Workplace fun
May. 12th, 2009 12:37 pm![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
angelakFun. Fun, fun.
Team meeting days are my most dreaded part of this job, usually.
Why? Because it exposes to me how my condition is taken by my superior.
It took me months to ask to get team meeting reassigned to a seated venue.
And then it happened and everyone gave me crap. We moved our venue to somewhere seated for my condition.
Finally getting used to the ease of being on the same level as everyone during the meeting - getting comfortable with a real venue.
Julie sustained some knee problems within the last 1-2 months. I've been dealing with mine for about 14-15 months now. (I have more status on that - but first stories first).
Now, we're moving the meetings upstairs. The way the boss sounds to me is a lot more serious in listening to her concerns and dealing with her issue. Less joking. Less comic. More serious. This really grates on me. Mine always seemed to be some fucking laughing matter. It was my fault that when they made jokes, I didn't say much. That's because I was afraid if I did, I'd cry.
Yes. I became THAT sensitive about it. I'm not proud of that - but I'm human. It felt like there was all sorts of pressure around my requests. Now I get to watch a woman in her 40s, instead of me - a woman in her 20s, get a lot different treatment than me.
It really bothers me. So now, we're meeting upstairs to avoid wear and tear on HER knees. No one is giving her garbage over it. It's just happening, no questions and garbage attached. THAT SHOULD HAVE BEEN HOW IT WAS FOR ME.
I've been having a really super morning.
This minor disruption annoys me.
Ahhh, hell. I'm letting it pass over me - I won't let these co workers steal my peace.
A part of me feels like Julie is also doing it enjoyably because, 1- She hates me, 2- She enjoys powerplay.
I understand she has a real condition - which, the doctors say she could make go away with surgery, but she chooses not to take that option out of fear of surgery -....
But ja. I also happen to know she is eating this whole thing up.
Goody.
Whatever. I will sit and stare at everyone's knees in the meeting while I sit down and they stand around the same damn fucking counter that started a lot of pain for me weekly and no one gave a crap.
No one will steal my peace today though. I will write this over and over again and repeat it to myself, because none of it is worth my happiness. None of this stupid bullshit here at work matters.
And to be honest... today I woke up and walked around in my body and felt - yet again, a markedly lower level of pain. And I ran yesterday!!!!!
Maybe my life is falling into place.
Even if these people at the office remind me that people assume if you're 24, it's ok to make jokes about your pain and your hardships.
Do 60 year olds love to see kids like me struggle this way? Maybe they have no idea because my pain doesn't show on my face or in my body when I move. I like to think I'm a tough girl, I've done my best to show how vulnerable I was. It's hard when I just don't naturally belly-ache about pain. It's been something I wasn't nearly as sensitive to my whole life. My mom attests.
I think lifting/circuit training on lunch will give me a great opportunity to drop any tension this has given me. Thank gods!
I am getting stronger and the pain is leaving my body. The hope welling inside of me grows.
-Angela
Team meeting days are my most dreaded part of this job, usually.
Why? Because it exposes to me how my condition is taken by my superior.
It took me months to ask to get team meeting reassigned to a seated venue.
And then it happened and everyone gave me crap. We moved our venue to somewhere seated for my condition.
Finally getting used to the ease of being on the same level as everyone during the meeting - getting comfortable with a real venue.
Julie sustained some knee problems within the last 1-2 months. I've been dealing with mine for about 14-15 months now. (I have more status on that - but first stories first).
Now, we're moving the meetings upstairs. The way the boss sounds to me is a lot more serious in listening to her concerns and dealing with her issue. Less joking. Less comic. More serious. This really grates on me. Mine always seemed to be some fucking laughing matter. It was my fault that when they made jokes, I didn't say much. That's because I was afraid if I did, I'd cry.
Yes. I became THAT sensitive about it. I'm not proud of that - but I'm human. It felt like there was all sorts of pressure around my requests. Now I get to watch a woman in her 40s, instead of me - a woman in her 20s, get a lot different treatment than me.
It really bothers me. So now, we're meeting upstairs to avoid wear and tear on HER knees. No one is giving her garbage over it. It's just happening, no questions and garbage attached. THAT SHOULD HAVE BEEN HOW IT WAS FOR ME.
I've been having a really super morning.
This minor disruption annoys me.
Ahhh, hell. I'm letting it pass over me - I won't let these co workers steal my peace.
A part of me feels like Julie is also doing it enjoyably because, 1- She hates me, 2- She enjoys powerplay.
I understand she has a real condition - which, the doctors say she could make go away with surgery, but she chooses not to take that option out of fear of surgery -....
But ja. I also happen to know she is eating this whole thing up.
Goody.
Whatever. I will sit and stare at everyone's knees in the meeting while I sit down and they stand around the same damn fucking counter that started a lot of pain for me weekly and no one gave a crap.
No one will steal my peace today though. I will write this over and over again and repeat it to myself, because none of it is worth my happiness. None of this stupid bullshit here at work matters.
And to be honest... today I woke up and walked around in my body and felt - yet again, a markedly lower level of pain. And I ran yesterday!!!!!
Maybe my life is falling into place.
Even if these people at the office remind me that people assume if you're 24, it's ok to make jokes about your pain and your hardships.
Do 60 year olds love to see kids like me struggle this way? Maybe they have no idea because my pain doesn't show on my face or in my body when I move. I like to think I'm a tough girl, I've done my best to show how vulnerable I was. It's hard when I just don't naturally belly-ache about pain. It's been something I wasn't nearly as sensitive to my whole life. My mom attests.
I think lifting/circuit training on lunch will give me a great opportunity to drop any tension this has given me. Thank gods!
I am getting stronger and the pain is leaving my body. The hope welling inside of me grows.
-Angela
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Date: 2009-05-12 07:57 pm (UTC)I know what you mean, about being so young with problems. Like, my back, I got so many looks and laughs and "yeah, okay"s... as if I was totally exaggerating my condition. It's hard to be in that place when it's real, when you know you don't want to be there, shouldn't be there, and are working so hard to not be there. And with my asthma, some other students were shocked when I mentioned my asthma recently, and one was even like "what? oh please you're always fine in class!" But that's because I work so hard to be okay and push through it and not show weakness.
I'm sorry you have to deal with this... but keep going - for yourself. =)
Aw thanks!
Date: 2009-05-12 09:26 pm (UTC)Thanks so much.
Ahhh, the parallels. I'd write more but my brain is blanking! lol.
-Angela