Deeper than the Surface

Today, it has become super obvious how lucky I am in a lot of respects. I have a life filled with people that are all amazing. We’re talking some seriously awesome people, all touching my life somehow. I fall in love with people very easily, for one thing. You don’t even have to be sexual with me, and I fall in love with you. This, as I see it – is only a good thing. The downside is my global reach of these people. Good, so good. Bad too, because I use the word love frequently, but not lightly. There are names for some of you, but these people are all over the World those that I *love* deeply. This means I miss them with great measure. Really, truly Miss them, with a capitol M.

I don't care about other folks who may be hesitant to express themselves as deeply or freely. Eat shit, and die. Word mechanics.

And because I went to TT, naturally my time off (paid anyway) is pretty light. I am waiting to bank more time. It happens relatively easily here at this place of employment, but at the same time I have a lot of people I want to see. People all over, like I said.
It’s worth it to have this dilemma. A few people I can think of right off, are both in and outside of the Bikram Yoga community.

There’s definitely Katty, Thomas, Gordon, Olga, Nancy, Ula, and yes I will be seeing Ann-Marie soon here at TT, and SALLIE!!!

And then there’s my CGW crew. Focusing on my Yoga-sphere, I have been unable to see Steve and Erin, Rachelle, Matty, and many others… due to this dilemma of awesome all over my life. I Miss them too!

Due to the yoga-rific parts of my life, I’ve been definitely hitting the plans to see first and foremost, Katty. She’s the most local. Vancouver BC is a stone throw away from the Seattle area. I also need to make time to fly down to San Fran eventually and pester Thomas. But that’s later. And of course, Gordon wants me to teach at his studio in NZ (yes you read that right) eventually.

And then there are those outside of the country (like Gordon.) Karoline, Renata, people I don’t know the nature or probability of seeing any time soon.
Anyway. This post really has more to do with the fact that there are people I am dying to see, miss seeing, am blessed to have spent everyday time with them for a period of time. I knew I was lucky with the opportunity at Teacher Training. I knew it was a beautiful thing, even if it was hard, a bit pain staking a times…
In other news.

It is also hard to squeeze in traveling sometimes, due to my life situations. Teaching, working at the Quah, taking care of the family right now. But fortunately for me, tomorrow I fly to LA to visit Spring Teacher Training 2012, to be on the “other” side, and later in the month, 21-24th, I will be going to Vancouver BC to see Aussie Joel and Katty once again – and mayyyybe, if I am lucky… Rachelle?! We’ll see.

The nature of this post definitely mirrors the fact that one day, I want to see these people again. And I want to keep them close to me somehow, even though I can’t see all of them immediately.

I think it’s possible. :)

If you are one of the people I have fallen for, don’t worry. I intend on finding you again :)
You may or may not know who you are.
And yes. Some of you are local to Seattle too. ;)

-Angela

Hello, LJ list. I know you've all been waiting for my latest post. Last night was wild. First off, I feel like I'm not workin' out enough, but there is a lot of other stuff going on in my life. For a solid 2 years, I can almost say I worked out to avoid dealing with the rest of my life. These days I'd rather do both. Work out AND deal with my life.

My original intention was to go home, be lazy with Jim, and eventually work out.
We got into pointless arguments.
I ended up bumping into the Mastermind weekly call - with my CGW folks. After that, they reminded me one of our fellow CGW people was putting on a webinar. His webinar was about starting your online business in 6 days. I almost jumped for the idea - I could go on and on about why or what or how. But this is really the reader's digest version of this. I was inspired - and ended up spending most of my night working on personal work projects. Problem being, they were projects and ideas I hadn't even considered prior. And suddenly I went from ZERO plans, to deadlines - to major financial decisions. This does NOT bode well for the Virgo Angela. I like to weigh, decide, perfect, get myself comfortable - and then spring into action. It's not a zero to 100mph thing for me. I DO have space now to begin working on a website to perhaps eventually launch products that include self defense informationals. If I had launched my stuff and gotten all my products together by Monday - I could seriously have had some MAJOR exposure on some major lists and serious traffic to my site. Problem being... I'm not ready for that. I don't have any quality data together, and to get it all together and build my own professional site, I would have to pretty much take my entire trip in Santa Barbara and be working.

Somehow, I didn't drop the cash on my plane ticket and the last few weeks of anticipation of enjoying my time with Sasha to *work* and stress the entire time. I made a major decision to fly out of town instead of do the usual thing - Drive down with Jim to Portland or do something else with my family.

Therefore, I've decided to stop with the breakneck stress and timeline, and do it on my time. This is the only way to be strong about this. Now, millions of visitors might have really launched me into another business state entirely, but not at the cost of what I have going on right now.

I slept crappy last night because I was mulling over business plans, cash flow, and how to get my content together. John's team would have put together my site for me with their best layout - for $300. I just got finished spending a goodly amount of cash on my phone, my plane ticket to LA, and in December - my Yoga membership is due at a spendy $500. Also - another seminar for some other work projects, I already signed up for.

Honestly, $300 more on top of that is not where I'm at right now. This other stuff I have managed to accept somehow without having a panic attack. (Somehow, it's working out, at the cost of a tiny bit of savings and the lack of car payment). So far, it's worth it.

Other than that - I've chosen to take a step back. I also want to ENJOY my life. All these work projects are great and growth geared. But I also need to stay sane. And I was beginning to see already what that would look like if I started losing it today ;) Basically, I'm really a face to face person anyway. I'll still build a site (ugh) and do some major focus on the web side... but definitely not in 6 days. Doing it in 6 days may work for some other people, particularly if they had all the web stuff handled, and some content already cranked out. But my content is all in my head because it was designed to be a workshop medium, not quite articles or products. That was something I had not even gotten to yet. And to force that issue ... probably would make me run, screaming. And not scared screaming. Unhappy screams of annoyance. That's no way to start out. At all.

Soooo, tonight I am going to lift some weights, relax, and get ready for my trip to Santa Barbara, instead of losing my mind and trying to complete work at a breakneck speed. And seriously connect with Jim in a positive way, before I head out of town. A part of me is very bummed to miss out on the Thanksgiving stuff in Portland. But a part of me is also glad to opt out of the stress. Because even if I love his family - I'm usually stressed when I go down. I'm not even sure why. Except I didn't experience that same stress with the Texas side of the family. I think it's just part of my energetic sensitivity and the level of broadcasting that happens in the Portland fam. It causes me to put up stronger shields, that eventually drain me by end-of-trip.

As for the snow. Can we see it melt already? Angela likes rain.
Also happy my bundle for my DROIDX showed up in the mail. I now have more than 1 charger to split between work and home. That was a pain in the ass. Now I can just unplug it and go, instead of constantly forgetting my damn charger in the wrong place.

So in regards to pushing too fast, too much, too soon - I flip the bird on that idea. It's time to live my life and love it. Not dread projects that I should be in love with (and typically am in love with.)

-Angela