Weekend less awesome than last weekend ;)
Sep. 14th, 2009 03:39 pm![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
angelakTrying to regain a sense of myself today. Feeling like it’s all a bit off kilter again today. I haven’t gone to Yoga in a couple of days. 3 days, actually. And up until now, it has been a regular thing, 4-6 times a week. Trying to figure out what my “plan,” is. I’ve been working hard and feeling progress in the past couple of weeks. Last night when I undercut my calories for the morning/afternoon, I found a complete crash. Which then typically accounts for “eating without abandon,” sort of situations. That happened and that was okay. Anything was better than how I felt!
Right now I feel pretty “puffy.” We tried Tutta Bella last night instead of hanging out with some friends because, when I tried to drive to said location, I missed the 520 exit and when I began to suggest we had gone too far our solution was, “well if we hit Lynnwood we know we passed it.” By then I was pretty much in a state of mental meltdown. But I didn’t. Melt down. I worked through it relatively successfully.
Jim knew we both wanted to try Tutta Bella and he knew I was pretty bummed out about things in general. Some Grandma days are tough. The last 2 Grandma days, while fun on many levels, also made me somehow end up in a strange “beginning,” of my depressive cycle.
Bad.
I had planned to go to a get together with some friends, prior. But then I didn’t see my mom for many weeks. So when she (out of the norm) invited me out on the Sunday morning (5ish AM-3-4PM usually) I figured I could still swing over to the friend-get together.
I ate too light during the day.
The day dragged on. I happily saw mom, but also felt weird after processing the whole, “look at how my Grandparents are now. Look how they’ve changed…” and a bunch of things I’d struggle to put into words.
Normally fine, I should have eaten. I figured I’d wait until we hit the “get together.”
Dumb idea.
Writing down the directions because I cannot find my GPS, we headed out. I felt reluctant, but I realized I really wanted to go on some level. We left, I felt pretty sharp. (Jagged sharp, not sharp as in – wit).
Missed exit, wasted gas, felt growing amounts of anger and frustration, and suddenly felt 100% overwhelmed notion of trying to pretend I was happy with my pals. The idea seemed like this huge thing that I suddenly could not deal with – right? So, I chose not to.
We went home. He insisted immediately to leave to Tutta Bella. I felt good. I had 2 glasses of wine because I was feeling pretty tense. Good idea annnd bad idea. I had a good time at the Italian restaurant and ordered a veggie calzone. Wanted dessert but Jimmy didn’t want dessert and so I let his response stand to the waitress even though I sort of wanted something.
Instead I went home and chose to eat ice cream.
Wine + Ice Cream + Sodiumy calzone = me feeling a bit. Gross.
Crashed early, at 9. Woke up 3 hours later at 12 feeling like an asshole.
Demanded water from Jim (he got it for me in what in my insane brain seemed like the dumbest, smallest glass ever). Usually don't ask for things to be brought to me, so this was definitely out of the norm! And no less, I was pissy in spite of him ACTUALLY getting me the water!!!!!
Tried to sleep more, was still thirsty.
Went to go fill my water filter and broke the glass when it fell over. By then I was feeling more SHARP annoyance. Turned into a momentary bitch until I went to sleep finally. He hung out and I laid awake feeling… impossibly irritated. Finally fell asleep and got some rest and didn’t feel evil anymore.
Woke up, wanted to hang out for a few minutes before I went to work. Felt like I’d lost ass progress over the weekend as my jeans were no longer fitting as loose (I’m guessing sodium fluid retention at this point). Somehow left in a huffy fashion to go to work on MONDAY, my usual scheduled day off.
EOC run through. Emergency operations stuff, for Pandemic exercises. This means I came in to ensure that when we get confused calls from our users about our run-through with the technology, I’m here to walk them through it.
