Intense Transitioning Happening

[angelak]

It seems that ever since mid-June, my life has hit a strange and new place. I spent a lot of down time for obvious reasons on my medical leave. I believe it has 100% to do with the process of healing the tendons in entirety; they needed me to stop putting pressure on them in any fashion. Standing, walking everyday, stairs everyday. Yes – I live in a tri-level townhouse. No, I didn't spend much time moving about for 2 weeks. I stopped working out the week before my medical leave: June 14th, 2009.
(This was a hard decision for me, but I believe in all essences that the path with heart was asking me to give it up after I had done enough Yogic meditation to reach this mentality.)

I'll explore some ideas about NSAIDs in just a minute – which along with other movements were included.
The previously stated, not moving about for 2 weeks, has had several effects.

Biggest thing is that now that I am back from leave, I can see just how active my job is. It's not a sedentary desk job, like I always assumed. I am really beginning to understand why I was driven to do this job on a unconscious level all along: it's an in motion position. At least the way this organization runs our IT, and the way I've allowed it to perpetuate.

It has in the past combined 3 of my favorite elements:
1- Talking to people (this includes teaching, it empowers me to teach people)
2- Moving, carrying stuff, wandering around – not sitting in one place. I love to be on the move.
3- Technology. Computers, electronics, the like. These are things I have always enjoyed – thanks to my father who introduced toys to me at such a young age. It also always had a warm feeling to it because the essence of my father lives on in my innate interest and ability to flow with technical knowledge.

I have never ever taken a look at why I ended up doing this supporting, IT position for my livelihood.
One of the things I've had to fight with in my current job scene is confidence and authority. I guess I've always had a tendency to believe lower of myself than is necessary. It took watching someone I knew very well, enact the job I was to end up doing and observing his (what I percieved then) as arrogance and unwitting lack of knowledge into a working support system for other people.

This friend of mine had the same knowledge base as me. The difference between us in the beginning was his level of belief in himself and his abilities. As I spent more time working with this friend, (we'll call him Travis, because that's the friend) I realized that I too had just as much (if not slightly better in some areas) support skills and abilities.

It showed me that my level of confidence was too low for my skill levels. Thanks to Travis, I was able to see what I could be – and become that. Travis and I have a friendship that I value in this fashion. He is always a good support and sounding board alley when regarding our professional lives. I treasure this.

So, my weaknesses were in realizing my own potential. Years later, I know I'm a skilled at my job.
Now – these realizations are just the beginning of many other push off points. But right now I'm going to stop this train of thought and move on.

So, I had some definite goals in 2007 that pushed me to change my reality. I gained new confidence in areas I didn't believe were possible until I reached for them. And then of course the injury of 2008 happened. This has been a single most difficult growth period in my life. Right now I am really beginning to see the compounded benefits to going through this time. IN this moment, right now – I feel like I don't think I'd have wanted to continue my life the path it was headed. It wasn't right.

Some part of me might have known, but I was barrelling ahead at full speed. I believe in order to continue my life in the best way, I needed to really understand at an instrinsic level, the things I am picking up right now. Part of that path was discovering Bikram Yoga. Part of the path is also to try some definite conscious self improvement methods to form a life that is stronger than the one I may have achieved in the altnernate reality where I continued to be that super-athlete that I was in early 2008. (Don't worry, I fully intend to recreate a different version of that girl, nothing fulfills me like fitness).

Which – by the way, I miss Yoga. This Sunday will have marked 4 weeks of not working out, and 4 weeks off the Yoga mat. My deep voice (the one that sits below my stomach and above my sexual organs) is telling me that the time is right to return to my practice. (And to remember just that, the Yoga is MY practice).

A well deserved reward for so much patience, is going to be the ever-insane task of my first class back. I think Tuesday, the 14th of July is going to be that day for me. (As to ensure I took a full circuit of days off, no returning too early).

So, taking such a long leave and then going back to work highlights the physical aspect of my job.
It is giving me the abilities to narrow down a lot of things I “automatically” did because “that's what I've always done,” or “because that is what people do right?”

I am growing closer to living in the moment more effectively by having gone through this.
A lot of minor insecurity arose surrounding my shape shifting.

NSAIDs.

Non Steriod Anti Inflammitory Drugs.
I really needed these. I had no idea how much I needed them until I was on them for 2 weeks (I took them for just over 3 weeks as perscribed by Doctor #3). Benefit to NSAIDs: I became aware of more than just the “dull, constant, pain” of everyday. I could FEEL my tendons and their responses, instead of pain. They also helped my body get rid of the inflammation and deal with the injury differently. Coupled with time off and sitting stationary=bingo. More effective tendon regeneration.

