Having a wonderful Thursday morning. It's one week until I take a trip to Las Vegas, where I'll be going to
Steve Pavlina's personal development workshop. This was my primary reason for going to Vegas. I'm not big into the party scene, or gambling. Regardless, I will probably take moments to also enjoy the scene while I am there. I'd never made plans to go to Vegas, but it seems my personal vibes have pushed me to attend this workshop, and I'm very excited.
Also, Bikram teacher training starts in Vegas over the 2-4th. From one of my teachers, she says you can drop in!!! She said perhaps later on in the first few days Bikram will probably teach the classes and so – in some I should be able to join in for a regular drop in fee if I can locate the place they're doing it!!!! (Which I am pretty sure I can).
This prospect is awesome!!! So, we'll see about. Maybe on my last day of Vegas, I will do a drop in.
Jim and I will be flying out Thursday morning – October 1st. This is our first plane trip together. We've been together for a while, but I do look forward to this milestone. I would pretend that I haven't become a bit of a self-help junkie, except that I can truly admit that between personal development and yoga, it has really alleviated a lot of my depressive cycle that had programmed itself to my brain. I was looking for ways to reprogram myself, when I ran into Steve Pavlina's book. Which I ordered and loved. And then I found his blog. And the chain of spiritual change happened. And as a respect to myself, I am not going to pretend it hasn't brought about a much better life circumstance for me on a day to day basis. Same with the following news.
In other news, I've been experimenting with eating more
raw/vegan style. It's a personal experiment. I've been reading about it for months, but always felt too overwhelmed to actually make entire steps towards the lifestyle. It's hard to wrap your head around this sort of thing. No one accepts this. People like to reject the idea. I don't care how other folks live out their lives, and I think everyone should eat/believe/do what suites them the best – their personal Will. That being said, I'm doing personal experiments with my own body and seeing how it works for me.
This week I decided to stop being so intimidated. I went to a juicing class on Monday put on by this guy I've been following on facebook who does raw diet stuff, and was inspired. It made me realize that I don't have to doing anything 100% if it isn't what I want. So, instead – I decided to try to take it day by day. One day at time, instead of “I'm going to do this forever,” or even a 30 day trial yet.
And if I see situations where I see fit, or outright WANT to stray off and eat something cooked, I can and will. The idea that any percentage of raw food eating will improve me, is what I am going off of. My body is being inundated with fresh, raw, and wonderful nutrients.
And the thing of it (fruits and veggies) is... I haven't had many cravings at this point. For the most part I feel pretty good. My current routine goes like this: Fruit in the morning, a green juice at lunch, fruit if I feel my calories are crashing, and a big salad for dinner with tons of veggies/fruit.
This also with working out 5-7 times per week so far. The thing I enjoy most is – drinking gallons of water is less needed when you do this. The water is all inclusive in the food/meals. (Not that I don't have SOME). Instead of indulging in candy or other stuff, lately I've just reached for fruit instead.
Normally this did not work when I ate other cooked items... but paired with 50% veggies, and 50% fruits, I seem to notice that it's easier to handle. So, this is my experiment that I will work with for now. And if I feel like I don't want to, or it stops FEELING good, I'll drop it ;)
I've been sort of struggling with identifying with it – or admitting to certain skeptics about it. This is sort of why I'm writing about here it. To begin to remind myself of my own personal authority. It doesn't matter what Jonny says about it ;)
(Jonny is a sweetie of mine who is definitely into his protein). For an different view of protein, read a little about the
protein myth, or don't...
It was when I found myself ordering my dinner salad out (knowing full well that most salads prepared at restaurants are not entirely raw) and picking at my chicken because I was afraid he'd judge me for it. I was breaking a couple of personal rules here: Changing myself for a man, (albeit a wonderful man!) and pretending to be something else that I am not.
Right now, I am not hugely meat eating. I've been experimenting (again, lots of experiments) with cutting beef and chicken for a few months. Lately I just indulge in meat as a “special” occasion almost, instead of a regular part of my diet. Hey – I've been pro-meat for years. I also love eggs and dairy. But, what does it hurt me to learn more about how my body feels on different fuels? Not at all.
