angelak | Knees and pain

Okay.
Today is lame.
They hurt pretty badly today.
I have no real explanation for why. They weren't great yesterday, but they weren't like this either.
I'm having another episode of extreme unsettled, hopelessness.
I'd elaborate but I have so little left in me tonight.
Jim tries to reassure me. I would give anything to believe that this was going to go away.
I had 5 days off of work and it seemed to improve.
Back to the routine plus maybe my workouts?
I'm not sure, I can't pinpoint this.
Jim's suggestion is to not work out at all for a week.
No Yoga, nothing. No CT. Obviously no running.
I feel very crushed.
I don't want to do that. :(

And then more friend drama, my boss asking me to do moves that endanger my knees... I feel like my world is caving in on me. I have so little left in me tonight. I skipped Yoga tonight.
He thinks if I try not doing ANYTHING, even though the doc had no problem with the things that I've been working on. NO Bikram, no nothing.

I don't know how to react to all this. I don't think it will help. I think I have tried this in the past to be honest. I feel so angry. So angry. Angry beyond words that I can't get past this.
This makes me really not like life. I'm sorry - but that's the truth.
:(

People deal with tons worse, but this IS what I am dealing with.
I have no one or nothing tonight.
He had to go to work.
Fuck it all.
I hate everything :(
And to Kelsi who said I should call Mel because she is not happy... she then tells me she doesn't want to be a middleman. Right? So why'd you tell me to try and talk to Mel? Because this might ruin YOUR party in a week and a half? I'm a mess and don't care about anyone right now. I just want to fade away.

-Angela