Mindless blabbering for the morning.
Jul. 6th, 2004 09:03 am![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
angelak7 hours sleep feels good. I incessantly feel blessed with this. Not too far in days past was it that I rarely got scarcely 5, and there were times that left me in a droning, mindless state of mind, and somehow I managed a level of service that was fair enough. I get off at 4 or 4:30 today. Certainly time I should spend with Steve at least walking. I am struggling to get back into the exercise routine. It feels impossible sometimes, but I reassure myself that after FoL there may be more room for that.
Seeing as FoL seems to be taking the 2 weekdays a week, and then SOMETHING has been happening on weekends to prevent me from my steady 3 plus days a week goal. I should get up earlier and do things, like I was for a brief amount of time. I must say, that when Steve didn’t try and drudge along with me, it was fun, it felt good, and it was an excellent source of alone time, to meditate. It’s hard to meditate when someone is following at a slower pace behind you. Problem is, whenever I try and start the early morning thing, Steve tried to come along. And mostly, he’s just bitchy in the morning because he is a BEAR to get up.
I think that’ll be next week’s goal. Get up at 4:30-5, and get 40 minutes to an hour or walking in, up that trail that goes up to my beloved Tiger mountain trailhead. Inna knows that that one is a workout. I’m sad so far. I have been so busy with OTHER things, that hiking has not been in the front line. I assure myself after FoL it’ll be better. I hope so. But it seems to weekends are quickly filling with many things. All good things, but none-the-less, it’s been a tired, worn, season for hiking, our climaxing experience being, a night of full rain.
It doesn’t help that James has been off with Melissa nonstop. I’m so happy for him, but as it always is, the precedence for any of this gets set back, and James is no longer his usual enthusiastic self to get out on the trail. Less momentum. It’s clear to me that I will have to be the main push this time. And Steve and I will have to journey alone. Which is fine, we’ve had some good trips alone. I am just used to James being around. Granted, his girlfriend is a sweetheart, and they interact with the family, and he’s just so adorably smitten, as is she. A match that couldn’t be more complete.
Nobody is in the office just yet. It’s sad. No one wants to come back from THAT 3 day weekend. Tim will obviously be in at 9—the other Tim is on vacation. What I really want, is FoL to come and go, so I can experience that fun, and then focus myself a little more into my health. I’m going on the “No aspartame,” diet, to see if it makes me feel any better. I hear it has all sorts of bad affects. I’m wondering if it has anything to do with my poor sense of memory.
Steve and I have been seriously getting somewhere. I still doubt us... but he continuously loves me, and actively tries in a way that I can’t see anyone else going to the lengths to do. And his dreams are so intricately large. The problem is, deep down inside, I know his dreams will become reality, because of his detailed sense of vision. As my magicks weave their way through the universe, his dreams are no different.
There are times I think I should relax and remember the partnership we have, and lay off. There are other times, I wish I could be someone else. He’s so conservative, so unlike me. I know “opposites attract,” but never you speak that, unless you live the truth of it. It isn’t the roses you’d think it is. But no relationship is, after more and more time passes.
I miss Jon. I was hoping to see him yesterday. Didn’t happen. I was also hoping to go to Jackie’s party... didn’t happen. But I did spend some quality time with Steve and my parents.
Besides—I’ve got sean ciall Tuesday and Wednesday this week. I’ll have to pass on Cheryl’s “pirates,” thing. Sounds vastly unappealing. Then again, I never was into much mischief. The last time I had practices of the obnoxious sort was in 6th grade, when we would go into the women’s bathrooms and put red koolaid in the sinks and all over, thinking it was funny to make it look like blood....
Dumb kids.
I think that was the last obnoxious thing I did! Even now I think---stupid fucks we were! I miss Kelsi. I miss Mel. I miss my best friends of old. They’ll be in Bellingham soon enough, and I will again, fade from their lives. A shadow or passing memory. The relationships, just barely alive. To go back for one week and feel that friendship again. The nostalgia is like a razor.
I look at the picture on my coffee table from JH Ranch, and I see the 3 of us. It was perfect then. But then, we were kids. We’re adults now. Not all tight kinship can last forever.
I know I’ve got new friends now, all of which mean a ton to me. But there are times that I wish I could have peers in my own age group. Granted, they still act totally different than me. Again—no mischief from this corner of the woods. And that’s okay with me.
I am who I am. I am the goddess manifest in my own way. I am learning, still, to accept this. To value it, also.
*shrugs* So anyway.
Lianna rocks. She’s on my calendar for the end of this month. I’m excited. The one awesome thing about Lianna is that even though we’re far apart, we still maintain the level of friendship that is inexpressibly valuable.
Anyway. Weekly meeting is very soon. I better hurry and post this because jeah.
-Angela
Seeing as FoL seems to be taking the 2 weekdays a week, and then SOMETHING has been happening on weekends to prevent me from my steady 3 plus days a week goal. I should get up earlier and do things, like I was for a brief amount of time. I must say, that when Steve didn’t try and drudge along with me, it was fun, it felt good, and it was an excellent source of alone time, to meditate. It’s hard to meditate when someone is following at a slower pace behind you. Problem is, whenever I try and start the early morning thing, Steve tried to come along. And mostly, he’s just bitchy in the morning because he is a BEAR to get up.
