angelak | I'm in the air over California

I’m flying over California right now. It’s been a bit of a head trip. Leavenworth was fun with Barry and Jim, but I was ready to get away from having a “guest” in my home and ready to get out of town. Was hard to say goodbye to Jim and really get all touchy feely with us distracted maybe a little, but the trip was really nice. I was very excited when Barry initially told us he would be in town months ago, and then I found out I was going to go to training and realized his original visit was going to land in the middle of training. I was so sad. Then when Jim spoke with Barry, he rescheduled it so I could see him just a little bit before I left! I was so excited. I love Barry. He’s a good guy, and we always have fun with him. It feels good to have gained family through Jim. Barry is interesting. Parts about him do drive me nuts (he’s a neat freak, my house is never neat). Parts about him are endearing. He’s always smiling and chuckling and he doesn’t mind our humor.
So, the reschedule and the day or so I really got to spend with the 2 of them together was great. The last night at home was rough. When we got home late evening, I finished my packing and immediately was feeling strange. First off, on the drive home I started feeling ucky. I didn’t particularly feel nervous… mostly just having PMS symptoms. Now, normally they’re mild. And I didn’t know they were PMS symptoms.
At home I was definitely ansty. Barry and Jim were content to just sit around after I finished packing. I couldn’t do that. My running shoes are in LA, and were last night too. I opted to throw my othodics in my regular tennis shoes and hit Gilman Blvd. Run away everything, right? That’s how I handle any situation where I’m going through stuff.

While it was risky – changing footwear for me with my previous knee/foot history is ballzy. I know that a lot of people wouldn’t quite understand this… but I was so desperate to run that I took the risk.
It had started raining when we got home, and so I ran in the rain and it was beautiful.
Had to keep it short; my tendons signaled to me that “hey, bitch. How are you going to change up your shoes on me?! We’re here and we don’t like it.” So I cut it short and just a few miles. I’d have loved to hit 5 miles – I could have ran forever to drown out the din of Angelica and my monkey brain. (Angelica is the bitch me who isn’t very compassionate or nice to me – remember the bully from Rugrats? I’ve named my mean me Angelica). I hate her.

So anyway, drowning out her annoyingness with a run helped. But I found I was still overtly emotional even when I got home. Was hard to express myself with Barry there, but finally Jim and I talked before bed. I felt ridiculous for the things I was focusing on, considering I know there are bigger concerns for me. But, I let them be. And now I feel clearer for it. Especially since immediately on the other side of the security, at the gate – I found out I’m on day 1 of my period. Then it all made sense.
Nina mentioned something I very much like the idea of:

“you can also look at it as a good luck sign: your pulling in all your goddess energy as you embark on this spiritual quest..”

I’ll take this one. I like it. I mean, I’ll be on the red wave for my first class – and you know what? That’s fine. I believe each thing happens for a reason, and I enjoy believing it is my feminine power preparing me for this. It’s 10:30 now, I have 1 hour until we land in Southern California – 7 minutes away from where I will be staying until late November. Life is pretty amazing. I can only look back on my dark times and be blown away by what cliff I am standing at now. It’s just amazing. I know I already said that… but words can’t describe it. There are people down there waiting for me, people who want to meet me, people who will love me upon my arrival. I get choked up fast.
And you know, take off was crazy. I do feel my emotions are under a thin veil, just below the surface… I was watching every second as we took off and tears were close! It was hard to say goodbye to Jim. It was surreal to say goodbye to my dogs. I didn’t feel like being uber choked up, but I really could not dally saying goodbye – I knew I would cry if I did. I didn’t even watch him drive away… I was distracted though by trying to check my bag… the whole ordeal, just a strange haze. Security went without a hitch, although these particular pants are kinda loose without a belt. I just can’t wait to have all of my belongings in my room, know who my room mate is, and then get with the yogasphere people. My personal Hogwarts. Heidi says Bikram is excited for this session. I hope he gives us everything that he thinks we need most! No matter what that is. I have faith in this, and I will trust in the process a thousand, one hundred, and eleven times over. Even this whole right near my flight gate flow – I am trusting in that too.

I do regret not spending an hour or so more one on one just sit tight and close to Jim time. But I guess that wasn’t where I was at. I did enjoy making him straighten the back of my hair with my hair straightener this morning! Haha. Oh boy, it was cute ;) I had this idea as I was doing my hair (yes I straightened my hair for this meeting of all my new friends occasion).
Jeez I wish I had someone who could get the back of my hair moment.. oh look, there’s my man! ;)

A very special one at that. I kinda get choked up when I think about how I already miss him and I’m only on the plane. Look, my eyes are shiny now! It’s not that I miss him in the now per se, but I know I’ll miss him to pieces… okay, maybe I miss him a little right now. Must not think about it though! I’m tearing up! See, thin veil. The emotions are pretty high. All kinds! This isn’t bad, I’m just unaccustomed to so much happening at the pivotal “emotional” part of my cycle maybe? I have no idea!!!!! It is what it is.

Ah there, See normal eye balls are back.
Needless to say… studying the dialogue seemed really hard to do… so I did what any crazy person would do. I paid for on flight wifi. And here I am.
Landing in less than an hour…

Until next time, folks. It’s about to get REAL.

-Angela