Bikram Yoga Day 11 of 13
Dec. 18th, 2008 07:19 am![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
angelakMade it to class even though the 8:30 class was canceled. I don't know WHAT it was, but my performance was way off last night. I also felt irritated rather than guided through the dialogue and that is a first. Usually I can turn off any real reaction to it and just focus on what I'm doing.
Yesterday it was more like, getting on my nerves. I felt like I didn't push as hard, but no doubt it still was better than not going at all.
I have higher hopes for tonight as for being the observer, focusing, leaving my ego at the door (seriously - I think that one is hard) and getting more out of it. I was wondering if my PMSing might have something to do with feeling irritated. The teacher was not a bad one... I just felt annoyed... especially when for the first time in many classes I took a sip of water out of turn because I was just feeling unfocused - and she called me out saying I could wait for water. Well - that turned my ridiculous sense of "the fuck if you'll tell me what to do" on, which is pretty much cause to throw all my focus out the window right there. Because... once I get like that - it's hard for me to bring my brain back.
I know I'm being irrational and sometimes childish when I get this way. I know that once someone "tells me" what to do, I should just shrug it off if it is within my needs. And yet I feel compelled not to shrug it off.
No - it is never personal when they make these sort of comments. For most people, they're trying to make sure they're not sluffing. But yesterday, I was just feeling acute anger at everything and nothing at all during class!!!! Wtf.
Again - the focus for the rest of class was gone, gone, gone.
-Angela
Yesterday it was more like, getting on my nerves. I felt like I didn't push as hard, but no doubt it still was better than not going at all.
I have higher hopes for tonight as for being the observer, focusing, leaving my ego at the door (seriously - I think that one is hard) and getting more out of it. I was wondering if my PMSing might have something to do with feeling irritated. The teacher was not a bad one... I just felt annoyed... especially when for the first time in many classes I took a sip of water out of turn because I was just feeling unfocused - and she called me out saying I could wait for water. Well - that turned my ridiculous sense of "the fuck if you'll tell me what to do" on, which is pretty much cause to throw all my focus out the window right there. Because... once I get like that - it's hard for me to bring my brain back.
I know I'm being irrational and sometimes childish when I get this way. I know that once someone "tells me" what to do, I should just shrug it off if it is within my needs. And yet I feel compelled not to shrug it off.
No - it is never personal when they make these sort of comments. For most people, they're trying to make sure they're not sluffing. But yesterday, I was just feeling acute anger at everything and nothing at all during class!!!! Wtf.
Again - the focus for the rest of class was gone, gone, gone.
-Angela
