Mel and her birthday and my frustration
Oct. 25th, 2008 08:03 pm![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
angelakI feel weird because tonight is Mel's birthday. They're going out and partying and making a big deal for her birthday. I'm not exactly in "party party" mode.
But I'm going anyway. And on some level I just feel so hard pressed to even go near the party scene. I know it's *her* birthday, but I'm just... ehh.
I'm going anyway. What else will I do tonight? I packed all day and organized my system. I went to 874 and measured the windows and drooled because we can get in with onsite folks that are there to sell the places.
*sigh*
I feel weird and unattracted to the notion of partying.
She also sort of gave me a bit of crap on the phone - sufficiently making me feel crummy because I didn't go to her "pre partying" get together dinner at her house. I was honestly getting my act together so that the actual move goes better in spite of the delay on closing.
I suck at phones. I do. It takes every ounce of effort for me to CALL people back, check my voicemail, or any of the like. If I call same day - it is a lucky thing. She guilted me for calling 2 hrs late. I understand she was worried, because she knew closing didn't happen Friday - but damnit... my head just isn't with 8 other people right now. It's with my family. Jim, my parents, and my animals.
She had been pressuring me to go to her party for 2 weeks and I felt uncomfortable with it. But she never gave me edgewise to decline. And now I just feel moody and kind of..........
Well. Coerced. I know if I sit around this mostly packed, really not so cozy, used-to-be homey place, that I just will get bored quick. So I'm going. But the tone of the phone call did sufficiently make me feel like shit. Thanks for that - Mel. And Happy birthday.
I just hate that I suck at phones.
No one expects Mrs. Outgoing to really have a fear of picking up the phone and dialing people. I make do and force myself to. Especially to people who matter. But the more negative a situation is, the harder I find it is for me to pick up a phone anyway.
I am sort of tired. Got up early to buy my house.
I feel like when I go out, it is possible I will be moody. Hm.
Whatever. I should just go get dressed to go out to some bullshit crappy ass club and prepare to see if the bar has coffee. I used to be a drinker. Now I'd rather be skinny.
Skinny feels good. Skinny looks good. Booze? Not healthy and feels like shit in the morning.
Skinny never does...
-Angela
But I'm going anyway. And on some level I just feel so hard pressed to even go near the party scene. I know it's *her* birthday, but I'm just... ehh.
I'm going anyway. What else will I do tonight? I packed all day and organized my system. I went to 874 and measured the windows and drooled because we can get in with onsite folks that are there to sell the places.
*sigh*
I feel weird and unattracted to the notion of partying.
She also sort of gave me a bit of crap on the phone - sufficiently making me feel crummy because I didn't go to her "pre partying" get together dinner at her house. I was honestly getting my act together so that the actual move goes better in spite of the delay on closing.
I suck at phones. I do. It takes every ounce of effort for me to CALL people back, check my voicemail, or any of the like. If I call same day - it is a lucky thing. She guilted me for calling 2 hrs late. I understand she was worried, because she knew closing didn't happen Friday - but damnit... my head just isn't with 8 other people right now. It's with my family. Jim, my parents, and my animals.
She had been pressuring me to go to her party for 2 weeks and I felt uncomfortable with it. But she never gave me edgewise to decline. And now I just feel moody and kind of..........
Well. Coerced. I know if I sit around this mostly packed, really not so cozy, used-to-be homey place, that I just will get bored quick. So I'm going. But the tone of the phone call did sufficiently make me feel like shit. Thanks for that - Mel. And Happy birthday.
I just hate that I suck at phones.
No one expects Mrs. Outgoing to really have a fear of picking up the phone and dialing people. I make do and force myself to. Especially to people who matter. But the more negative a situation is, the harder I find it is for me to pick up a phone anyway.
I am sort of tired. Got up early to buy my house.
I feel like when I go out, it is possible I will be moody. Hm.
Whatever. I should just go get dressed to go out to some bullshit crappy ass club and prepare to see if the bar has coffee. I used to be a drinker. Now I'd rather be skinny.
Skinny feels good. Skinny looks good. Booze? Not healthy and feels like shit in the morning.
Skinny never does...
-Angela
