Quick Update.

[angelak]

Ah. I had a pretty sizable rift with Steve last night. But somehow things worked themselves out, even though I felt like breaking up with him, even though I was doubting every part of us. I don't understand how we can come out of it, and then be fine. But we do, every time.

What can be said? I went to bed not so upset, and even at a decent time. And I got some good sleep. I hope Cheryl is doing alright with her situations. *hugs* To Cheryl, and goodluck with your mother. Sleep helps everything, I've seen this, and so have you :)


I don't know. It's the weirdest thing. I was envisioning just how it would be like to be without Steve. It didn't upset me like it normally did. Suddenly I saw freedom, instead of loss.

I mean, shouldn't I feel more hesitant after 4 years? Really? Well. I just feel like I am limited to exploring myself. But, I really don't think I want to leave him. I just want to have the chance to be poly, and that is something he very much so doesn't want at this time.

I mean... I'm tired of being the girl that can't really be hit on, to an extent, and I'm tired of being the girl who is off limits. I really am. Perhaps that's shallow, but I love the rush of feeling things for new people and the butterflies of love. And once in an established relationship, those are mostly gone, and I know that. I'm no stranger. I love Steve, and I love what we have. But, I feel a bit trapped, a bit held down in that respect. I love him so much I don't want to leave him.

But I want to try being poly and that isn't an option at this time. I pray that if I wait long enough, he'll loosen up. But he's so very conservative...

Although I’ve long accepted that anything is possible. If I want it badly enough, it will manifest somehow. I just hope it manifests in the best way. Not the worst way. Some people tell you that you can’t have everything you want. But I beg to differ. I think that somehow, when the universe deems it right, I will get there. Is that crazy to be so sure of it deep within? Perhaps that drive will be the force that makes it all possible. I love Steve so much. I know right now, the reason I feel like pulling away is just the frustration of realizing that this is what I want, and this isn’t what he wants. But, I still believe I can stay afoot and not fall down. I am so not going to lose Steve, and somehow, someday, someway… it’ll all work out. I just have to be patient and stop panicking with Steve so much. I panic and that isn’t going help.


It’s all good.

-Angela

Comments

[vixenesque93.livejournal.com]

*more hugs* I'm online if you want to talk!

[lordofsporks.livejournal.com]

Honestly I doubt he will want to be poly. Most guys cant handle it, including myself. Maybe your relationship with him has run its course, or maybe it just needs something to get it moving again, but in either case if really feel the need to get away from it, perhapse its better to call it off, or at least go on a break. Just my 2 inexperienced cents.

[violindaine.livejournal.com]

She's not saying that she wants Steve to be poly. He doesn't have to be poly to date a poly person. He just isn't currently willing to accept what Angela wants.

Vicki.

[ithisia.livejournal.com]

Yes. That's exactly it.

-Angela

[lordofsporks.livejournal.com]

Perhapse, but that tends to not work either. Odds are good that he would become poly well before he let his significant other (Angela) become poly.

[lordofsporks.livejournal.com]

Of course, if all you really want is for him to just accept that you are poly, but necessarly let you date other guys, than thats a different story.

oh hun

[shivana.livejournal.com]

Its kinda sounds like you have a bit of a crossroads
sorry I cant be of any assistence but i'm listening

I think it will all work out to (your an inspiration to me )
kyrie

p.s. whats up with Cheryl? Is she having probs w/ her mom agian?