloud to one that I hoped I didn't gain over my wine-tour holiday. (Let's face it, I've been working REALLY hard in the past 1-2 weeks-ish to lose the extra I had picked up).

Tim Smith was just like, "You need to obsess less! You're a skinny minnie. It's not like you're going to gain 30lbs back!" And on one hand I know that's true - because I'm PAYING attention. Except that this sort of attitude is, if you ask me on some level, how some people DO. If they keep saying that in a pattern rather than saying, "I need to be careful," in a pattern, they become what they once were.

My biggest goal is to not be that person that says, "jeah, I lost 30lbs once. But then I gained it back. Jee I wish I could get back there." I'd rather be the girl that notices the 2-8lbs that come over whatever life fluctuations, and DOES something about it. Instead of just having this easy go, it's okay if it comes back 'tude.

Obsessing over it isn't the half of it. It's called being self aware. But after working so hard lately, I don't want it to just jump back on because I relaxed for a day. It's easy to feel apprehensive when I've had a lot of up/down again/and then up again weeks lately. That is all.
It's funny how sometimes people think it's obsession. Honestly - my self image and confidence and health makes me happy. It has nothing to do with obsession.


(Cross posted from a weight-related forum I write in.)

-Angela

Comments

[empressmiaka.livejournal.com]

THat is an excellent point.

30lbs.

[sterling-raptor.livejournal.com]

Yeah, it does just hit you out of nowhere that you've gained 30lbs. if you aren't paying attention. For me, once I hurt my knee and couldn't do gymnastics anymore, it was a steady 2-4lbs a year weight gain that ended up with me being about 50lbs overweight. I have lost a bit and then regained it, but it is always something amazingly bad like a severe illness or injury that sidelines me. I know it is no excuse but I also know it is my responsibility to lose weight or stop complaining.

Re: 30lbs.

[ithisia.livejournal.com]

See - people like to tell you when you ARE purposely noticing (and I'm injured right now so it's particularly hard) that you're being "obsessive."

Well, it's not that I am obsessive. I am just taking responsibility for the fact that if I don't watch things closely while I'm injured, it could all too easily spiral and yeah - 30lbs would be back.

That's really my point.
If you don't pay attention - then it WILL come back.

Thus the "obsessiveness" as some people would call it.

-Angela

Re: 30lbs.

[ithisia.livejournal.com]

One more thing...
That is when you really have to work with food patterns more strictly -

(Which annoys me to no end)
And alternative calorie burning strategy. But sometimes it just sucks to do a secondary thing that you DON'T enjoy as much.

But then again... if the less enjoyable exercise (biking stationary and ellipticals, or swimming) can help me have more flexibility on the food side - I'll do it.

But even those things can be hard on knees.

-Angela

Re: 30lbs.

[sterling-raptor.livejournal.com]

I don't think you are obsessing at all, I think you are being mindful. Attention to detail is something I find admirable.

[nobodyberry.livejournal.com]

Yeah, you really never know how people come by their physique. It's a combination of age, lifestyle, genetics, ethnicity, and a bajillion other factors.

And well, I wouldn't overlook the obsession factor completely. You're a Virgo. It happens. But I think it's more underlying -- something that goes along with the whole process.

And to be understood...

[ithisia.livejournal.com]

Oh, Virgos are such obsessive folk and worry-warts.

But also... this whole process HAS been a process. And I think I will come out ahead one day. It just won't be next week necessarily :P

How much I appreciate your insight - regardless.

-Angela

[dudelovenext.livejournal.com]

Well, mostly it's probably someone being nice about your weight. True, they might not understand that it all counts, but I think they're just trying to say, "You look fit and good!"

Obsessive is when it gets to be unhealthy. I don't see you doing anything unhealthy. It's on your mind a lot, but each person has different things on their mind...so I don't think it's a big deal.

You've been doing something right from what I've seen. Keep it up! :)

nah trust me

[ithisia.livejournal.com]

It wasn't a compliment.
I can tell by how they say it.

The way people say things goes a long way as to what they mean - in unwritten body language.

Yada yada. BUt I could live in a fantasy world that they were trying to be nice. When it's a retort, it's not really a compliment. Not that I gave a damn, but ja. Really - people think being skinny is a temporary eating pattern or something ??? It's not. Not if you want to stay that way.

-Angela

Re: nah trust me

[ithisia.livejournal.com]

Also - they'll link it with age a lot too. That bugs me, cause frankly you can be overweight at any age.

And the fact that I was not on the skinnier side before (or the fat side really) lends to the fact it wasn't some "natural born" thing.

Random.
I have so much to say on this topic.

-Angela

Re: nah trust me

[dudelovenext.livejournal.com]

Heh, yeah, you do. :) But that's okay, it's a subject near and dear to you.

Sometimes I guess I tend to glaze over and put my rose-tinted glasses on. You've worked really hard for what you have. I haven't worked nearly as hard, so I don't have anywhere near the level of fitness, but it's no one's fault but my own.

Anyone who thinks it's a temporary eating pattern has a LOT to learn about nutrition. :)