angelak | 2AM, Steve, dear folks.

It’s only 8:30 in the morning. I woke up last night at 2AM not able to sleep. In turn I woke Steve up, because he noticed I was awake. We had a moment when he was purely supportive, as I talked to him about all my day’s worries. I got home late enough and he wasn’t home. So I talked to Jon on the phone, as I felt really crappy—and then gave up and went to sleep. So I didn’t get to talk to him about anything until 2AM when I awoke, worrying myself to death. Suddenly it became clear to me, why I continue with all the frustration of our relationship. For moments like 2AM when I worry myself so much that my stomach is binding itself, twisting itself in knots … and my brain is continuing to torment me.

He broke that torment, and he made it possible to sleep another 3 hrs. I needed him more than he realizes, last night.

He didn’t care that I woke him up. I think he felt needed… because he was definitely needed.

*sighs* I’m alright today so far. I’m surviving. Things don’t seem so bad. But I do need to make the move with the aircards WITHOUT profiles working. And that’s okay. Another solution has come to pass, and now I feel better about it all. The significance of this project worries me less, because other crap happened that made it feel less significant.

It’s all good. I can make it through the day. And today and Thursday have been reserved as Steve days, because I couldn’t do housework with him Tuesday. So I owe him some time. Frankly… I’d like nothing different than to be with him for the next 2 days. I have full confidence that we’ll even get along.

Speaking to the universe:
You’re doing this on purpose aren’t you? And laughing madly.

Speaking to Cheryl:
There was a shift. We felt it. It’s clear to me now. Things are settling.

Speaking to both Cheryl and Vicki:
Thank you both for listening to me. I can’t express how much I just needed a friend, and needed to talk. I think Bobby completely missed the point that I just needed a friend. His focus was elsewhere. That’s okay. I don’t want to whine.

SK:
I’d LOVE to have lunch with you today. I should call you.

-Angela