angelak | Week 3 - The Real Posture Clinics Begin

Week three has just concluded. I can say without a doubt this is definitely pushing me to do more than I've ever done in my life. AS far as the week concluding - I technically count after the 8AM Saturday class (a half hour earlier than weekday classes). I am NOT on Team Saturday for week 3; that is a relief. I really, really, really, really, really need those extra 2-3 hours to STUDY more dialogue. I can't stress that enough.

I had another post half written about week 2 - but I figured I'd better take this opportunity to jot down some stuff. I also have some notes in a notebook that I can transfer into a blog post too. So this is how the posture clinics have gone:

Breakneck speed.
We all have been assigned into groups of 20 - these people in our group are the ones with the same letters in our last names. My group has a lot of English as a Second Language people, it's interesting. They make me feel better, and they also simultaneously blow my mind. Memorizing this as my first language is bad enough. Basically, they then combine two groups of 20 - we stay with our group of 20 everyday for posture clinics, but the second group changes every day - so you get a fresh set of people often. And yet at the same time, you also get to know other people via the posture clinics and see how everyone slowly... SLOOOOWLY improves. Or how the exact same perfect people are always verbatim, every clinic. I've been on an up and down roller coaster with the posture clinics. Mostly down this week. First couple postures - I started strong in the beginning of the postures with my verbatim dialogue, and lost the dialogue halfway through, where I would just find a way to get them out of the posture and hurry to get my feedback.

Basically all 40 people go through and one by one we deliver the dialogue with 3 demonstrators doing the pose we walk them through - and there is a panel of 2-4 teachers or senior teachers who critique our delivery. This environment is unlike any public speaking that most of us have ever done - even people who have lots of public speaking experience. Bikram speak is basically a different language - based off of English - but it's not really English. Anyway - so try memorizing and learning a new language and then getting up and reciting that in front of your buddies. Okay, it's worse than that because between our 2 classes a day, our 3 hour anatomy lectures each night, basically the only opportunities to study are at the lunch and dinner breaks, and of course, after midnight when anatomy lectures get out. So, at most for one posture I would get 2 hours to really delve in. I'm NOT a fast memorizer. I struggle with it every step of teh way. It feels as though everyone else is much quicker than me, so when I try to go work with other people, it definitely has taken a toll on my ego and emotions at the times I didn't realize I needed to back off, go do some solo work and not worry so damn much. Admittedly by Awkward pose, prior to delivery of parts 2 and 3 (it has 3 parts) I was in the second floor lobby in tears. How could I be so slow?!?! My pals all had it down pat! And we'd recite it for each other - but I would blank blank blank. The more pressure I put on myself, the more I blanked. Basically I have now figured out a few things. 1- The failure with them was robbing me of energy, I should have gone away on my own to do line by line - where as my buddies were quick enough to do paragraph by paragraph. Not me. 2- The second I was getting too much failure rate, I should have immediately changed my method. It's really about a few things: find a method that works, and realizing that everyone has their own rate of learning - and that my rate is just fine. It's just too slow to be a huge success in posture clinics. Which means I have to get up every posture knowing full well I'll probably be sloppy and bomb the posture delivery. And knowing that that's okay, because I can only learn as fast as I can learn.

I know for a fact one of the days I spent 2 times longer than a lot of my friends, and still bombed it. Some good feedback has come through though - from the lead teachers. Jim K, Bikram's right hand man was fortunately onto me (they also take notes for every clinic and it's in the notebook that each panel has so they can read about your history as now we've had severeal postures).
But I know deep inside my heart that once I get that dialogue into my head (it's already in my heart) that I will be amazing...
Digression - this is rough here. Especially since my nights go to 2AM and then I get up at 6 or 7 for the next yoga class, it's really a constant go-go-go. It's be in this room at this time, go to yoga, try to eat well, more yoga, more this, study study study, find a time to do laundry, and also study for that Monday Anatomy exam etc. All while being stuck up on the floor or in awful hotel chairs. While journeying through crowds of 400 people, many of them wandering around saying dialogue to themselves. They banned us from reciting dialogue in the Lobby - some were scaring the regular hotel guests. (I think the ones who were were not using common sense). When I've said it outloud in public, I hold up the book of dialogue so people can see I am reciting something. Even if I am not even looking at the words.

Needless to say, some very nice people stepped up and supported me these last few days. I would describe it in detail, but this entry is eating into my sleep time. We got let out EARLY from posture clinic, and here I am. Yikes! The stress is off a little. Just one more class tomorrow, and I will relax outside, do some errands, and really, really, really try and hit some serious postures in. As for practicing the 2 yoga classes a day? It's much easier than you would believe. I think I might really miss that when I go home.......what will I do?!?! I would never, ever, ever have guessed that those words would come from my keyboard regarding daily double yoga classes. Wow.

-Angela