Friday Afternoon Update

[angelak]

It's time to settle down and write an entry.
Today has been pretty... un orthodox for me. Been working pretty hard all week closing stuff out and upgrading folks at the office. Felt PMSy yesterday afternoon – therefore skipped my workout.
Blarg!!!

Been stepping back and realizing I average 1-2 lbs per month of loss for the past 14 months. And I had some minor ups and then downs. What this means is that I should CHILL out about my situation. I know. You all have read a lot about this possibly lately. But I am really processing some basic maintenance realizations. When I couldn't run and do things JUST HOW I WANTED to, I let it make my entire life crumble around me. Rather than to pick myself up and use my best devices. I wasn't positive.

Well, the tides have turned. I'm realizing. Even 3 months without the mental stability of running doesn't give me excuse to eat poorly, and it doesn't give me an excuse to beat myself up if I do eat poorly.
I need to hang on to my new found life and not let it all become so damn fatalistic.

I'm active. I'm fit. I'm everything I thought I was in February 2008, and March 2008 – at the heights of my happiness. So, now that it is almost July, and I've spent April, May, and June – struggling through some mental demons. I come out thinking, “if only I'd have relaxed about some of this.”

Jim would say, “I told you so.”
Good thing that boy doesn't read my LJ much – huh? LOL.
Well. I've followed my healthy food pretty closely. I'm going to make it my best effort to continue to remember priorities: Health over how my body LOOKS.

So here's to feeling fabulous in my skin. Like I did the entire 1-2lb per month journey of being where I am at now. Here's to walking around thinking I'm something sexy and hot for the summer – and making my fitness my highest priority. I will run again.

I met with my damn PT this morning. She was pissy because I was 10 minutes late. Fucking blow me lady, guess what? You didn't call me back last week and had 8 excuses as to why not. I'm not an excuse girl. When people approach me about my fuckups, I do one of two things.

1- I admit I screwed up. Apologize, whatever.
2- I'm silent. I have nothing to say. I was a chode.

Well, so today I didn't say anything. I skipped breakfast being a tiny bit late. Got stuck on Front Street in more traffic than I was predicting. Hit the wrong light cycle. No one cares why. You were just late. Accept it.

None the less. I have a “Return to Running” program.
Now. This has nothing to do with speed, or distance, or any of that stuff I have been accustomed to tracking myself off of. It's off of time. Well, I always used time. But this is just time.

I was walking 30 minutes a day, every other day last week.
The return to running program advises strictly every other day.
I just called my therapist. I can do it outside if it's flat. They recommend the treadmill...
I'm happy with whatever. I'm an outdoors girl, but I'll do anything to get back running.

This is what it looks like, providing you move to the next phase if you can do the one prior entirely PAINFREE before, after, and during.

PHASE 1 Walk 4 minutes, Jog 1 minute, Repeat 3 times for a total of 15 mins
PHASE 2 Walk 4 minutes, Jog 2 minutes, Repeat 3 times for a total of 18 mins
PHASE 3 Walk 4 minutes, Jog 3 minutes, Repeat 3 times for a total of 21 mins
PHASE 4 Walk 4 minutes, Jog 4 minutes, Repeat 3 times for a total of 24 mins
PHASE 5 Walk 3 minutes, Jog 4 minutes, Repeat 3 times for a total of 21 mins
PHASE 6 Walk 2 minutes, Jog 4 minutes, Repeat 3 times for a total of 18 mins
PHASE 7 Walk 1 minutes, Jog 4 minutes, Repeat 3 times for a total of 15 mins
PHASE 8 Jog Continuously for 15 minutes
Next: Work up to more (Discuss with therapist).

Today I'd like to start Phase 1.
Take tomorrow off.
See how it goes as far as Phase 1 is concerned. She suggests a 10 minute warm up and cool down.
I think I'd do the E machine for those 20 mins, and then I think I will probably be quite happy with the suggested program until I can be back to it!

I previous was running between 30-40 minutes regularly.
Let me say that I will never, ever take short runs for granted again. My short runs were 3 miles.
My speed runs were 1.5, and my long runs 4.2 miles.

They said I COULD use Gilman Blvd ... but I guess today I'll go ahead and go to the gym.
I circuit trained today on lunch. For some reason it felt easier than usual. Maybe I ate more of the right things, kept my body's caloric stores more full of better stuff, AND am getting stronger again. Boy, would that be a relief?

I just cannot wait till I get to my 25# ers for my CT.
My shoulders are pretty pronounced now, and I am not trying to get body builder like. But let's face it. I want to take names and kick ass. I can't help it. I just want to be strong. Strong is the new sexy, didn't you hear?

The more active I am physically. The better I feel in my head. And trust me. My head can be a pretty fucked up place if not held in check with some sort of confidence building mechanism. My poor boyfriend. It is a good thing he is patient. I still feel bad for him some days. I am a bit too female. And it has taken me 2 decades to really embrace, understand, and accept what that can mean.

On the good side of that - I also learned how to be more feminine. It's not an insult!


-Angela

Comments

[everlastinggoo.livejournal.com]

Good for you with the acceptance factor! Its something that's difficult for everyone to do..I'm still having issues with it myself! Cheers to you! :-)

[empressmiaka.livejournal.com]

Actually, it sounds like you're making excellent progress.

[nobodyberry.livejournal.com]

Yay! Glad to hear you're moving closer back to your happy place. Gotta love the process.