Good news? I’m still going to work 4-10s, this week. I’ll take Friday instead of my usual Monday – snagged a 4 day weekend in the process. Maybe by then I’ll have lightened up. I feel bad and don’t know how to make it up to Jim that I’ve been so moody. Felt moody all weekend. Like my caloric needs are imbalanced. Or the foods I’m choosing. I’m sort of reeling to find a balance point. Where is that?
Anyway. Work still to be done.
-Angela
Right now I feel pretty “puffy.” We tried Tutta Bella last night instead of hanging out with some friends because, when I tried to drive to said location, I missed the 520 exit and when I began to suggest we had gone too far our solution was, “well if we hit Lynnwood we know we passed it.” By then I was pretty much in a state of mental meltdown. But I didn’t. Melt down. I worked through it relatively successfully.
Jim knew we both wanted to try Tutta Bella and he knew I was pretty bummed out about things in general. Some Grandma days are tough. The last 2 Grandma days, while fun on many levels, also made me somehow end up in a strange “beginning,” of my depressive cycle.
Bad.
I had planned to go to a get together with some friends, prior. But then I didn’t see my mom for many weeks. So when she (out of the norm) invited me out on the Sunday morning (5ish AM-3-4PM usually) I figured I could still swing over to the friend-get together.
I ate too light during the day.
The day dragged on. I happily saw mom, but also felt weird after processing the whole, “look at how my Grandparents are now. Look how they’ve changed…” and a bunch of things I’d struggle to put into words.
Normally fine, I should have eaten. I figured I’d wait until we hit the “get together.”
Dumb idea.
Writing down the directions because I cannot find my GPS, we headed out. I felt reluctant, but I realized I really wanted to go on some level. We left, I felt pretty sharp. (Jagged sharp, not sharp as in – wit).
Missed exit, wasted gas, felt growing amounts of anger and frustration, and suddenly felt 100% overwhelmed notion of trying to pretend I was happy with my pals. The idea seemed like this huge thing that I suddenly could not deal with – right? So, I chose not to.
We went home. He insisted immediately to leave to Tutta Bella. I felt good. I had 2 glasses of wine because I was feeling pretty tense. Good idea annnd bad idea. I had a good time at the Italian restaurant and ordered a veggie calzone. Wanted dessert but Jimmy didn’t want dessert and so I let his response stand to the waitress even though I sort of wanted something.
Instead I went home and chose to eat ice cream.
Wine + Ice Cream + Sodiumy calzone = me feeling a bit. Gross.
Crashed early, at 9. Woke up 3 hours later at 12 feeling like an asshole.
Demanded water from Jim (he got it for me in what in my insane brain seemed like the dumbest, smallest glass ever). Usually don't ask for things to be brought to me, so this was definitely out of the norm! And no less, I was pissy in spite of him ACTUALLY getting me the water!!!!!
Tried to sleep more, was still thirsty.
Went to go fill my water filter and broke the glass when it fell over. By then I was feeling more SHARP annoyance. Turned into a momentary bitch until I went to sleep finally. He hung out and I laid awake feeling… impossibly irritated. Finally fell asleep and got some rest and didn’t feel evil anymore.
Woke up, wanted to hang out for a few minutes before I went to work. Felt like I’d lost ass progress over the weekend as my jeans were no longer fitting as loose (I’m guessing sodium fluid retention at this point). Somehow left in a huffy fashion to go to work on MONDAY, my usual scheduled day off.
EOC run through. Emergency operations stuff, for Pandemic exercises. This means I came in to ensure that when we get confused calls from our users about our run-through with the technology, I’m here to walk them through it.
Good news? I’m still going to work 4-10s, this week. I’ll take Friday instead of my usual Monday – snagged a 4 day weekend in the process. Maybe by then I’ll have lightened up. I feel bad and don’t know how to make it up to Jim that I’ve been so moody. Felt moody all weekend. Like my caloric needs are imbalanced. Or the foods I’m choosing. I’m sort of reeling to find a balance point. Where is that?
Anyway. Work still to be done.
-Angela
