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angelakNot full of a lot of words right now. Not remotely. Week 5 has been interesting. Working through the posture clinics, working through the yoga, learning how to relax through situations that I just can’t be any better in. Booked Jim’s flight early in the week so he could fly in this weekend. I felt much more grounded all week long. I started off the week delivering triangle and did pretty well if I do say so myself. Next day was not so great, but they’re all blurring together by the end of the week.
People all were saying it would be “hell” week. I get tired of the labeling and the mock predictions. The heat in the hot room went up Thursday and Friday. I worked very hard in these hot classes, especially the ones where Bikram was there. Jim Kallet’s Friday night class wasn’t really motivating, but we got through that too.
Then Jim came to visit. It was nice to have him here. I wish I had a mental head space for words about all the things going on. But I just feel inadequate to write down what is going on to me here. It’s and up and down process, and sometimes – I just don’t have words for any of it. I know I’m changing somehow, I know I am also becoming better and better at memorizing, but I feel unsure of what that really looks like. I miss Jim already, we just dropped him off at the airport.
He showed up after my Saturday morning class, and honestly it felt surreal. Having him here felt very natural, very normal – but it also felt like just by having him here, the yoga bubble was somewhat deflated. And I liked that. That was a good thing. I also felt like I was retaining the lines better with him here. Someone to talk to, to lean on, to touch… I think I miss touch the most here. It was almost easier without having seen him to not miss him because I had become so accustomed to it, in ways. But so much is clear to me now. How much our shared energy really works for me and who I am as a person, how much his company really is organic and comfortable and everything I could ask for in a partner. He’s the most perfect person I could never have imagined to share my life with.
He doesn’t have to do anything or be a certain way – he just is this for me.
So, I mostly retained 2 postures so far over the weekend and still have a few hours of the night to pick up one or two before bed? We’ll see. I figured I’d write in this blog before my brain falls out. He helped me study all weekend by just listening and letting me say stuff outloud and just generally being with me. So the touch part – the leaning on someone is the most difficult part.
The weekend with Jim included us renting a car so we could drive to Venice Beach, we went shopping there, Jim got 3 specialty shirts down on the boardwalk there, and I got one. We went to the Santa Monica pier, we ate at Bubba Gump’s – but the food was not the best for my sensitive apparently – system. Who knew my body would be more sensitive after all this probable detoxing? Today we went to Manhatten beach, had breakfast, got tea, went to a bakery, went and did all my errands, and just hung out at the ocean for a while, took a solid nap snuggling each other. He also went with me to Kohl’s to find more posture clinic clothes. Then we met up with Curtis for dinner, and Curtis took him to the airport and dropped me off back at the hotel.
The weekend with Jim felt long, but now that he is gone it is only mildly difficult to know I have 4 more weeks before I see him again, and a lot of work ahead of me. I just hope this week I can power through and stay strong. I know we’ll continue getting less sleep, and my body felt fatigued as hell this weekend. Hopefully I will regain energy as the week starts off and that I will be able to spit out words on que. I can see how nice it will be to come home and resume regular life with my best friend … that part is clear to me. Hard to see him go, it was a welcome reprieve from the “living with folks who know me, but not the real, real me.” Sigh. What a week last week was. I am proud of last week, but also looking ahead and feeling overwhelmed for week 6. And I’m not sure why!
-Angela
People all were saying it would be “hell” week. I get tired of the labeling and the mock predictions. The heat in the hot room went up Thursday and Friday. I worked very hard in these hot classes, especially the ones where Bikram was there. Jim Kallet’s Friday night class wasn’t really motivating, but we got through that too.
Then Jim came to visit. It was nice to have him here. I wish I had a mental head space for words about all the things going on. But I just feel inadequate to write down what is going on to me here. It’s and up and down process, and sometimes – I just don’t have words for any of it. I know I’m changing somehow, I know I am also becoming better and better at memorizing, but I feel unsure of what that really looks like. I miss Jim already, we just dropped him off at the airport.
He showed up after my Saturday morning class, and honestly it felt surreal. Having him here felt very natural, very normal – but it also felt like just by having him here, the yoga bubble was somewhat deflated. And I liked that. That was a good thing. I also felt like I was retaining the lines better with him here. Someone to talk to, to lean on, to touch… I think I miss touch the most here. It was almost easier without having seen him to not miss him because I had become so accustomed to it, in ways. But so much is clear to me now. How much our shared energy really works for me and who I am as a person, how much his company really is organic and comfortable and everything I could ask for in a partner. He’s the most perfect person I could never have imagined to share my life with.
He doesn’t have to do anything or be a certain way – he just is this for me.
So, I mostly retained 2 postures so far over the weekend and still have a few hours of the night to pick up one or two before bed? We’ll see. I figured I’d write in this blog before my brain falls out. He helped me study all weekend by just listening and letting me say stuff outloud and just generally being with me. So the touch part – the leaning on someone is the most difficult part.
The weekend with Jim included us renting a car so we could drive to Venice Beach, we went shopping there, Jim got 3 specialty shirts down on the boardwalk there, and I got one. We went to the Santa Monica pier, we ate at Bubba Gump’s – but the food was not the best for my sensitive apparently – system. Who knew my body would be more sensitive after all this probable detoxing? Today we went to Manhatten beach, had breakfast, got tea, went to a bakery, went and did all my errands, and just hung out at the ocean for a while, took a solid nap snuggling each other. He also went with me to Kohl’s to find more posture clinic clothes. Then we met up with Curtis for dinner, and Curtis took him to the airport and dropped me off back at the hotel.
The weekend with Jim felt long, but now that he is gone it is only mildly difficult to know I have 4 more weeks before I see him again, and a lot of work ahead of me. I just hope this week I can power through and stay strong. I know we’ll continue getting less sleep, and my body felt fatigued as hell this weekend. Hopefully I will regain energy as the week starts off and that I will be able to spit out words on que. I can see how nice it will be to come home and resume regular life with my best friend … that part is clear to me. Hard to see him go, it was a welcome reprieve from the “living with folks who know me, but not the real, real me.” Sigh. What a week last week was. I am proud of last week, but also looking ahead and feeling overwhelmed for week 6. And I’m not sure why!
-Angela