Other effects? Instant weight gain. Truly, I put on 5 lbs in the first 3 days (YES I noticed) and then subsequently, I refused to step on a scale. Beyond scales, I know how my body FEELS and I know when numbers would just harm me more than focusing on other things. It was hard to ignore though, I can't deny it. 5-10lbs in 3 weeks, is the equivelent of 1/3 of what I lost over the course of 9 mo. To a year.

So, to be sure, I was definitely fighting anxiety over this. Combine the 3 magick formula ingredients, NO workouts (real rest), NSAIDs, and not even walking around doing day to day stuff=this.

I tried to control my intake, but NSAIDs rendered me in need of more in my stomach than my caloric intake needs would be. I had to suck it up and get over it. I have learned that this is not so unheard of with NSAIDs, and that it can take a couple weeks for the NSAIDs to drop out of your system if you take them as long as I did. This is more good news than bad I think. And in just over a week or so, I am expecting to be back at my more usual size/shape. Relief.

I am mostly over the notion and going full on into focused food mode.
Also accepting that I am beautiful just how I am. Right Now.
Also having found several good books on subjects that are about involved life management, I am feeling ready to tackle life.

Consequently, things are shifting. They are certainly in a place that I prefer over where my life has been. A lot of things I am learning right now will definitely transfer over.

I have found via Steve Pavlina about 30 day trials. Borrowed from the software industry (sharewareish) days where you could try a game for 30 days to see if you liked it, it is found that most times if you play a game for 30 days, you will either hate it, or want to keep playing.

Steve's approach is that you can do this for pretty much ANYTHING related to your life and habits.
My first 30 day trial is the “early riser,” trial.

I will get up at 5AM, without hitting my snooze button for 30 days straight. Day 1, being today.
It also struck a cord. Bikram borrows from this same concept. It is also known that if you feel like it, the trial can be extended to 60 or 90 days. Wow, impressive right? Something to it with Bikram, and every other habit you'd have. Once you get past the initial 30 days, inertia will keep it going if you do want to keep a habit and make it permanent. But if you want to toss it into the waste bin because it doesn't fly for you, at least you have a real comprehensive idea of WHY, and what about it works and doesn't work for you.

If it works, it's a no brainer. You'll want to keep doing whatever it is. I think I can gain a lot of personal efficiency time if I get up that 1.5 hrs early every single day. Weekends included.

If the 30 day trial of 5AM works, I may then stair step and turn it into 4AM, because for me, starting work at 7AM means 5AM is just enough to get a good workout in. (When I am indeed working out).

4AM would also allow me to spend 30 minutes cleaning my house every day, and then maybe some down time right? We'll see. So, this one is a 2for1.

I am not going to use the snooze button any longer on my alarm clock.
I am not going to sleep past 5AM for 29 more days.
I will ponder perhaps one or two other 30 day trials to choose to conduct around the same time, but for now this is the main one. He recommends sticking to only one or two at once so that you do not become overwhelmed.

Anyways. This being said, my knees are shifting. It is less tendinitis, more general pain relating to mechnically how I move. I am working with the Physical Therapists and have learned some new ways to do simple things: Stairs, and getting in and out of chairs.

These 2 things, the new way, have been a huge work out for me. I say this being a fit, and athletic sort. This tells me that yes – indeed. I have not ever moved the ways they are suggesting - in my life.
Right now I am beginning to think that the localized pain is now muscle pain (from moving in ways I've never tried to move like before). Every day provides a slightly different experience.
My Physical Therapist also cleared me to do 30 minutes of mild exercise a day.
(A walk. The e machine backwards, to enhance my hamstrings. The bike – I think she means stationary bike).

We are starting out with that. This makes me incredibly happy. With the understanding that I should stretch, ice, and use the rolling pin of doom:



This guy has a dick-eating grin on his face.
But for me, the task is rather pain-staking. It's outright painful.
Maybe I will get Jim to take a nice pained photograph of me using mine and post it soon. Wouldn't that be fun!??!

I can get at least a low level daily SOMETHING!
By the way, I should use the rolling pin of doom in front of people so they can laugh at my face.
I seriously make pained faces while using that thing. It is a torture device that I entirely do not regret investing in. The pain eventually pays off by the reverse when I relieve tension out of the awesome tight IT bands. Not to be confused with the IT offices.

Iliotibial bands.
The gluteal muscles and the muscles on the side of your hip attach to the top, and the lower part attaches to the tibia, just below the knee.

Good times. I think my over-pronation causes this issue in the current moment.
Regardless. I am looking forward to my next appointment with the therapist at 8AM on Monday. A full 3 hrs after I awaken! Hah.


I could write more, but I think I've gotten a few things into my blog-records.

-Angela