So, last night when I prepared my (HUGE!!!!) salad dinner (that, note – I could not finish because I got full) I dialed Jonny's number and proudly announced that I was eating a fruit and veggie salad with NO PROTEIN. And that was how I liked it!
It was intentional because this was the second time I've prepared such a meal and had comment from him. I needed to get him to realize that I am not going to stand behind the “work out, eat tons of protein” concept. While I understand you must be careful about re-fueling, nutrients, and the like... I will go with my own body experiments and not accept stuff because “studies have shown,” or “other people told me,” XYZ.
I want to know for myself.
That being said, life has been good. The past few days I've been feeling very, very high.
Really, really busy. I went to yoga and then went straight to Red Robin to meet Jon for dinner and hang out. Yesterday I chose to skip yoga (and have a rest day) and hang out with Jim before he went to work.
Somewhat irritating that both my sweeties would have overnight jobs, and virtually the same nights off.
Could I just have a guy that works a normal daytime schedule??? Anyone? Actually, I don't think at this time I could even find time to have any other involvements. With Yoga, running, healing, ongoing personal efforts, reading, house keeping, and working – my life is honestly full. I also have been more social in the last 1-2 months, and this involves more friends.
This is how my situation with Jonny evolved. For the past 4-5 months, we've been getting together as friends. If anyone KNOWS Jon, you'll know that we've dated off and on for about 10 years or more.
Somehow, I found things evolving once again. Things are going well on that end. I have been trying to get him to go to OLO, but he's shy.
I think he also wants to lose some weight before he goes. :(
He is self conscious. He lost 100lbs 3-4 years ago, so he could join the Marines. He joined the Marines, made his entire life shift, and then in boot camp he got discharged for medical reasons. (He got sick or something?) He came home, got a bit down about it – and after sustaining a knee injury (are we seeing why I could connect with him on other levels?) slowly regained 2/3s of that weight. He was more overweight before, and I've always adored him regardless. When it comes to his weight and knee issues, although I am a tiny version of this – this is where I know Jim has less ability to directly relate to the struggle with injury vs. having been at a supreme fitness area.
The understanding I get from Jon is something I haven't found with any other connection in my life. (And we spend a lot less time talking about it unless one of us has a flare up with our knees!)
I would like to take this time also to shout out to the roof tops about how progressed my condition is!!!!!!
MY KNEES ARE ON THEIR WAY TO 100% health! Right now I still have to be very careful, but my day to day experience is much better. For this, I also feel the depressive states have lifted. But part of me thinks my outlook had a direct impact on where my healing was.
Right now running is a far lower risk than kneeling. Once the immediate inflammation went down, the running was less risky. Right now I struggle with reminding myself not to kneel in yoga classes. I have to sit out a number of poses (2 or 3, which feels like forever when you are the sort of student who normally refuses to relent). Lesson there: sometimes we need to back off in order to reap the bigger benefits. I already knew that, but it is a daily lesson when I go to class.
The kind of patience that not going into camel or rabbit poses takes, is bigger than that of practicing either position. Also fixed firm. So far, half-tortoise appears to do less harm. On my last visit to the therapist – she advised bringing a blanket or pillow to start going into kneeling poses. Well, my studio typically frowns on props. So I asked if I could use a towel. I am thinking the towel I chose was not enough padding, because when I tried one or two poses this way (as a test) it has left me waiting the past couple of days to get past a mild twinge in the around-the tendon area.
???
I am committed to take it easy the rest of this week and search for something that is sort of towel like, but very, very padded. It is the action of rolling over the kneecap with my full weight that currently causes relapse.
Look at me! I'm so learned. I am proud of my self knowledge. I feel like I'm waking from a long, deep – groggy sleep. Running feels like a blessing. Going for walks is elating. Stairs are wonderful. Standing talking to my co workers with less worry makes me want to shed tears.
Sitting down on the toilet with no pain is a personal triumph. What can I say? I will never take these things for granted.
-Angela
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