Ahhhh canceled classes ruining my Yoga run!

[angelak]

Awwww, damn the weather. LOL. It's not SO bad. I had finally decided I would venture out for the 6:30 class no matter what, when I called the studio to check for updates to find they'd canceled the 6:30. On some level I was glad, on some other level I was irritated. Not with the studio itself, but with the circumstance.

Last class was not the best class I've had. I wanted to go back and prove to myself that it is all a process and that when I DO go back, it will all fall back into place. Although, on some level it was also nice to have an excuse not to go.

I was going to take a walk in luei of the exercise to replace it - but I just laid in bed all night with Jim. It was nice. Until he went to work, when I went to bed. I ate poorly in the evening to boot. But that's ok. I'd freak out, but I am beyond worrying these days about that sort of thing incessantly. If I want something, I should have it – provided I don't constantly shove my face full of garbage.

I ditched my scale recently to ensure that I focus more on lifestyle than arbitrary numbers. It had begun to irritate me. Anyhow, yesterday at the office I got a bunch of stuff closed out. That was nice. I was busy all day and skipped lunch – although I did eat some garbage at a potluck while installing Photoshop CS4 on someone's machine. Damn, do they install a bunch of random other garbage (my word of the day) when you install CS4...

I didn't really look too closely to see what it was. Oh well. So while waiting for that bloated program to install, I went and grabbed some bites to eat. I tried to keep it modest. Randy in Clerks tends to make this really fattening mac and cheese. While good – it is never THAT good to overindulge on. I actually find it a bit too heavy – which is odd because I love mac and cheese. So I had a small bit. I don't know, I had a poor food day, so today I will make up for it. And the damn cops gave me chocolate when I was in the PD. It made me feel good when the records folks made a big deal that I came over for a request. They always make me feel very wanted and needed over there, and they always want to talk to me.

Especially if I stay away for a while. They take that opportunity to crap talk annoying co-worker who was reassigned over there. They like me and the TS so much better, but that is what it is.
And I realized yet again how much I like MK, the ex-jailer, become-records specialist. He is so nice.
He is also so much happier now that he is out of jail (haha) Thus why, I'd really never want to be a jailer.

Like I once told several people – being paid to be in jail or being forced to be there is much similar :P
He once said he failed a test to work for IPD and it had been a blessing in disguise. It took me a moment to realize that he was referring to the fact I was || close to testing before I got injured.
I only caught it much later because of how he said it – but he was referring to perhaps the timing of my own injury. Maybe it isn't so bad. And then last night when it hit me what he meant by that, did it become obvious that life... might just give me what I need, when I need it.

I have been oh-so-fearful to lose my opportunities to do things that I have in my heart as dreams...
The truth is, it's still there and I don't have to cling so hard to them. I don't have to cling so hard to my performance and fitness because when the time is right, I can get it all back. It's all there. If I just learn to seriously let loose and heal ALL of me, and not just my knees – I think the rest of this stuff will fall into place when it is supposed to. This is the first time I could “let go” of these little blackened fears.

Same with my weight situation. Just because I can't do the EXACT formula I had for months and months that worked oh-so-well for me, doesn't me I'm going to expand immediately. I'm not going to suddenly blink and be what I once was. I've changed the core of my body and now it's different. It took me months to build muscle, layer by layer – and I didn't even know I was doing it. I just knew I was following my own self disciplined schedule. Well, if I've done that once I can do it at any time in my life. Once I decide on things, I can have them because I have a kind of will that is pretty good at accomplishing the things I want most.

So, in the last 2 weeks I feel like somehow, someway – I've found the path to this sort of realization of self. IT is also why I know I must, must, must keep doing Yoga as much as I can. Whether it frustrates the hell out of me or not. Whether it eats into my other fitness time or not. I also enjoy that it has taken my life and filled it up outside of work. And suddenly I'm not longing for someone else, something else, a missing piece to a puzzle that I don't know about.

Needless to say Jim and I are also having a lot of pleasant, unbickering time lately. For this I have zero complaints. We are also really just settled into the house about now. It feels like home, and our finances are starting to make a little more sense and be a tiny bit less creepy :P

New home ownership can be scary – particularly for a first time. But I am really good at not spending money, and have settled into it just fine :D

I am tempted to take a jaunt up the hill to see how everything is going at home and say “hi,” to Jimbo.
I am also tempted to spend a few dollars and get some snow chains just for the sake of it. So I can own them for the next decade. They seem like a handy thing to have around and I never had a reason to buy any since I was a driving adult.

I have a feeling if I don't hit a mid-afternoon Yoga class today, there will be no opportunity to go. Damn! I ask myself whether I should drive down early on lunch to accomplish this. It has put a real damper on my fresh-routine of hitting it hard and heavy as often as I am able. Shoot!

Whatever. I think I should go home, brew some coffee, say hi to Jim on my break – and perhaps hit the FM and see if they have some $60 chains. It's a once-only expense, really. Just to have them on until this snow melts. I want to be able to drive to Joshua's Yule fete with no real issues. Also if I want to drive to Yoga...

I also want to get my haircut. WHEN THE FUCK CAN I DO this? Oh yeah, and I'd like to see if I can run or CT sometime today. WTF. Whatever. Hahaa.
oh hey - though. My fake tanning lotion is getting a chance to build up in my skin because I have not been to Yoga since Wednesday night tho!


-Angela