I think that’ll be next week’s goal. Get up at 4:30-5, and get 40 minutes to an hour or walking in, up that trail that goes up to my beloved Tiger mountain trailhead. Inna knows that that one is a workout. I’m sad so far. I have been so busy with OTHER things, that hiking has not been in the front line. I assure myself after FoL it’ll be better. I hope so. But it seems to weekends are quickly filling with many things. All good things, but none-the-less, it’s been a tired, worn, season for hiking, our climaxing experience being, a night of full rain.
It doesn’t help that James has been off with Melissa nonstop. I’m so happy for him, but as it always is, the precedence for any of this gets set back, and James is no longer his usual enthusiastic self to get out on the trail. Less momentum. It’s clear to me that I will have to be the main push this time. And Steve and I will have to journey alone. Which is fine, we’ve had some good trips alone. I am just used to James being around. Granted, his girlfriend is a sweetheart, and they interact with the family, and he’s just so adorably smitten, as is she. A match that couldn’t be more complete.
Nobody is in the office just yet. It’s sad. No one wants to come back from THAT 3 day weekend. Tim will obviously be in at 9—the other Tim is on vacation. What I really want, is FoL to come and go, so I can experience that fun, and then focus myself a little more into my health. I’m going on the “No aspartame,” diet, to see if it makes me feel any better. I hear it has all sorts of bad affects. I’m wondering if it has anything to do with my poor sense of memory.
Steve and I have been seriously getting somewhere. I still doubt us... but he continuously loves me, and actively tries in a way that I can’t see anyone else going to the lengths to do. And his dreams are so intricately large. The problem is, deep down inside, I know his dreams will become reality, because of his detailed sense of vision. As my magicks weave their way through the universe, his dreams are no different.
There are times I think I should relax and remember the partnership we have, and lay off. There are other times, I wish I could be someone else. He’s so conservative, so unlike me. I know “opposites attract,” but never you speak that, unless you live the truth of it. It isn’t the roses you’d think it is. But no relationship is, after more and more time passes.
I miss Jon. I was hoping to see him yesterday. Didn’t happen. I was also hoping to go to Jackie’s party... didn’t happen. But I did spend some quality time with Steve and my parents.
Besides—I’ve got sean ciall Tuesday and Wednesday this week. I’ll have to pass on Cheryl’s “pirates,” thing. Sounds vastly unappealing. Then again, I never was into much mischief. The last time I had practices of the obnoxious sort was in 6th grade, when we would go into the women’s bathrooms and put red koolaid in the sinks and all over, thinking it was funny to make it look like blood....
Dumb kids.
I think that was the last obnoxious thing I did! Even now I think---stupid fucks we were! I miss Kelsi. I miss Mel. I miss my best friends of old. They’ll be in Bellingham soon enough, and I will again, fade from their lives. A shadow or passing memory. The relationships, just barely alive. To go back for one week and feel that friendship again. The nostalgia is like a razor.
I look at the picture on my coffee table from JH Ranch, and I see the 3 of us. It was perfect then. But then, we were kids. We’re adults now. Not all tight kinship can last forever.
I know I’ve got new friends now, all of which mean a ton to me. But there are times that I wish I could have peers in my own age group. Granted, they still act totally different than me. Again—no mischief from this corner of the woods. And that’s okay with me.
I am who I am. I am the goddess manifest in my own way. I am learning, still, to accept this. To value it, also.
*shrugs* So anyway.
Lianna rocks. She’s on my calendar for the end of this month. I’m excited. The one awesome thing about Lianna is that even though we’re far apart, we still maintain the level of friendship that is inexpressibly valuable.
Anyway. Weekly meeting is very soon. I better hurry and post this because jeah.
-Angela
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no subject
Date: 2004-07-06 10:41 am (UTC)I avoid aspartame and fructose like crazy, and it is VERY difficult. Luckily, aspartame isn't in too many foods...diet pop is the main culprit in that. Fructose (which I would recommend to stay away from as well) is harder to get away from.
Hopefully you'll get back into the swing of things with excercise. I know I am! Let me know, maybe I can be convinced to go hiking with ya...though I might not be able to keep your normal pace. `^_^
Hey, I don't think Wednesday would work for lunch...maybe Thursday?
Lunch!
Date: 2004-07-06 11:44 am (UTC)So, I guess I'm taken to my water again, and juices and that sort.
Fructose I know is also bad. I can try and have LESS of that I guess.
Lunch on Thursday? Steve will be home, btw, he's between contracts, but it should work out alright! I'll mention it to him when I get home. [For lunch today!] and we'll see about it!
-Karen
Re: Lunch!
Date: 2004-07-06 01:51 pm (UTC)Let me know as far as lunch, I'd love to see you again! :)
Re: Lunch!
Date: 2004-07-06 02:23 pm (UTC)-Angela
Re: Lunch!
Date: 2004-07-06 02:43 pm (UTC)Re: Lunch!
Date: 2004-07-06 03:51 pm (UTC)-Karen
Re: Lunch!
Date: 2004-07-08 11:57 am (UTC)no subject
Date: 2004-07-06 04:07 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2004-07-06 04:25 pm (UTC)Generally, it's just avoiding heavily processed foods. And watching out, a lot of juices have high fructose corn syrup in them as well.