Just...

[angelak]

It feels like Wednesday - and yet it's not.
I feel a sense of urgency to do things - and yet I don't know what.
Idle-ness all in one.
The security class has been fun so far - a lot of review for me, and then some other stuff that I haven't done before. Learning some useful things overall.

I'm creeping out the man sitting next to me. I do labs while she's lecturing - ensuring that I'm done before lab time. That means he can be shocked and say dumb things like, "oh wow. You're fast. You must be good at this."

No, I'm not that great at it. I know how to read fast, follow directions, listen/read at once, and go through labs efficiently.

I know - I know. Arrogance.
Whatever.

What can I say? I devour MMC snap-ins, once I realize what they are.
The guy acts like he's never seen some of this...
Granted, I was reading over his shoulder at an e-mail he was writing and I read that he just got promoted from a desktop tech to an admin.

Why can't I have that pleasure :X

Fuck that. I'd rather be lazy and only use .05% of my brain.
Okay, okay. I'm a bitter, foul, woman.
What the hell.

It's fun nabbing some new stuff.
I'm only happy anyway - if I'm ahead.

AH well.
I miss having a somewhat happier outlook on the world.
I'm broken.

Poor Angela.
Broken.
When learning becomes cynical for me - I know I haven't returned to my usual self.
And to top that? It's cold in here.
Perhaps picking Khaya up from Tai chi will be fun.

-Angela

Comments

[aroidan.livejournal.com]

I was wondering where you were today :) Didn't see you logged on like usual. Now I know, and knowing is half the battle.

MMC Snap-ins are fun. There are lots of them. Services is a snap in :)

Anyway I am sure you are learning lots of fun networking stuff in class. You need to start learning programming though. Eventually every tech job is going to have coding skills as a requirement. It is really sad when you think about it.

Anyway have fun in class tomorrow.

Snap-Ins.

[ithisia.livejournal.com]

I *know* Services is a snap-in, silly! Did you think I got through CSNT without realizing that one?
:P
I just forget to browse around and see what all is encompassed within the snap ins.

There's a lot I just didn't take the time to notice before!
Well - more over, every tech is going to have to know databases before too long. Windows will be going to a SQL based platform.

So, yeah, obviously things will be going in that direction sooner or later.
If your .NET disks wouldn't error out on my Work machine, I could actually install Visual Studio and begin working on that stuff.

Maybe I should pester Damiana to see if I can get my hands on a copy.
It's not that I don't want to learn programming - it's the time/where to start stuff.

I know you could teach me fairly easily. Though the last times you've tried to teach me it didn't get far off the ground. And I didn't have time/space issues with locating you, and I certainly have those these days.

I can't just go see you whenever to work on that stuff.
So yeah. Seems complex!
Also, I know I also want to brush up on my UNIX skills and whatnot.
And the DBA stuff.
I've gotten a bit of DBA stuff in a class here or there.
Though I haven't actually had to use it much in the day to day, which makes it difficult to retain all that. But jeah. Anywho.

Lots of stuff.
I've just been in a professional rut.
And the issue with taking classes right away is personal funding.
So yeah.

/end long reply.

-Angela

[netharos.livejournal.com]

I have wrench and a screwdriver, will that help? I think I went from having an abyssmal and bleak outlook on the world to a somewhat happier one, and I achieved this by becoming partially insane. I highly reccomend insanity; a wise man once said you can't uncover truth by using your wits, but only through losing them.

Outlooks

[ithisia.livejournal.com]

For me - I realize that currently ... and perhaps for always:
The outlook is a big cyclic pattern.
It will be high and then low and then high and then low.
What tires me is the realization that I have many, MANY more years of this incessant humanic cycle.
The fact that even though things will get better for me sooner or later, that it will also eventually get worse.

Does that make sense?
The vast view of the future as a giant expanse of time, equating to awe-strickening glipse of feeling like a hamster in a hamster-ball, running laps around a circular room.

So, on one half of the room, it's beautiful and lovely, and warm and cozy with all the things I love.

On the other half, is all the things I fear, hate, and don't like. It's cold, and lonely here. No matter what, I'll be treading on both sides, and like a hamster, aimlessly running around in circles of this room, passing through each side at various periods in time.

*smirks*
I know.
It's crazy - and you spoke of insanity.
Ahh - yes.
*hugs* Glad to see you around on the intarweb!

:)

Love,
-Angela

Re: Outlooks

[netharos.livejournal.com]

Well, I certainly love the moon and hamsters, so I get that part. I think the good & the bad will return time and time again, like a cycle, but I also find for myself that the cycle is a microcosm within a grander, more-linear macrocosm--one where things are ultimately good or bad. The grander picture is still panning out, and from my vantage point I have no idea just what exactly it will look like. In the end, for instance, will I remain a good person, or will I become a bad one? Now, I know everyone says I'm a good guy and blah blah blah, but I am quite certain there is a kernel of evil in me, like anyone really, which could truly explode given the right circumstances and environment.

In the meantime, however, there is the present--filled with ups and downs, often hard to see the bigger picture, especially with us being so young and absolutely fucking sexy. It's like that song by Doris Day with the French words in it.

EMAIL!

[ithisia.livejournal.com]

I sent you an email, btw.

-Angela